Hi,

i was recently diagnosed with some sort of brain disease, and wont be able to live for much longer... actually i dont know when i will pass... i chose not to know.. and the depression is catching on, i thought i'd be fine since i was never afraid of the worse...

i dont want so many of friends or family to know for their sake and mines... i dont want them to worry and just enjoy time spent, and i dont want to be pulled away of trying to enjpy my time spent by being reminded and of questions to keep being asked.
the ones closes to me, i feel bad for because i have been disapearing alot lately and they get worried, frustrated and not knowing whats going on with me, i'm sorry and i love you, never forget that.
i need time to except..
but all at the same time i am seeking comfort. its not easy finding comfort, its hard to find comfort on its own let alone with a sickness...

i want to and do tell the people close to me that i love them, but i don know if that is making it harder or easier to live with.. i dont want to build this big joy of love then take it away when im gone, or maybe it'll stay with them and it wont be so bad because i have let them know how i feel...?????????????????????????????????????????


why am i feeling this way.....
is it because the situation is not voluntary?


-[Pd]-

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Modern science has an answer.

According to evolutionary geneticist John Brookfield, cosmologist Stephen Hawking, and even modern thinker Chris Langdon, the egg came first. Why? DNA.DNA remains unchanged throughout the life of an organism. Thus, whatever the genetic material is inside the egg will be the same as the that which is inside the grown adult. In other words, conceived as a chicken, hatched as a chicken, live and die as a chicken -- there is no other way. A soaring eagle won't suddenly plummet to earth because it spontaneously turned into a turkey. Whatever genetic change there was between chicken-like parents and the first true chicken inside the egg must have occurred in the reproductive DNA, sealing the deal: the egg came first.

i want some orange juice

hey hey..

how have we all been?

i have been feeling abit of everything...

alot of random things have been happening....

my feelings towards work, certain friends, certain issues in my life....
tough stuffs.





























i've been thinking alot about relationships, like everything within the the whole relationship thing.. going out, meeting, getting along, dating, etc etc etc etc.. everything,,,
and also the people i reckon i can get involved with or at least have a crack at..
i am on a stage of staying clear of any relationship of any kind... and its turning out to be quite hard. theres so many people i want to get to know, so many things i want to do.. and why dont i just do it? because i am trying to find out and understand some part of me i am struggling with, and i have never gotten around to trying to figure that part out because i never seem to be alone, so now that im not doing much, i can set myself out to think?

now that i said that.... i finally met some people that i literaly love. or in some cases, i found out more things about certain people that i love...
things i like in a person, its all coming out...

i want to talk about jane to jane...
i have a thing with her... and i dont know how to describe it. our relationship is so complicated that it stresses me out, and i cant focus on how to try to figure it out or fix it because i am so caught up on another person that which is clear that i cant get, or very unlikely anyways... theres always possibilities...
the thing with me is that if i cant focus on one thing, then it wont work.
and if i think it wont work, then it wont work.
i feel seriously bad everytime her and i clash...


*sigh*... relationships... OF ANY KIND..... not just dating.

maybe i think too much, maybe i dont need to try to figure this unknown part of me out... maybe it'll just pop up sometime, then i'll deal with it..


i think im falling abit too deep and im in a position that i am just numb to what really needs to be thought about.
i'm in trouble and i need help.

who will help me... who will i be smart enough to open to, to help me.
Realise.
Hope.
what is meant to be.
Avaliability
Reality.






why cant i just think like normal people...
why cant i just think one way ...
why cant i just enjoy what i have and not think so deep of it that it ruins the simplicity enjoyment of something or someone...
why cant i control myself anymore...
why cant i just stop pretending that im happy and just be happy...
why cant i focus on myself and not on other people..


hey, and guess what... i know the answers to all of that life questions to myself.

-[Pd]-