... just trying out my brothers new keyboard....it feels like a laptop keyboard and it like very sleek , my only problem with it right now is the backspace is too small...

besides that, its alright so far.. i like the quiet tap.

also just reinstalled my computer again....!!! haven't installed office yet, so trying it out on here... type type type.

................................................

excited about hanging out with my friends again tomorrow.

VERY EXCITED....

i hope it happens.

the first of the bunch to get a wong-fu production 'nice guy' shirt.

envy much.

on that note,

phil and wes... from wong-fu with the freshly printed posters of ISA.

um, WTF??!! where is spongebob ?.

it even shows what the spongebob toy is suppose to look like on the bottom right, FAIL!!!

kate and her new gibson!! and beautiful girl with a beautiful guitar.

loving this photo.

i know i am like a million years late but,

i just finished watching the notebook, it was shown on TV...

... i cried.

...badly.

shows that you'll never understand the commotion until you experience it for yourself.

i guess this means i gotta get a move on harry potter ey?

and lord of the rings... and starwars.. etc...

so, my brother came home with one of those show bags you get from a fashion show... and every time he would bring one of them home, it would make me realise how much of a girl i am(sarcastic tone included), i would get all excited about seeing the products and such until i dont know what the purpose of them are, i read all them fine prints on the product and still don't understand what they are used for.. and sometimes i misread a word and that makes me confused even more, for example tonight i read " waving gel" as "shaving gel".. and i threw it at my brother telling him to take it.. and automatically he rejected it because it had come from a fashion show she obviously it is for females, so i started reading the description at the back and it reads " texturize curls and waves with flexible control." and did you know how much that confused me? VERY VERY!!!... so then i read on... "pliable elastic-fiber-infused gel formulated with Redken's exclusive Bonding System helps deliver stretchable shapes, textured movement and a frize-controlled finish." and then it teaches you how to use the product.. " Style: rub a small amount in damp hands and finger, style through damp hair"..... by this stage i was totally spinning out thinking " man.. is this to style hair down there?.. wtf?"

so then i sat there a while thinking about it, and it smells kinda nice... and then i was fidgeting with the tube and i finally read it as waving gel. i got a slap on the head from bro after that, coz i was laughing so hard and he thought i was completely stupid.

...was a good laugh though.

OH!!.. there was also a pair of g-string in there.... now that just triggered thoughts and wonders about all the really pretty looking ladies what were there... fashion show.. obviously would have models.

hm...

i just want to say, i miss christine and the ribbon in her hair.

if u know, u know.... if u dont.. then no stress.

hung out with Iris today... i miss how cute she is.

i think i need people around... i depend on people being around to be happy...

thats what iris said... and i agree with it, because if no one is around, then nothing happens, so how can you be happy without anything happening? you just can't.

so she came over and pushed me to her place...

well, it was more of a ... pull then kick... and then pushes.. and then drove me.. and then push.. and push.. and push... and then pushed to lay down...

she put on a movie.. but i fell asleep...

i can't take bridgette anymore... shes all hot and all but... i think that is making her way too cocky.

....cooper is so mean... she didnt tell me she is back in sydney.. i only found out like a week ago, she has been back for almost 4 weeks now.. and she didnt tell me... i am so cut. nah i'm only joking... i love her.. kinda.. hm... no, i do... really.. i so do(looks around).

anyways.. i know now.. and i can now drown her in.... me?

and hopfully ... my dirty talk and actions will be controlled?

gosh, it became so bad that... to some that have known me as only sweet and nice.. totally has a different view of me now...

shit, what was i trying to hide for... sweet my ass, i aint sweet.. i actually dont know what i am.... a mess... such a mess i am. a dirty mess?

um, ok thats it...

-[Pd]-

the hang drum...... why didn't anyone tell me about it earlier??!!!

have you seen a star lately?

for the last week or so... Jane has gotten a hold on me, Jane figured out almost all my secret pleasures.... and has been taking advantage of it, and it has been driving me insane, making me stress, frustrated.. and major tension.. i have not slept properly for the last week.. and my eating isn't so well either... because food is pretty sexual too.

after all that.... today i feel sad... because i miss love.

i feel so jaded.

about almost everything, I'm tired of being an adult and having serious responsibilities.

i want to be at the age of 3 where i don't need to think about what to cook for dinner tonight, when to pay the bills and go to work to pay that bills, i don't want to book for appointments myself, i don't want to clean up the house and after others... i don't have to babysit, i can chuck tantrums anywhere anytime, someone would tuck me in to sleep, people would tell me im cute and buy me toys and clothes... i would be able to kick that stupid stranger thats pissing me off and they can't hurt me...i would be able to run to someone if i had a bad dream, i'd be able to cry without thinking im stupid and feel ashamed that i'm weak.

but,

i'd like to have a special someone as well, and at the age of 3, that doesn't happen.

i want to be at that sweet age where, everything is going in my favour...

maybe 17?

love was sweet at 17, though, i had my sweet love at 15-16.

i want to live the age of 17 with a life of a 3 year old... is that possible?

...maybe in my head only.

i hate growing up, though i really look forward to my golden age.. where i have hopfully settled down and relaxing. but if i want to get there, i have to wait and work for it, really hard.

i miss love, and smiling and being happy...

i miss all the warm feelings.

call me a wuss, call me a pussy.. i don't care, i'm only human and every human being has feelings, even you... so don't hide from it and express it because the world deserves more love, more hugs and more kisses.

i'm tired.

-[Pd]-

hello, it's been a while....

LATE NIGHTS MAKE ME DO WEIRD THINGS,SAY WEIRD DEEP EMOTIONAL SHIT!!!.

stop bringing back the past man... the past can fuck off.

i am aware i do it too, but.. why do you always bring up and discuss my pass relationships and etc.. why?.. whats the point of it... why make me think about my life for??!!

i bring up the .. sweet times when we were all innocent.. and got along without trouble.

so, why do you bring up my heartbreaks for?... i have enough holes in my heart as it is...

late nights, is like me being drunk... depending who or crowd i am with at the current.. i get really extreme, might be.. flirting, naughty talk, emotional talk, really hyper to name a few.

i just become more extreme.

i don't usually sleep so it happens a lot, maybe because everyone is sleeping so there is no commotion to distract me... with no one around i don't need to watch myself so much.. the conversation is just between me and you and maybe my limits stretches a bit more.

i don't know, but maybe.

or, i'm just too tired to care at the point of night.. my polite,nice side went to sleep.. leaving my other side to run wild.

stay up and rebel...

i had a great night with the girls last night and i wish&hope that the feeling of that night never dies... and we continue to be part of each other and come together to share our lives and thoughts of our lives and the world out there... different views are aways better than one view.

there sat five different views.

seven.. including the kids.

eight... including the baby.

it is so difficult to get all of us together because we all have our things to do, epic fail...

but that day just somehow worked, such a fluke.

but it was a great fluke.

i appreciate it a lot when it does happen.

ok, be straight... am i a dirty minded person? ok, i reckon i am... but, do i say it out too openly?

i know i speak openly and make fun of and mock... and sarcastically comment with certain things but, is it getting out of control do you think? because apparently... i made a remark 85% of the night.

if you know me then i would like to know what you think... because i know my friends has accept it.. but is it a default personality that pops up when people think of me?...

I'm not freaking out... i am just curious.

and last night's conversations made me think about a lot of things that i haven't realised or noticed lately, and now i'm wondering what have i been doing? where has my mind been off to?

something changed, and my thoughts changed, my actions and behaviour changed.

for example, they were talking about psych class.... and i thought... 'hm.. i haven't thought about someone in a while' - ' i haven't tried to figure out someone out in a while' - ' - i haven't been out to meet new people in a while, play with their minds a bit'....

i just realised that i have stopped analysing anything and anyone... like my mind has been absent, i really think that my mind is absent.

maybe, i am going through down time.

i doubt that though, because the way my mind has been behaving, i wouldn't call it absent or down time.... maybe one part had taken over, maybe... but no down time (more like overload with sexual thoughts of... everything... have you realised that you can make everything, if not a lot of things sound dirty/naughty?) .

Matt left me a comment on my facebook that.. play is a choice, and i don't disagree on that...and then we got into this whole thing about me messing around with people's minds and such... and he told me to play safe... play nice.. because yeah.. apparently i get into people's minds...

but i don't target and dig into people's mind... i only pick up on the things they let out.. like i said, body language/ facial expression plays a huge roll, but it's also the imagination and the conclusion, assumption of people that plays the part as well...

what do you think of when i say..... whipped cream.

you might think of food like.. strawberries, or a nice iced coffee... i dont know, you tell me.

honest(90%of the night has whipped cream invloved.) , my first thought is strawberries... but it also doesn't stop there....... there always has to involve another person when i think about whipped cream.. and it was pretty obvious that my friends picked that up from me... 99% of them would know that i would be thinking of something sexual, does that make them dirty minded too? because they knew?... how would they know.. if they didn't, or like i said... its a default thought for me from others, so predictable, so expected.

ok, another question... is it ok to hand to mouth feed a friend strawberries with whipped cream?.. i did it last night and apparently a lot of people say thats not an ok thing to do with a friend...

what do you think?

is spoon feeding ice cream to a friend wrong too? is hand to mouth feeding a pizza wrong too?

my friend and i.. we are that comfortable around each other that often we feed each other.. most of the time is because one or another's hands is occupied (on the phone.. txting... we are txt-holics).. or driving.. or it's just quicker as a 'here, try this' method.. (yea.. we do that in restaurants.. and people don't think thats normal as friends).

hm.. now i'm thinking about the whole.. friend bounderies ...

what is acceptable and what is not..?

isn't it just depends on the level of comfort between you and your friend?

like, i have close friends but i only hug a few of them and not all... (im not naturally a touchy feely person, so i do't hug everyone i meet) <-- with that said.. i'm not saying that they arnt special or you know.. i just find that, i hug some people.. and some i don't... and i question it when if they are a close friend.

some people just hugs and kiss everyone.. no point, i'm just saying.

and what about the level of trust.. and comfort.. and bondage.. how much do you share with your friends...? how much does your friends share with you?

hm... questions... questions.... i'll never get answers... even if i do.. i'll pick it apart and raise more questions...

i am so cold right now, i am sitting here in shorts..... i have no idea where my pants went... did they take a holiday in busy season or something??!!

-{pd]-