hey hey..
how have we all been?
i have been feeling abit of everything...
alot of random things have been happening....
my feelings towards work, certain friends, certain issues in my life....
tough stuffs.
i've been thinking alot about relationships, like everything within the the whole relationship thing.. going out, meeting, getting along, dating, etc etc etc etc.. everything,,,
and also the people i reckon i can get involved with or at least have a crack at..
i am on a stage of staying clear of any relationship of any kind... and its turning out to be quite hard. theres so many people i want to get to know, so many things i want to do.. and why dont i just do it? because i am trying to find out and understand some part of me i am struggling with, and i have never gotten around to trying to figure that part out because i never seem to be alone, so now that im not doing much, i can set myself out to think?
now that i said that.... i finally met some people that i literaly love. or in some cases, i found out more things about certain people that i love...
things i like in a person, its all coming out...
i want to talk about jane to jane...
i have a thing with her... and i dont know how to describe it. our relationship is so complicated that it stresses me out, and i cant focus on how to try to figure it out or fix it because i am so caught up on another person that which is clear that i cant get, or very unlikely anyways... theres always possibilities...
the thing with me is that if i cant focus on one thing, then it wont work.
and if i think it wont work, then it wont work.
i feel seriously bad everytime her and i clash...
*sigh*... relationships... OF ANY KIND..... not just dating.
maybe i think too much, maybe i dont need to try to figure this unknown part of me out... maybe it'll just pop up sometime, then i'll deal with it..
i think im falling abit too deep and im in a position that i am just numb to what really needs to be thought about.
i'm in trouble and i need help.
who will help me... who will i be smart enough to open to, to help me.
Realise.
Hope.
what is meant to be.
Avaliability
Reality.
why cant i just think like normal people...
why cant i just think one way ...
why cant i just enjoy what i have and not think so deep of it that it ruins the simplicity enjoyment of something or someone...
why cant i control myself anymore...
why cant i just stop pretending that im happy and just be happy...
why cant i focus on myself and not on other people..
hey, and guess what... i know the answers to all of that life questions to myself.
-[Pd]-
