WELP... Today .. IS the most important day .... XD..( if dunno wat it is.. tilt ya head left) well i will tell you WHY it is so. well for starters... it is indeed my birthday!! ^_^ yups.. it is my 16th birthday... ROFL.... and.. today... my promise and my waiting life begins.... well... im sorry if u cant understand me very welll meybe that is... is coz im probably partly drunk.... and im sorry it wasnt my idea or fault!... others spiked my drink...ROFL... im sorry.. i didnt mean to drink it... i didnt know until a while later... i made about $230... lol.. .. i wish i couldv spent today or birthday with Duyen.. like last yr... ooohh how that was wonderful... last yr... and part of this yr was great... coz i still had her around....oh how i love that gurl! -_-` but she gone now.... *AHEM*
well... i got... 3 years left of my life ..ROFL... 1095days to be exact! ROFL..lol.. hm Yes.... today is important..... yup.. lol..OMG im so full lol... well anyways.. yes i think thats all i wanna say ROFL... um... yes.. lol.. I Love you baby.....
WTF>??? LMAO....
stay koooool peeps...
Peanut
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Saturday, December 25, 2004
so confussed and lost!!!
I am so... confussed and lost... yes.. i know i am confussed and lost of many things... but this time.. its about.. my... um.. as u say.. Love Life. As you know.. i am still in love with Duyen... my recent ex. and now an update... i have another two girls hanging off me... one.. name Nancy and one name Fiona. and one more part of that is .. the problem im having with them... they think im in a relationship with each of them (like.. Nancy think im dating her and Fiona thinks im dating her)( they dont know each other) i tried telling them ... that its not true.. but they always think im joking about it.. so yea.. but i cant say that i dont enjoy their company.. its just that.. i have two of them... and.. AND.. i still really really REALLY like.. well... Love Duyen.. so its abit hard...
you see...
when i talk to Nancy or Fiona.. i ... um.. i tend to loose focus with Duyen...(i know.. some of you are saying its a good thing) but.. sometimes.. what they say.. or do it reminds me of Duyen.. and.. or.. when.. i look at Duyen's picture.. i feel her... emotionally feel her... and.. i feel that i need her in my life again.. and all that.. u know what i mean? (yea.. all you are saying is get rid of her pix its simple.. its not.. because.. even if i do.. i still got her picture her.. face.. in my heart and mind.. who knows over the years it might fade.. but right now.. its not.. it is standing strong and still!!!)
SO...... wraping that up.....
all it meant was.. no matter what i do... or who i meet or take interest in.. i always turn back to Duyen.. i mean i even(i know this sounds lame and sad but) cry to/for her most nights.. and i end up not sleeping.. yea.. if u know me.. u probabaly know that i havent been sleeping for a while.. yea.. i havent been sleeping since.. me and duyen started having trouble in the relationship till we broke up.. and she stoped talking to me.. and till now.. i havent been sleeping.. well most night anyways.. like 1 out of 5 nights i sleep... its like that ...that should give u an idea of my sleeping pattern... but rarely.. i sleep..... but i dont know.. i dont know what i should do anymore. i cant over come this.. she meant...mean so much to me.. i cant help but think of her all the time.. and think how stupid i was to push her away from me like that.. hm....
Gee i hate being single.... so confussing .. lol... i mean.. being single isnt bad its just lol.. to many.. confussing situations... ahhhh im a mess.!... lol.. let me ask you ppl.. which one of you look for a relationship.. which one of you look for love... ??? i dont.. i reckon it comes naturally so why not let it flow and take its place..? lol.. and im not actually a kinda girl that goes out to find ppl... im not actually attractive in anyway ( as u could see in my pic) im ugly.....lol..im a tomboy for one lol.. and its kinda hard to find the "kind" of ppl for me.. coz of me being bi-sexual and all .. lol.. anyways!!!!!! hahah got a lil of track there!! ROFL.. ..
gonan go now.. so STAY KoooOoOOL...
PeanutDevil
you see...
when i talk to Nancy or Fiona.. i ... um.. i tend to loose focus with Duyen...(i know.. some of you are saying its a good thing) but.. sometimes.. what they say.. or do it reminds me of Duyen.. and.. or.. when.. i look at Duyen's picture.. i feel her... emotionally feel her... and.. i feel that i need her in my life again.. and all that.. u know what i mean? (yea.. all you are saying is get rid of her pix its simple.. its not.. because.. even if i do.. i still got her picture her.. face.. in my heart and mind.. who knows over the years it might fade.. but right now.. its not.. it is standing strong and still!!!)
SO...... wraping that up.....
all it meant was.. no matter what i do... or who i meet or take interest in.. i always turn back to Duyen.. i mean i even(i know this sounds lame and sad but) cry to/for her most nights.. and i end up not sleeping.. yea.. if u know me.. u probabaly know that i havent been sleeping for a while.. yea.. i havent been sleeping since.. me and duyen started having trouble in the relationship till we broke up.. and she stoped talking to me.. and till now.. i havent been sleeping.. well most night anyways.. like 1 out of 5 nights i sleep... its like that ...that should give u an idea of my sleeping pattern... but rarely.. i sleep..... but i dont know.. i dont know what i should do anymore. i cant over come this.. she meant...mean so much to me.. i cant help but think of her all the time.. and think how stupid i was to push her away from me like that.. hm....
Gee i hate being single.... so confussing .. lol... i mean.. being single isnt bad its just lol.. to many.. confussing situations... ahhhh im a mess.!... lol.. let me ask you ppl.. which one of you look for a relationship.. which one of you look for love... ??? i dont.. i reckon it comes naturally so why not let it flow and take its place..? lol.. and im not actually a kinda girl that goes out to find ppl... im not actually attractive in anyway ( as u could see in my pic) im ugly.....lol..im a tomboy for one lol.. and its kinda hard to find the "kind" of ppl for me.. coz of me being bi-sexual and all .. lol.. anyways!!!!!! hahah got a lil of track there!! ROFL.. ..
gonan go now.. so STAY KoooOoOOL...
PeanutDevil
Friday, December 17, 2004
um.. just want to talk?
Hey i just want to point out something from todays newspaper, its my star sign..
" 'There are more questions than answer'. or so the song goes. That's not necessarily true, though, as many questions seem to have more than one answer. It's prbably also why we end up asking the same old questions, over and over again, only to find that the answer keeps on changing.You are feeling more than a little frustrated at the moment. An awkward, antagonistic alignment between your ruler and the Sun makes you suspect that the weekend will contain further puzzles.But actually, things will get easier." hm.. kinda true.. but very unsure about the last bit about getting better.... or easier... ..
im just.. so.. ticked off!!! so bloodly frustrated with myself!!!! its like ARGHHH!!!! i think im like.. metally ill or something because not everything i do is to blame for. nothing is to blame for i reckon... i reckon that people blame because they cant find the correct reason for things ... for things they do.. their concequencies as i like to call them.... um...i just had apoint.. but.. i lost it.. so yea.. um.. but still ... i think i may have mention that i have an confession on my mind...? i so want....NEED to talk about it.. or to tell the truth behind what i did. i just have it weighing on my mind... always on the top front of my mind... hm... i did what i did on purpose and for the best. for her best more it is.... so yea.. im not feeling that well at the moment.. so yea...
stay chilled
PeanutDevil
" 'There are more questions than answer'. or so the song goes. That's not necessarily true, though, as many questions seem to have more than one answer. It's prbably also why we end up asking the same old questions, over and over again, only to find that the answer keeps on changing.You are feeling more than a little frustrated at the moment. An awkward, antagonistic alignment between your ruler and the Sun makes you suspect that the weekend will contain further puzzles.But actually, things will get easier." hm.. kinda true.. but very unsure about the last bit about getting better.... or easier... ..
im just.. so.. ticked off!!! so bloodly frustrated with myself!!!! its like ARGHHH!!!! i think im like.. metally ill or something because not everything i do is to blame for. nothing is to blame for i reckon... i reckon that people blame because they cant find the correct reason for things ... for things they do.. their concequencies as i like to call them.... um...i just had apoint.. but.. i lost it.. so yea.. um.. but still ... i think i may have mention that i have an confession on my mind...? i so want....NEED to talk about it.. or to tell the truth behind what i did. i just have it weighing on my mind... always on the top front of my mind... hm... i did what i did on purpose and for the best. for her best more it is.... so yea.. im not feeling that well at the moment.. so yea...
stay chilled
PeanutDevil
Monday, December 13, 2004
i think its time..... for what u say?....
well my friend its time to leave everything behide.. like what? hm... like... my life? my love... ( i know i know.. in ya head u probably going.. here me go again.. always this.. but whats your point.. its my place to talk about my problems and what i feel) um.. yea.. i think its time.. i dont think i can count down the days anymore... yea.. if u know me.. like.. on my hotmail messenger.. i count down the days to my plan of death.. and at the same time im holding on to a promise i made and "committed" to, so i have no choice but to keep hold to it,so thats why im counting or else i'll be dead by now.
hm... have you ever had someone... shove alot of bad things in your face? and its like.. hard enough for you to like... go on with your life without it? do you live in a broken home...? and do you ever run away from home.. and you try to call up your friends for help.. BUT NONE OF THEM PICKS UP????or reply?? so your stuck with no where to go? oh yea.. and plus to that u have no money on ya?,.. and its raining ? so its cold and wet.. and your hungry.. but you said to yourself your not going home for at least 2 or 3 days?... well thats what happened to me.. now isnt that a bummer... and today... omg.. and what a dear friend i have.. that tries to "help" me.. so much that lead me to such writting... what a true friend that is.. ok enough with the sacasim with that "friend".. so as u can tell.. it was a shitty day..
oh yea... i visited a cemetery today... and its like.. so amazing that some of them has been there for so long.,like over 100's of years... but the thing is.. the whole time i was there i was thinking where am i gonna be buried when i die. is my grave gonna still be there after a 100 years? even.. is anyone gonna bother visiting it? me? but then after all that.. i felt like.. that is too much attention.. i dont want that much attention... its like.. i live my life ,u live yours.. when its over its over.. but still theres a saying "He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. " and still so its true when u think about it.. people dont cherish you until u are actually gone.. but i dont want that.. i just want to be gone. I wonder sometimes .. that when we die.. what happens... like.. u know those stories about hell and heaven... how hell is bad n for bad people so they get punished and heaven is for good people n they get served....?.. its like.. how do we know that really happens... like.. did someone actually died and come back to tell the story?.. i mean.. did that really happen? then if so.. how can they escape the "eternity" and why cant other people or " spirits" so that.. and how does that work.. i mean.. the cycle.. u know the death cycle.. everyone should..yea.. how does that work.. so u die.. float to eternity to do your servings then granted a life(babylife) get ya head rewined and pop there u go your alive again? ( im sorry if this offening you in anyway.. its just im curious.. i mean i have been thinking about thses things since um... what 8?) and what happens to your "old" memories... i mean what if u had a really good life... in the end is it all a waste? coz you get your mind erased? oh yea.. and in movies.. lol in movies.. some people have "flash backs" on their "past life" does that happen? coz i think i might have that once... or twice.. (or im just crazy) and it scared the living hit out of me ...and so to the person i was with... but then again.. to think... of it.. i might be crazy... well thats what i think of myself... crazy.....
hm... i think i just got abit out of hand there with my curious thinking about death... but anyways... yea.. oh geez.. i think i wrote too much.. so yea.
peace.. stay kool.
PeanutDevil
hm... have you ever had someone... shove alot of bad things in your face? and its like.. hard enough for you to like... go on with your life without it? do you live in a broken home...? and do you ever run away from home.. and you try to call up your friends for help.. BUT NONE OF THEM PICKS UP????or reply?? so your stuck with no where to go? oh yea.. and plus to that u have no money on ya?,.. and its raining ? so its cold and wet.. and your hungry.. but you said to yourself your not going home for at least 2 or 3 days?... well thats what happened to me.. now isnt that a bummer... and today... omg.. and what a dear friend i have.. that tries to "help" me.. so much that lead me to such writting... what a true friend that is.. ok enough with the sacasim with that "friend".. so as u can tell.. it was a shitty day..
oh yea... i visited a cemetery today... and its like.. so amazing that some of them has been there for so long.,like over 100's of years... but the thing is.. the whole time i was there i was thinking where am i gonna be buried when i die. is my grave gonna still be there after a 100 years? even.. is anyone gonna bother visiting it? me? but then after all that.. i felt like.. that is too much attention.. i dont want that much attention... its like.. i live my life ,u live yours.. when its over its over.. but still theres a saying "He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. " and still so its true when u think about it.. people dont cherish you until u are actually gone.. but i dont want that.. i just want to be gone. I wonder sometimes .. that when we die.. what happens... like.. u know those stories about hell and heaven... how hell is bad n for bad people so they get punished and heaven is for good people n they get served....?.. its like.. how do we know that really happens... like.. did someone actually died and come back to tell the story?.. i mean.. did that really happen? then if so.. how can they escape the "eternity" and why cant other people or " spirits" so that.. and how does that work.. i mean.. the cycle.. u know the death cycle.. everyone should..yea.. how does that work.. so u die.. float to eternity to do your servings then granted a life(babylife) get ya head rewined and pop there u go your alive again? ( im sorry if this offening you in anyway.. its just im curious.. i mean i have been thinking about thses things since um... what 8?) and what happens to your "old" memories... i mean what if u had a really good life... in the end is it all a waste? coz you get your mind erased? oh yea.. and in movies.. lol in movies.. some people have "flash backs" on their "past life" does that happen? coz i think i might have that once... or twice.. (or im just crazy) and it scared the living hit out of me ...and so to the person i was with... but then again.. to think... of it.. i might be crazy... well thats what i think of myself... crazy.....
hm... i think i just got abit out of hand there with my curious thinking about death... but anyways... yea.. oh geez.. i think i wrote too much.. so yea.
peace.. stay kool.
PeanutDevil
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