Hi,

i was recently diagnosed with some sort of brain disease, and wont be able to live for much longer... actually i dont know when i will pass... i chose not to know.. and the depression is catching on, i thought i'd be fine since i was never afraid of the worse...

i dont want so many of friends or family to know for their sake and mines... i dont want them to worry and just enjoy time spent, and i dont want to be pulled away of trying to enjpy my time spent by being reminded and of questions to keep being asked.
the ones closes to me, i feel bad for because i have been disapearing alot lately and they get worried, frustrated and not knowing whats going on with me, i'm sorry and i love you, never forget that.
i need time to except..
but all at the same time i am seeking comfort. its not easy finding comfort, its hard to find comfort on its own let alone with a sickness...

i want to and do tell the people close to me that i love them, but i don know if that is making it harder or easier to live with.. i dont want to build this big joy of love then take it away when im gone, or maybe it'll stay with them and it wont be so bad because i have let them know how i feel...?????????????????????????????????????????


why am i feeling this way.....
is it because the situation is not voluntary?


-[Pd]-