ah.... so freaking tired!!

i'm currently in vietnam... and guess what?! facebook isnt allowed here!! i am going nuts, thinking there was something wrong with my laptop and my phone.
stupid people
so for my entertainment... my tv is on the ftv channel alllllllll daaaayyyyy. yes i am a perv.

the plane ride was a bit of a let down, no cute/hot girls anywhere...

bought some converse shoes and hoodies for cheap so i'm happy.

blah...

OH!.. clubbing here is fucking weird. discriminate so much.
no one hardly dances. i got to admit some of the girls do dress up pretty hot.
- for the people from cabramatta.... do you know when you look at a chick from behind and they be lookin all hot and sexy ... until they turn around? well.... its like that here.... a giant cabramatta.

i dont have a photo, but i reckon i look pretty darn good in a heltmet. its a sign i should get a motobike ey?!

anyway, time to shower and have my first coffee of the day. and watch chicks. and laugh at lame people.

Sitting in a club, blogging.

I'm just that much fun!

Just not feeling it tonight... the loudness. The fuss.

I woke up angry this morning,
I got into a bad bad situation today, someone stole my parking spot and i broke her side mirror and cracked her window... maybe way uncalled for, but she crossed the wrong person today.
To be honest, i hope i dont get caught... though a lot of people witnessed it. I'm not really ready for another thing to be added to my criminal profile list.

....there are a bunch of girls in directly in front of me... but im not looking... i feel tired.

The ladies i came with went to dance and im in a corner just chillin with the drunken perverts that is unable to stand up right. There are chairs here. Thanks.

Um, i need to sneeze.


I feel like im just drifting off now, not even paying attention on what im writing.. just thoughts.

I miss her, i miss her so very much.

i saw her today and my heart pumped crazy!
When she smiles directedly at me , i lose complete control.
Even though we dont talk too much, i love having her around, being with her.

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mother fuck! i need to get into this...

this use to be what i do, my ride in life.

i miss matt, he was my other half.

Maybe i'm out of words...

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every time i think about it, it makes my blood boil.

so this is another weekend....

WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THESE KIDS COME FROM?!

there is so much noise

so much screaming

and talking

and running around

and touching things

and mess

and random talk about shit i dont care for, i stopped listening within 5 minutes of their arrival.

i cant even pretend to pretend to listen.

mother fuck,

i need to get out of here.

i dont know why i declined a city invite...surely i regret that now. but i don't want to be that jerk that keeps changing their mind.

truth is, i don't want to go too far to hang, i don't get why people have to go so far when we have local places that have the same thing as in the city.

my point is, i don't want to travel to the city for a up of coffee or a beer.

that shit is 5 mins away from me.

.

i went to a christmas dinner for work last night. i had an awesome time!

my aim was, to be that obnoxious drunk that every christmas party has. well, i got drunk but not enough....

i won a $50 gift card for kicking the boy's asses in pool, i am the best player when im drunk.

i wish there was some girls there though... i bonded with the guys and made new mates.

and we so courted girls from the band that was playing there, the way she moves makes me shiver with excitement!!...brrrr..

i feel like shit, thanks for asking.

So i'm sitting here talking with my mum because i feel bad for rejecting her wanting to bond the whole day today. We both felt irritated.
I feel irritated which made her feel pissed because she can't get anything out of me.
and then telling me off, which made me more frustrated on top of being irritated.

Rawr, but we're cool now... we just needed a little time, and me to crack a joke.

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i feel like i'm going through the ... the same feel of neglect i felt from the high school days.

like, theres so much hate and absence ...and misunderstanding.

no one talks anymore, they just speak.

im tired.

have you ever felt like you've had enough, like so much that you can't handle it any more?

but nothing is happening?

i feel that way right now.

the weekends are the worse for me, a bunch of people come over and mess up my shit, be noisy, eat my food and get drunk and default make me drive them home.

i'm just sitting here waiting for an opportunity to get out of this house, waiting for someone ( that is not family) to say HEY thats hang.

i don't want to ask all the time, i know people get annoyed and some have work or is tired from work. i guess im lucky that i have weekends off.

people be telling me to relax.. why do you want to go out all the time for.. its a weekend and you dont have work so relax..

yea, relaxing isn't a thing that my family knows about... they dont leave me alone.

there are always people, noise, and chores.

i heart my family but they don't know the meaning of " please let me sit down for two seconds".

i'm tired of being the little one that gets bossed around.

what if i go out and get drunk and make them pick me up, at any hour of the day.asap.

every couple of days.

i just want to go out.

i need to move out.

We Wear the Mask - Paul Laurence Dunbar

We wear the mask that grins and lies
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes
This debt we pay to human guile
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile
And mouth with myriad subtleties

Why should the world be over wise
In counting all our tears and sighs
Nay, let them see us only while
We wear the mask

We smile, but oh great Christ our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet and long the mile
But let the world dream otherwise
We wear the mask

so like, I'm just sitting in on the edge of my bed thinking and hoping not to die just yet.... i had s quick thought to myself that hey, this looks like a story i wish someone would care enough to write it, or about it, or about me one day....

but then again no one is here with me so who could.

so i will.

alone in this bed, i feel like i can't seek comfort... i am afraid as hell of what's to come or the possibility of coming. i was told one day that this is going to happen, with such prediction,such preparation... yet i still find myself watching and waiting with such... unknowing.

i am afraid as hell, but i don't know how to seek comfort, i feel like i can only ask for so much... like it is limited to me. i feel people move away from me once i become more emotionally open, every step i take forward, they take a step back.

i don't want to bother people, but i am freaking out.

maybe it is just easier to joke around and act tough.

just like how it's always been.

i guess that is how i should deal with this right now, act tough and scare the frightened away.

my brain is bleeding, i don't want to go to the hospital because i am afraid as hell.

instead, i will hang tough and wait for another day or two and hope and pray to ...... that it passes.

i'm crying, i'm allowed to cry right?

i just took a sleeping pill, i hope to sleep it off.. stupid i know but its all i got right now.

i feel like dying.

can you relate?

feeling very... insane right now.

i

i don't know how to deal.

i feel lost , i feel rage.

i thought about it, and i don't think anyone reads this anymore...

but i don't care... ok i lied, i do.. just a little bit though, my place to rage.

to explode.

i don't feel like i can freely talk to anyone lately, though i wouldn't know what to say when i get a chance... maybe after 3/4 way to pass out.

i haven't had a drink in a while and i think it's safer that way... too many medications and i have been way too depressed and that I'm afraid i might drown myself in alcohol or just turn to it whenever something happens.

depression... i have been way too low, i try to seek for comfort but i'm too chicken to ask for it so i just sit back and be quiet...

.pathetic.

Please. Someone just fucking kill me already. PLEASE!!!

oh hi there

I'm sitting here all by myself and i think I'm going a tad insane.

at times i feel like being by myself but i don't think i ever mean it.

only to take a quick breath but thats about it.

last night i couldn't sleep, i had 4 sleeping pills and i still could not sleep...

my mind just does not want to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

it never wants to shut the fuck up.

sickness is still in the win. mother fuck!

i went to work feeling all doped up and so so low, my body is exhausted but my mind is like a fucking .. i don't know.. something that doesn't stop.

it just does not stop.

i miss people yet i don't....

i hate people yet i love them.

i don't know what to do... i can't make up my mind for anything anymore, even deciding what to eat is becoming harder and harder.. so i end up not eating anything at all.

i went to see a therapist and she said this could be a start of schizophrenia, but i don't understand... like bipolar and intense insomnia isn't enough?

so, is everything just all in my head? is my thinking making me sick? is that why doctors can not for sure say what is wrong with me?

am i just ... mentally insane?

but then again., where are you when i need you?

i need you now.

i need someone here with me, it is so hard to admit but i need someone with me.

oh hello there!

it's been a while, again.

whats been the happening? work... drama and a new phone.

um, i get tingly feelings inside ....

i feel happy, i feel sad...

i have someone i am interested in... but complications block my way.

i miss the pass one, but it'll never work out. again.

i am as horny if not hornier than i have ever been.

i can't wait to move out of here.

i heart you.

my new phone is a motorola Dext. new phone number.

i am sleepy and my head hurts.

i feel very bored

yes, i'm crying.

i feel hate towards myself.

mixed feelings.

i messed up....

i let me anger take the best of me...

...then i started blaming everybody else around me.

, but my anger has to be triggered by something from the outside right?... it's not all be..

but i should have been smarter about it and not show it. but if i dont show it than they won't know it.

blah... fuck feelings man... fuck it.

i'm so tired, im so tired of people too....

sometimes i feel alone... then other times i feel like im around a certain person too much and i feel like im in the way and bother them.

i just dont know how to be. i just dont know.

i want to disappear for a while.

i thought about disappearing now...

but then i thought again and realise it wouldn't affect anyone but me.

"hey, what's wrong?"

i don't really know.

all i know is that im annoyed and upset.

my laziness gets the better of me.

eating , drinking, sleeping, relationships , life.

i know i'm lazy, but this is ridiculous.

i'm actually .... lazy to be in a relationship.. like, my lazy is getting in the way...

i'm not fun because i am lazy....

when i'm in a good mood then hey bring it on... but majority of the day.... i just want to be lazy.

i want to say it is because i dont have the energy because i dont sleep, but then again i can give a shit when i want to.

i like her, i really do...

shes young and she wants to do and experience everything, and i am just lazy and not amused.

i'm one of them who sits in the sun with a cup of coffee all day long... and she wants to see this, do that, go here and go there.....

i like her, i really do....

she is amazing, she makes my heart race and my mind wonder...and my horny to a top new level.

did i loose myself somewhere lately? or is something else wrong.

i'm not looking for a fling anymore yet i dont want to jump into a relationship because i am scared to death about getting hurt. i become really edgy when it comes to emotions, you can stab and beat me all you want and i will be fine but if you fuck with my emotions then im scared for life.

i like her.

i am crazy about her.

but to be honest, i get excited when other girls call me too.

i dont feel committed, faithful enough to be with her.

maybe i'm thinking too much...

she called me... she asked to be with me... she wants me,... so why am i so hesitant ...

this could be something wonderful.

...yawns...

sipping on a cup of coffee....

i feel content.

a lot has been happening, but i can't really talk about it....

it annoys me, but ..... yea, it just annoys me.

went out last night, had a good time.... drank a tad too much... wasted a lot of money on drinks.

but it was a goodnight. minus other things or some people there then it would have been awwweeesssome.

oh heeeeyyyy

i'm also free this week....but dont worry about it.. i know you have better plans with other people...

it's ok... i dont really miss you much at all.. just like how you don't miss me nor remember me( quick question... whats my name?)...

it's alright... not like i mean anything to you, like when i comfort you every single time something happens to you... like fights with your parents... bf... school... other friends...

it's alright that you blow me off when another friend suddenly is free at the same time you and i planned to hang...

remember that time when you called me coz your world was falling apart and there was no one left?.... i do.

not like, i help out or pretty much do everything for you.... like shown you things... be there for you... help out with your parties... and picked u up when u didnt have a ride....

i didnt mind helping you....

its ok.. i know i'm not as important as those other people that you call friends... the ones you tell me you hate... yet treat them with more respect than me... and royalty put together....

oh.. just because they are so judgemental that you don't want to come of as a loser to them....

its ok.. i get it... you need their eyes to be seen. i am only one, and they are many.

...and now, i love the fact... that once your beloved bf is gone... and your parents yells at you, and when your "friends" finally see how much of a loser you really are....

you have no one.

no one.

remember why we havent talked for so long?

no?

i do...

...i made one comment.

.you fail.

what would you do if i told you....

that i was told today by doctors that i have a low chance of living pass 7 or 8 months.

low chance meaning about 40% chance.

means.... they dont know how ti fix me...

means... why the fuck are they doctors..

means...

....why me.

you believe i've changed.

...maybe i have.

actually, i have.

i changed for my better....

let me ask you this, if i dont say hi to you first.... would there be a conversation for that day?

if i don't ask you to hang out, would we ever see each other?...

is that a no?.. i thought so.

you think i've become this dickhead that is so self absorbed and selfish, because i don't come around anymore... you think i found other friends so i leave you...

i think you should think again,

how can you call yourself my friend when you just take and take and take and wait to be hand fed.

have you called me lately? sms? msn? or even facebook?...

i've been quiet for a reason... and i guess it has shown me what i wanted to know.

i'm tired of you thinking that i need you, your not better than me because if you were a friend... you wouldn't think so.

i don't fucking care anymore, i can be as outlawed as i can get but at least i know that i wont waste any time and effort on anyone else, but save it for me.

oh hello

nothing much as changed ... some people are still jerks and some i still love.

i went to vote today for the election, and i saw her. my mind went racing but my heart felt nothing...

i ignored....

i guess its a good thing.

on another note that is the same same but different?

i had a moment today when i didn't know what to call her... my gf? or girl? or her, she blah blah blah.

spent the whole 16hours with her... went to dinner then movie then stayed up talking(and other monkey business too) had breakfast and went voting with her (yea... so the ex saw me with another... intense.) ... i think it's about time to make it official. seriously. time to commit. who am i trying to convince? myself.

i thought my mind was straight... i guess actions do speak louder than words...

i thought it would be easy.. because i found her , someone i am really crazy about and such... and i can finally be in a proper relationship... but i guess my eyes still like to eat candy.

she found out about my pass and it is bothering her... she wants to try, but it won't be easy, i know.

i like her.

i regret not listening when people say there will be consequences .. i just wanted to play..

girl after girl after girl.... doesn't make me a winner, only causes problems.

now i see.

maybe i don't like being labelled. it feels... restricting.

i want to be how i feel like, and when someone says that i am something... then i don't feel like myself.

i hate when people talk about religion, politics , and gender.... i'm not on any side of anything

i feel like i break too many rules to be religious.

politics is bullshit talk, and they will never get my interest until they legalise gay marriages.

and gender? you just can't help who you fall for.

..... blah i went away and lost my thought...

there is so much going on.....

most of the time i don't understand the situation... but im one who accepts things how it is... i don't questions but i feel like i should.

a friend is getting engaged .. or is engaged...

and it makes me miss Matt, a lot... or maybe abit more than a lot.

and it hurts when i miss him.

i often wonder about how life would be if i was with him... it he is still around.

overall, i regret not saying yes. and i miss him.

it's lonely.

...learnt a few facts tonight.... my mind is totally blown, but disappointing.

i don't know why i expect so much from people... we're all the same in one way or another.

been a tough week at work... the bitch is on my back.

my workplace... has the creepiest men i have ever met, and i feel really uncomfortable around them.

im sleepy.

so much time to myself... makes me insane,

i think way too much...

work is giving me time to myself, and i hate it....

the radio distracts me quite well though, the random curiousness questions and remarks of my life annoys me because it makes me think and such... why do you gotta be so ..... curious for... why so many questions... i dont know you.

well truth be told, he is most curious about the fact that i like girls... like 'how does that work' (pffft like a tween dude doesn't know).

um,anyway, no point...

just, hello ^_^ i miss you.

i miss letting my mind and heart explode with emotions and thoughts to release.

i haven't spoken to anyone lately, i feel caged. restricted.

i don't know who's who, how's who, and wheres who anymore....

working 5days a week.... sun rise to sun set.

fun.

joy.

i heart pay day.

i gots to go now.......

i don't want to wait anymore, i don't want to sit here and figure things out, i want you.

and i want you NOW!!.

i am unsure on what i'm suppose to be figuring out, why are we waiting when nothing is stopping us, you and me.

you and i can figure it out when it comes to our door step, you and i can wait for it together, all the while in the comfort of each other's warmth.

......................................

this girl, i want this girl... she makes me feel wild with crazy moshy feelings.

she makes me feel frustration, horny,thrilled and fear.

she not only makes me happy but a bunch of other feelings too, that's the best part!

it's been a while since i found someone that can make me completely insane, oh how i miss this feeling.... i know hurt will one day rise, but in the mean time, hurt can suck excitements' balls.

she told me to figure some things out before she thinks i'm ready to be with her.. she knows my past and she wants me to set my mind straight, she knows i linger between people and i've been around....

she wants me clean.... and i think she is worth the effort.

(maybe a tad demanding? but then again she does have a point.)

she's young, though i'm not that much older to make a big deal of....

she's creative, passionate.

she is an artist, her art is amazing.

she is studying journalism.

....... i realised something.... i think i like girls that are into art, but most of the time i don't know they are into art until later on... but my ex's all do or like art, strange..thats something to think about.

i can't draw to save my life and i don't know how to appreciate a painting.... i even get confused with colours...why are there so many shades of colours?!

anyway.

update on me? not much happening other than still unable to sleep properly... been working 5 days a week (WOOOO pay week this week) ... haven't seen any friends besides cooper the other,,,weeknd? when we went to look for cars... erm..

i need to go get my eyes checked and maybe get new glasses, can't wait til i can get a car...

i was thinking about..... a car... or buying a new house/apartment/unit.. or smashing down the house i live in now and rebuild it.

because i realise that i really want to live in a better and nicer place.... i've been in this same house and room since i was like.. a month old.

i've got money, why not use it for a better living.

grrr have to try and sleep now... or just lay down and not do anything to reserve energy for work.

goodnight,friend.

the blah feeling

unable to sleep properly last night, i woke up with a shit feeling, a hate feeling.

laying in bed i could only think of things that annoy me, i tried to change the mind track but it just didn't want to feel happy today...

so it's about midday now and i'm finally out of bed, my back and neck is sore, my eyes are blurry and my head hurts.

but i had a great time last night, and the night before....

is the joy making me think about the fucked up? argh

ARGH, i dont know. i hate this feeling.

business proposals...

when i am being offered a business propsal..

i can not keep a straight face..

i find it ridiculously hilarious and amusing.....

....

um ok, so i might be..

already in a relationship

or in the process of being in one...

coz we took one of those photos ....

the ones where you see couples take when they kiss....

to me, that is a relationship photo.

.....i do like her, and shes been around alot, holding my hand and kissing me so i'll take a wild guess and say she likes me too.

hm...

no point to this... just thinking...and sharing...talking to myself.

why do i feel so incomplete

i have a girl to want to share my life with

i have friends

i have family

i have somewhere to live

i have food to eat

i have money to spend

i have things to use

i have clothes to wear

i have a bed to sleep on

i have a car

i have 2 jobs

... i have all of that... and everything else basic.

am i being greedy? do i want more?

a better car? more money? a bigger house? more clothes to wear and more things to play with?

i feel that i am too lazy to care about big houses and expensive cars but i simply don't want to clean a huge HUGE spaced house... and be paranoid about where i park my car or if its scratched or dirty...

sure, i'd like more money...

so i can go shopping and buy more shit that i don't really need or want but will have because it looks fun and then i never touch it after it arrives home...

face it, i only need and want one partner.... if i want to changer her? i don't know, i have to find out more about her and how much we connect and all that eewwness of this fuzzy feeling inside my heart.

more friends? sure i'd like to have more friends.... i know heaps of people, but i have trust issues so i barely let new people in... my current friends and close friends are the people i grew up with and met during school and any other early life events of mine. nowadays i just don't trust new people, i'm grown up now and seen most of the world and been through too many bullshit to let my trust in people so freely...

i'd like to get married someday...and maybe have kids too, i'm still working on who it'd be with, i missed 3 proposals from 2 people.

what am i missing....

what do i want.

..need?

why am i feeling this way, did something happened?

do i want more?, more of what.

i can... and will work for a better future, but i don't know where the direction is, the destination.

i can build my dream home

i can buy a better car

i can work more for more money

but those are material goods, maybe it's the emotional feeling that is missing...

i saw her today, i didn't know what to do, what to say...

15ft away, she gave me a smile, my mind froze and my heart flew out of my chest.

she walked towards me and told me that she missed me...

i never thought i would ever see her again..

once upon a time, we were in love.

Widow lived with husband's body

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/7521131/widow-lived-with-husbands-body/

Detectives are close to closing their investigation into a 91-year-old widow who lived with the bodies of her twin sister and husband.

Jean Stevens had their embalmed corpses dug up and stored them at her house — in the case of her late husband, for more than a decade — tending to the remains as best she could until police were finally tipped off last month.

Much to her dismay.

"Death is very hard for me to take," Stevens told an interviewer.

As state police finish their investigation into a singularly macabre case — no charges have been filed — Stevens wishes she could be reunited with James Stevens, her husband of nearly 60 years who died in 1999, and June Stevens, the twin who died last October. But their bodies are with the Bradford County coroner now, off-limits to the woman who loved them best.

From time to time, stories of exhumed bodies are reported, but rarely do those involved offer an explanation. Jean Stevens, seeming more grandmother than ghoul, holds little back as she describes what happened outside this small town in northern Pennsylvania's Endless Mountains.

She knows what people must think of her. But she had her reasons, and they are complicated, a bit sad, and in their own peculiar way, sweet.

Dressed smartly in a light blue shirt and khaki skirt, silver hoops in her ears, her white hair swept back and her brown eyes clear and sharp, she offers a visitor a slice of pie, then casts a knowing look when it's declined. "You're afraid I'll poison you," she says.

On a highboy in the corner of the dining room rests a handsome, black-and-white portrait of Jean, then a stunner in her early 20s, and James, clad in his Army uniform. It was taken after their 1942 marriage but before his service in World War II, in which he fought in the Battle of the Bulge. After the war, James worked at a General Electric Corp. plant in Liverpool, N.Y., then as an auto mechanic. He succumbed to Parkinson's disease on May 21, 1999.

Next to that photo there is a smaller color snapshot of Jean and June, taken when they were in their late 80s.

In many ways, Jean shared a closer bond with her twin than her husband.

Though June lived more than 200 miles away in West Hartford, Conn., they talked by phone several times a week, and June wrote often. The twins — who, as it happened, married brothers — were honored guests at the 70th reunion of the Camptown High School Class of 1937.

Then, last year, June was diagnosed with cancer. She was in a lot of pain when Jean came to visit. The sisters shared a bed, and Jean rubbed her back. "I'm real glad you're here," June said.

On Oct. 3, June died. She was buried in her sister's backyard — but not for long.

"I think when you put them in the (ground), that's goodbye, goodbye," Stevens said. "In this way I could touch her and look at her and talk to her."

She kept her sister, who was dressed in her "best housecoat," on an old couch in a spare room off the bedroom. Jean sprayed her with expensive perfume that was June's favorite.

"I'd go in, and I'd talk, and I'd forget," Stevens said. "I put glasses on her. When I put the glasses on, it made all the difference in the world. I would fix her up. I'd fix her face up all the time."

She offered a similar rationale for keeping her husband on a couch in the detached garage. James, who had been laid to rest in a nearby cemetery, wore a dark suit, white shirt and blue knitted tie.

"I could see him, I could look at him, I could touch him. Now, some people have a terrible feeling, they say, 'Why do you want to look at a dead person? Oh my gracious,'" she said.

"Well, I felt differently about death."

Part of her worries that after death, there's ... nothing. "Is that the grand finale?" But then she gets up at night and gazes at the stars in the sky and the deer in the fields, and she thinks, "There must be somebody who created this. It didn't come up like mushrooms."

So she is ambivalent about God and the afterlife. "I don't always go to church, but I want to believe," Stevens said.

Dr. Helen Lavretsky, a psychiatry professor at UCLA who researches how the elderly view death and dying, said people who aren't particularly spiritual or religious often have a difficult time with death because they fear that death is truly the end.

For them, "death doesn't exist," she said. "They deny death."

Stevens, she said, "came up with a very extreme expression of it. She got her bodies back, and she felt fulfilled by having them at home. She's beating death by bringing them back."

There was another reason that Stevens wanted them above ground.

She is severely claustrophobic and so was her sister; she was horrified that the bodies of her loved ones would spend eternity in a casket in the ground. "That's suffocation to me, even though you aren't breathing," she said.

So she said she had them dug up, both within days of burial.

She managed to escape detection for a long time. The neighbors who mowed her lawn and took her grocery shopping either didn't know or didn't tell. Otherwise forthcoming, Stevens is vague when asked about who exhumed the bodies and who knew of her odd living arrangement. She blames a relative of her late husband's for calling the authorities about the corpses.

"I think that is dirty, rotten," she said.

State police — who haven't yet released the identities of those who retrieved the bodies — will soon present their findings to the Bradford County district attorney. A decision on charges is expected in a few weeks.

Stevens has talked extensively with both the police and Bradford County Coroner Tom Carman, who calls it a "very, very bizarre case."

But the coroner has nothing but kind things to say about the woman at the center of it.

"I got quite an education, to say the least. She's 100 percent cooperative — and a pleasure to talk to," Carman said. "But as far as her psyche, I'll leave that to the experts."

i finally slept last night,..it's been about 3 months.

i cheated and took some sleeping pills, i was frustrated and stressed out.

i want to sleep again, but i don't want to swallow pills to help, or knock me out.

i don't want to be depended on sleeping pills for the rest of my life, i don't want to be depended on any kind of medications every single day for the most simplest task for the rest of my life.

i'm tired of being sick.

i hate being sick.

i can't relax.

i feel like there are too many strings still attached to me....

i want either to pull it... or cut it the fuck off.

decisions decisions.

i don't know how to think right now... or ever, it was always clearer when i wasn't in a situation.

but i am unsure of outsider's opinions.

i can pick bits and pieces from what people say and take it into consideration, but then again that's just a 'hear what i want to hear' situation, and that becomes pointless.

i'm sick, again.

this time it seems worse than it was before, i am unable to sleep... at all.

my brain just doesn't shut down anymore, maybe it's stress related.

i had a physical medical examination, and a psychotic examination....

so what i got out of those are... i have abnormal brain activity that affects my relaxations which unables me to sleep, and i suffer from mild PMD.

i've been afraid to drive because i lose concentration.

i haven't gone out to see anyone, because i just don't feel happy,comfortable,.... acceptable.

im blah feeling... and it's rude.

but i want time to myself.... but i also want to be with people, i miss people.

i don't know how to tell people what i'm going through, i don't know how or when to seek help and support.. i dont know how to explain myself.

goodnight.

its one of those times where i feel lonely.. again.

its one of those times when i miss people... again..

its one of those times where i start to doubt myself, so much that i can barely smile.

.... i feel blah.

i feel like i need to reconnect with people... say hello more often, smile and wave more often.

but i also feel like all that effort will just disappoint me again, because i know there will be at some point that i will eventually reach again where i feel myself being over the edge.. being too much, clingy, needy, in your face... towards another and will step back and fall right back into this ditch i am currently in.

i've tired/been dating a few different people in the last...... month or so...

hooking up, picking up, going on dates, talk sessions, relax sessions, sex sessions....

all these different people and yet i couldn't find the hype.

my excitement lasts short, my attention lasts short...

or, have the people i been seeing really dull, too easy?

thats it.... do i need a challenge?

i need someone that will challenge my mind.

surprise me, baffle me, demand me, teach me, even scare me...

i need a challenge.

not a friend, but a girl.

older women?

a fierce gal?

a mind terrorist?

.... lets jump a plane.

i spend my days feeling exhausted.

i feel bored with myself, with no aim. no goal.

i spend my nights feeling exhausted.

i lay awake, tossing and turning in the cold.

i feel bored with myself, with the aim to sleep , such a simple task. yet i am unable to achieve it.

i don't know how to cope anymore,

i'm sick and tired.

i'm depressed.

i'm freaking out.

i'm scared.

help me?

i have been such a girl lately that i am annoyed at myself.

i heart this photo, and the day it happened.

ok, so i am frustrated.

i know i become distant once in a while, often.

it's not you, it's me.. honest.

i'm afraid of being depended on you, in whatever way that i feel comfortable around you, i'm afraid of being depending on you, on people...

don't take things too personal until you understand why...

people get angry and assume way too early in a situation.

blah.. what am i saying.....!!!!!!!

i guess what im saying is... or trying to say is..

that, i feel distant to people at the moment and most of the time i don't know why.

i feel like being by myself lately, but so want to be with people... that's hard to please.

i don't seem to get amuse so easily lately either, neither horny.. and yes i find that strange and out of the ordinary for me.

i miss matt.

i miss talking to him

i miss hugging him

i miss his laugh

i miss his stupid smile

i miss being on the phone with him

i miss his voice

i miss him calling me babe

i miss him being the first to say goodmorning and the last to say goodnight, everyday

i miss having coffee with him

i miss the stars with him

i miss his warmth

i miss his heart

i miss his mind

i miss him kissing me on the forehead when im sad n upset

i miss him telling me that he loves me

i miss telling him that i love him

i miss my matty.

if only i said yes to him, he would still be here...

so i found out her name...

Karen...

I FUCKING HATE KAREN!! GGRRRR

FUCKING HATE HER!!

stupid mother fucker!! i hope u suffer.

when you talk online with somebody...

and they become quiet, does it bother you?

what could they be doing that made then move from talking heaps to being totally mia

and finally they say something and its a "brb"

.... i know i don't say much when i'm online, so i could be a total douche for complaining...

i kinda do wonder what the person i'm talking to is doing on the other side...

i dont know...

i thought this could be a way of starting a conversation..

so.. hello i know i just posted something like less than an hour ago but...

the people i were talking to all went offline.. so...

or maybe i should sleep, my sleeping time is getting later and later, i dont want to start sleeping at 2-4am anymore and the earlier i sleep, the more sleep i get because i have broken sleep where i nap and wake every 30mins to an hour.. then stay up for about another 30mins to an hour then drift in and out and in and out again...

i haven't eaten all day =/

yeah, i should sleep now. goodnight

its been a sad couple of months, im not gonna lie..

but i have no ideal on how to amuse myself anymore

i just lost it.

what happened to me

so here's something i want to talk about..after a couple of months with nothing...

i just tried explaining this to cooper, she got it but still confused.

my trans-gender fascination is floating around..

and i was trying to explain to cooper that.. if i could pick my guy to my desire, like to marry and make babies with...

i'd pick a trans guy (not sure if the baby thing is going to be easy but yea..).

and by trans guy i mean FTM (female to male)

(technically, after the process of the change they are not named trans-gendered any more, but fall under heterosexual)

and to make it clear that.. if its forever, its about the mind.. the body is a bonus.

anyway,

why i pick a trans guy is for his personality really...

i like the tomboy personality from a girl... in a boy.

when a guy is a guy, i dont feel like they understand as much as i would like them to, i'm not saying everyone is the same, it's just i think its hard to find the perfect one.... and my perfect one is probably alot to ask for, complicated even.

but i like... the boy mind from a girl.... in a boy..

i dont want a girly boy.

i dont want a boyish girl.

i dont want a lesbian confused boy either.

i like my girls to be girls, and i want my boys to care and not be gay about it.

confused? i know it's complicated.

also, i've been asked again... because i have been so into this whole trans thing...

do i wish to change....?

no, i don't wish to change, i just respect what they do...

i think it's brave, it's brave for them to do something about it, to find happiness by changing mankind, the world. their world.

there are difference for being gay , bi , lesbian , trans.

and no, i dont think its a choice,

i think it just takes realisation.

(how did you know when you are straight? did you decided to be straight? did you try to kiss that boy/girl to see if you didnt like it? no.)

most people don't get what the difference are between them,

bi-sexual is when you are attracted to both female and male.

gay and lesbian is being attracted to the same gender.

trans-gender is when your gender mind and your gender body does not match.

i am a bi-sexual.

not to lie.... some people use this transition for the wrong, for the silly, for the ugly.. and i fucking hate it, it's disgusting.

i think its disgusting that the world still has not yet to recognise the gays , lesbians, bi-sexuals and trans of the world.

i would like to marry the person i love, and you can't help who you fall for. it's not the gender, but the person themselves.

and i think allowing man to marry objects , anime characters, pillows, cats /animals, and girl marrying her dead bf's spirit... is ridiculous. fucking ridiculous.

..ahhhh mind overload.

today, i met the cutest .... trans-gendered guy, ever.

or any guy.

i find him interesting

very interesting, and i am very curious.

i find him attractive.

hello, blog.

so i haven't spoken to you properly for the last few months....

i'm sorry.

alot has been on my mind.

besides having problems... nothing else really happens.

i miss matt heaps though, i keep having dreams about him.

i'm drinking alot more, staying home alot less.

..i guess i got what i asked for.

it felt like a hardcore slap of truth to the face.

..with a slight misunderstanding.

i dont know, my mind is a mess and i can't do anything about it because i dont know what to do.

I

AM

GOING

TO

GO

FUCKING

INSAAAAAAAAANNNNNEEEEEEEEEE

AND

STAB

SOMEONE

IN

THE

FACE!!!!

life has been strange lately , not like it never was...

so i'm not feeling like how i use to be, a tad more angry, a tad more emotional .. and a tad more careless... i dont know what to make of it. but i kind of like it.

i dont know how to explain.

i woke up in the middle of the night missing matt....

i miss my matty.

um um um.... i don't know how to speak it so i'll just type this much to let you know that i'm not ok. or am ok...

am alive.

but i have a bunch on the mind....

and i'm sick as shit.

ok, is it just me or is this picture seriously distracting....

i'm trying to get my youtube on and all i look at is this ....

should i be in tears right now?

should i be angry?

should i be happy that what needed to be said has been said?

i'm angry because you still don't fucking get it,

and i'm in tears because you think so little of me.

and what needed to be said, was said.... well, i wish i knew the words.

i'm drowning in alcohol, i'm surprised i can even type because i can't see any more.

i hate myself that i'm drinking, i swore to myself i would never drink in times like this, only for good times... but then again you swore that you respect me.

DA FUCK!!!

some people, are just fucking stupid.

"can a gay person look in the mirror and get turned on?"

like, fucking seriously?...

like, SERIOUSLY??!!

let me ask you this, douche.

you masturbate right?... is that gay?.. the fact is, you are touching penis and you like it.

so, are you gay?

the nerve of some people...

...yea, so if you haven't yet noticed... i do get a tad offended when people ask STUPID FUCKING gay questions. literally.

dark purple balls.

ARGH!!!

so like, i got cock blocked.

or got it chopped off (yea i'm a girl.... im just letting you know how dramatic this is).

ARGHHH!!!!

half way through and had to leave, MOTHERFUCKER!!

angry.

so like, i was feeling good today...

not so much now.

so like, my mind is going to explode.

in about, two or three ways...

make that three ways....

i am people frustrated.

i am work frustrated.

i am sexually frustrated.

...

i am people frustrated because...

some people just don't get it, and some are just jerkfaces.

i am work frustrated because, i've been on my ass for the last 2 weeks... i need money.

and you know the deal with the sexually frustrations...

always about a girl, . or about power control.

this time's its a girl, someone i've been around quite a lot lately... and it has been driving me insane.

.... um, so like.

i'm a wuss... and afraid of hurting feelings... but sometimes i just need to be a jerkface.

i try to be nice, i try to explain... but you dont get it and dont take me seriously... so by being a jerkface and telling you the cold hard truth about you is a must at some points. right now is it.

hey,

or i need to get laid. to rid of all this stress.

...well, in that case i need to get laid ALOT.

um um um

.. i need to get laid.

so i met a lil cutie while buying flowers for my mama early this morning

wow, it sure has been a while.

she gave me her advice to picking the freshest flowers and invited me for a morning coffee.

soon i had to leave, got her number and will see her again.

cynthia and i went to look at the model homes today (we were totally bored), and my inspiration on a new home is back.

i need to organise my life financially again and go home hunting.

going shopping tomorrow,

um....

seeing Nicky tomorrow night,

i don't know where to take her, maybe for ice cream again.

...... thats it, i'm so tired.

hello, I'm Nhi,

...sometimes known as Phuong, and sometimes Tori.

how are you?

I feel delirious.

i haven't slept, and drowning in energy drinks.... i feel like i have a massive hangover, and my heart is about to freeze.

and do you know why i haven't been sleeping?

stress,frustration, lonely and the horny.

i went to Tegan and Sara's show last night and it was amazing.

Tegan and Sara is the kinda of band that is perfect for live shows, and it will never get old.

it's entertaining, they talk and tell stories and play great music.

the lights guy needs to plan shit out better, almost went blind.

now, the people there...distracted the shit out of me.

1. tall people should stand behind short people, please.

2.under-aged people.... please put your shirt back on.

3. so.... SO many girls there....

and majority of the people look the same because, the butch girls have the same haircut as the lack of a man-man... and the lack of a man-man looks like the butch girls.

anyways, i have to do something now... peace.

feeling like a lil session of word.

nothing has changed since, like. forever.

...besides that my tolerance isn't so high anymore.

i haven't fixed my problems...

all i been doing is bitching lately, i hate it but. boy, does it feel good.

i hate myself when i have to be, different to how i really feel

i hate that sometimes i say something too harsh and i don't regret it

i hate it when i say something and you don't get it.

i hate it how it's your fault, and you don't know it

i hate it how it's your fault and you blame me

i hate it how you ask me how i feel then shot me down for what i say

i hate how you reuse my words, louder .. as an answer.

i hate how you give me lists of excuses every time, for everything.

i hate how you don't understand your boundaries and where the line is set.

i hate how you're using me without knowing,

i hate how i let you use me, without saying anything.

i hate how little you think,

i hate how much i think

is it worth it anymore?

...because you will never understand,

.....you will never change.

wong fu, why are u so good

like no shit... this is gonna be in my next club mix!!

I'm feeling a bit crappy lately but I have seen friends and it was all sunny outside so it cheered me up a little. :)
I think I need to calm things down in general, I don't like my behaviour lately. Though feelings are annoying me. It's fair to say I'm quite confused.

so many times i want to just shut my mouth, so many times.

believe me, i haven't completely exploded....

to be honest i am waiting for it.

looking forward to it almost.

i will stop being angry when you start to think.

I am sooo confused right now. it's cool.
I got very drunk last night...again.
It seems I'm slipping back into my old ways, it's like first year all over again. I'm so bad lately...people should stay away from me I think in case I take them down with me!

my boys =)

ok, so i'm gonna lay it out like this.

i'm tired of initiating again, and i'm also sick of sitting here waiting around.

but hey, not like my bitching is gonna do anything but relieve my insanity of a stress... and i'll get over it, but thats not an excuse for you to not make an effort.

make a fucking effort or i'm out of here, pretty simple.

i don't know.. since when i stopped doing what i want to do, when i want to do something then i'll fucking do it...

lately its all fucked up blurred in feelings.

fuck feelings.

fuck this frustration,

and lonely.

since when did i need somebody there next to me to do something.

since when did i become so depended on people, that the absent makes me feel so fucked up.

my confidence has been pushed over by my frustration.

.. and since when did i become afraid of dealing with girls.

i have 4 i could be fucking, but no... my feelings are in the way.

fuck you feelings.

i need to get the fuck out of here.

I feel like I've lost myself lately. Everything is blurred. I keep having massive highs and massive lows. My old problem has come back in full force and the only way I can think of making it go away is exercise. and music. and of course massive will power but I don't have that right now. I used to talk about it but when it's like this I can't. People can make things worse very easily. and this means nothing to you

OK, I've thought about it.....

there is this new girl at work, and i am 100% sure that is she interested in me...

Friday was fun...

and now that I thought about it, I'm not going to go through with it...

this is my day to day job... the place I need to go to every single day.

having problems and troubles that I need to avoid is not an ideal way to live..

if this was my more social job like my dj-ing days then I wouldn't even need to put so much effort in thinking about it, I'd just think about where to take her for the next few hours (or a quicky) and i'd jump on that boat like no sweat.

hm....

so what have you guys been up to....

I'm a tad bored with my life... trying to go out and have fun again..trying to fuck with people's minds, bodies and lives again... but i can't find the time.

all that's been on my mind is,
" what am I gonna bring for lunch tomorrow"
"fuck, i don't want to wake up that early"

"crap, its still early and i have to try to sleep..so stupid"

" argh!! why can't it be home time now, i want to go home and sleep"

"why can't i get paid daily"

...and that chick that keeps eyeing me.

its only like.... 8:30pm and i am so damn sleepy thinking about work tomorrow...

ahhhaha... awesome.

i want pizza now

http://www.hotchickseatingpizza.com/

love them boys

sexy

now that i'm aware.... i feel like it's a hunt.

it feels wrong, as wrong as being naked in public.

when i'm aware of something, its hard for me to let go and it drives me completely insane.

my mind is torturing me, every single fucking time.

anyway,

...this song i can't stop listening to...

She found things to do with all of her time but forever had a longing to find her place. That day would come, she just knew it.

.... i'm feeling good right now so i thought i'd tell the world before the feeling fades..

i feel good today.

simple things make me happy...

^_^

i love this gay man.

her name is Tisha,

i'm not sure if i have ever mentioned her here before...but i woke up thinking about her.

she lives in America, but we met when she was here for a holiday.

we had a great time, and we have kept in contact ever since.

she is absolutely gorgeous, funny, caring and cool.

She tried her hardest and still that wasn't good enough for some people. She just wanted to be accepted and didnt understand why her kindness didn't always pay off. Were some people that bitter in life? She'll just keep trying. and every time she starts to panic and her breathing starts to go out of timing she will just remember that she's lucky in life.

i am annoyed...

hey, not like it matters but..

dear friends... WHERE THE FUCK ARE YA??!!

so, i have some free time on my hands...

'she's crying for direction,
lost in her reflection,
all the while pretending she's alive'

i want to move away... not to hide from everything, but i just want to be in another place, have another feel and view of things.

i need something new?

i keep thinking that, if only Matt is still around so i can just easily go to him, just go to him, be under his wings til i'm ok again.

my friend said that i need to fall in love, and as silly as that sound, i think so too.

i need the positivity energy around, i think i need someone there to tell me things will be ok no matter what the situation is... like tell me it will be ok when i plan to go to the beach and it fucking storms, say 'baby its ok, we can stay in and watch a movie today and drink hot chocos =)' .

maybe it's time to stop playing and get serious about my heart, open it up a little more.

saying that is easy, attraction is a bitch.

if i find you on the street and i come up to you, that's probably because i think you lookin fine, and what's on my mind is that i wonder what you'll look like naked on my bed, and not ,hey i wonder how you feel about animal cruelty.

and if you're a friend.... then you are a friend, no matter how i much i want you, i am a friend to you.

on that note, i met someone that seriously reminds me of my friend Sara,

the look, the personality, the laugh.

maybe its the shock, but my mind is totally blown...

..and i'm not sure how or where to set her...

good thing i just met her, it gives me a little time before i have to deal with it... in the mean time... she's cute.

...that was so off track.

i feel bored, i have nothing to do, my brother borrowed my car to work today so i'm stuck at home... ran out of things to eat and watch.

nap?.....

"An intellectual is a man who says a simple thing in a difficult way; an artist is a man who says a difficult thing in a simple way."- Charles Bukowski

stupid fucks.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/05/constance-mcmillen-fake-p_n_525856.html

well this is interesting!!!

http://gawker.com/5510343/looking-at-sick-people-boosts-your-immune-system

maybe i should try it out, i am feeling abit down... whos sick.. come here and let me look at you

I've been thinking about someone i have seen recently and she hasn't left my mind for a minute.

i shouldn't be thinking about her this way, i want her every time she's around... and when she leaves i suffer from withdraw.



----------------------------------------------

on the other side...

i feel like me and a friend is falling apart, it's up to the point where i can't find the effort to try anymore... so it's been quiet and sad.

it feels like we clash more and more each time, so i've been quiet.

i don't know if she notice, does she realise?

----------

hey hey, i hope all of you on break are having a wonderful time.... i finally have a day off from everything and it is so boring.



today has been such a boring and frustrating day so far...



been working my butt off to recover my finance hole i have in my pocket...



so what's been happening besides work?



did i mention Sara was back here in Sydney on the 20th of march? no? oh ok, well she was here and i was glad to see her.



and happy news is that i am NOT getting married to Mr stranger anymore!!!!!!!!!

i am not getting married.....



i am now single and free once again, though i don't have time to go out and play, hm...

will have to make time for that, i'm feeling insane.

hey hey.... been working lately.. and it doesnt seem like im going to be very active or active at all on here, but i wont forget about you thats for sure...

anyways i like this

best comment i heard today..

"So0o over girls trying to pull of the "Bettie Page" hair bangs. Lol. I'm sorry, but they are like, REALLY ugly. They look like a accident. Or like someone lost a bet. If I ever have bangs cut an inch above my eyebrows, shoot me point blank in the face."

i also waved at random groups of people walking pass me, and they don't know who i'm waving at so the facial expression and confusions are fucking priceless!!

... finding it way too hard to stay in a professional state for work because the other person i send my emails and make calls too is named "Baby"....

some convos would g like this..

"hey good morning baby.....

good afternoon baby.....

hey baby how are you doing?"

and an interesting one was when i said....

"hey baby can you please send me down your package and just lay it out on my table for when i come in and take a look at it"

....and i was sure that both of us was very uncomfortable after i said that...

my comp is still down and out.. so i haven't been online as much as i usually am..

...bleh.. out of things to say...

if you do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

..... o_O...

"Ladies, we're sure you can relate. If you're sick of guys talking to your boobs instead of your face, here's a way to make them (almost) look you in the eye.

French actress Marion Cotillard stars in a new spoof ad for 'Forehead Tittaes' — stick-on head-boobs designed to divert a man's attention away from your chest and onto your face.

In the hilarious commercial produced by Funny Or Die, the Oscar winner describes the plastic accessories as "France's best kept secret".

"Earn their respect without sacrificing your femininity," she says."

http://celebrities.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=615707&showcomments=true

what... the... fuck...

good idea.. but... what.. the.. fuck..

https://getsureclip.com/ver19/index.asp

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/6892543/gaming-addicts-baby-starves

please support mia

The following day, she rang me while I was on my way home from work and asked if I would come over to her place. Even though I knew what would happen next – and the potential consequences – it was as if I was powerless to stop myself. The very moment I stepped inside her front door, we started making love. It felt incredibly natural. There were no nerves, just sheer unadulterated passion. Finally, I knew what it felt liketo be in the throes of passion.

so i blew a fuse last night...

i'm sorry.

it only takes a moment for me to regain myself...

i blow up randomly alot...

do you ever wondered about what happens to all the things the police seizes?

drugs

cash

guns

and other stuffs...

i could always look it up or ask someone.. but i want to think about this one because it's fun to think the police uses it in some way...

recently it was reported that some dude worked as a constructor at a police station... stole then used drugs that police has seized, by cutting a hole on the wall through the vents.

i like to think of so many ways the police can use all these things...

what about the money...

so they clean it and give it to the bank or something?

spend it?

donate it?

destroy it?

you tell me ways you think or would like to think the police handles all these they take.

i can't believe that..... in this moment of feeling down...

a girl.. from all the way on the other side of the world is trying to make me happy....

and my friends are so absent.

ridiculous.

i want someone to care about, to love and to think about... for every second of the day, and to hold for every second of the night.

i miss the feeling of having a girlfriend/partner.

i miss, i want a long term relationship.

... i guess this is where i say,

... i'm feeling lonely tonight.

well, i guess i should start this then,

i've been sitting here trying to inspire some sort of a post and millions of things are rapidly racing through my tiny little brain that i can't recognise any of them.

so, one second i would feel mellow, then the next is frustration...

i've been staying in...

for the majority of the time and haven't seen my friends or other people for about a week now, besides a few time for work purposes.

i also have been reading the news, as you have noticed... and am thinking way too much about the issues i have already spoken about happening in the disgusting world we live in.

i need to get out, out of my head-space.. and possibly into yours? (was that sleazy?)

i haven't met the interactions of new people in a long while and i am aching to do so, so very aching... doesn't that just label pathetic and desperation all over it? i think so.

last night i had the chance of courting a few ladies during work for mardi gras sydney...

it was an amazing night, i went off to experiment if i could pick up girls or ladies with chocolate, because the girls at work were talking about how much they love chocolate, and how much every other girl loves chocolate... so i went out and tried it, and i got to say... it was the 'sweetest' pick up approach i have ever done, works like a charm in the prince's eye.

the thing i noticed was, it attracted the older ladies... well i guess because all the younger ones were wasted and didn't give a fuck for chocolate, they demanded cold hard cash.. *shrugs*

ahha joking aside, it works well for the cuter - shy - more innocent girls.. and the older - still hot - likes to have fun type of women.

i want to call one of the older ones, i really took an interest in, and i can't stop thinking about her.. i think she may be in her early to mid 30's. just being curious.

i know most of you think i'm a freak for having this fascination about people... but i like to study people, i like to meet new people and observe them, understand their strength and weakness, their behavior when something happens or when nothing happens... their behavior when they want something to happen and etc...

after i said that i like to study people and etc, some of my friends backed away saying that i get into their minds and read their thoughts, controlling them...

fact is, i just observe really well, i listen and watch as you simply talk to me, when you talk to me about something or someone.. and note it down, watch how you behave to something... and note it down.

it is interesting to me because i learn new things every single time.

i know how to keep my boundaries, i know where i stand with you.

so when you speak to me, i am here for you as a friend... and not treat you as a study project like most of you feel like when you talk to me.

OH! i met one of my readers, hello to Holly for recognising me randomly!! lol, this is new... i never knew anyone else besides a few of my friends that follow my blog, after like 6 years of thinking no one reads my blog... so very new to me.

apparently she has been reading my blog for the last 2 years, i bet she knows me really well!!

she is visiting from New York! for mardi gras, can you believe that? someone in New York,

Holly , has been following my life for 2 years... i don't understand why, actually i do.. it is because she came across my blog and it has inspired her to study psychology, so she has continued to read and use me to relate to certain ... stuffs. (she got too technical so i lost what she said, but i understood her.)

and she asked me to enable the comment function so she could comment on my post, but i don't know... i was getting way too much spam and unwanted comments to what i write, so i guess if you want to comment on my post, just email me and i'll reply if you want me to.

HEY take a look at that!! i just realise that i am the study case for Holly, booyah?!