well my friend its time to leave everything behide.. like what? hm... like... my life? my love... ( i know i know.. in ya head u probably going.. here me go again.. always this.. but whats your point.. its my place to talk about my problems and what i feel) um.. yea.. i think its time.. i dont think i can count down the days anymore... yea.. if u know me.. like.. on my hotmail messenger.. i count down the days to my plan of death.. and at the same time im holding on to a promise i made and "committed" to, so i have no choice but to keep hold to it,so thats why im counting or else i'll be dead by now.
hm... have you ever had someone... shove alot of bad things in your face? and its like.. hard enough for you to like... go on with your life without it? do you live in a broken home...? and do you ever run away from home.. and you try to call up your friends for help.. BUT NONE OF THEM PICKS UP????or reply?? so your stuck with no where to go? oh yea.. and plus to that u have no money on ya?,.. and its raining ? so its cold and wet.. and your hungry.. but you said to yourself your not going home for at least 2 or 3 days?... well thats what happened to me.. now isnt that a bummer... and today... omg.. and what a dear friend i have.. that tries to "help" me.. so much that lead me to such writting... what a true friend that is.. ok enough with the sacasim with that "friend".. so as u can tell.. it was a shitty day..
oh yea... i visited a cemetery today... and its like.. so amazing that some of them has been there for so long.,like over 100's of years... but the thing is.. the whole time i was there i was thinking where am i gonna be buried when i die. is my grave gonna still be there after a 100 years? even.. is anyone gonna bother visiting it? me? but then after all that.. i felt like.. that is too much attention.. i dont want that much attention... its like.. i live my life ,u live yours.. when its over its over.. but still theres a saying "He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. " and still so its true when u think about it.. people dont cherish you until u are actually gone.. but i dont want that.. i just want to be gone. I wonder sometimes .. that when we die.. what happens... like.. u know those stories about hell and heaven... how hell is bad n for bad people so they get punished and heaven is for good people n they get served....?.. its like.. how do we know that really happens... like.. did someone actually died and come back to tell the story?.. i mean.. did that really happen? then if so.. how can they escape the "eternity" and why cant other people or " spirits" so that.. and how does that work.. i mean.. the cycle.. u know the death cycle.. everyone should..yea.. how does that work.. so u die.. float to eternity to do your servings then granted a life(babylife) get ya head rewined and pop there u go your alive again? ( im sorry if this offening you in anyway.. its just im curious.. i mean i have been thinking about thses things since um... what 8?) and what happens to your "old" memories... i mean what if u had a really good life... in the end is it all a waste? coz you get your mind erased? oh yea.. and in movies.. lol in movies.. some people have "flash backs" on their "past life" does that happen? coz i think i might have that once... or twice.. (or im just crazy) and it scared the living hit out of me ...and so to the person i was with... but then again.. to think... of it.. i might be crazy... well thats what i think of myself... crazy.....
hm... i think i just got abit out of hand there with my curious thinking about death... but anyways... yea.. oh geez.. i think i wrote too much.. so yea.
peace.. stay kool.
PeanutDevil
