SICK IN THE HEAD.....

I AM A VERY SICK PERSON!!!!!!
last night i dreamt i was at a market and i saw a a family arguing ( mum, dad, lil girl about 10? and a boy about 3 years of age) i saw it... i heard it.. then i saw the boy wonder away.. then i ran up to him grapped him and ran out of the store (with them chasing me) then i cut a corner... and i saw myself chopping and sliching up the kid,.. blood was everywhere!!! then i put it in a bag and continued running. then i woke up vomiting!!! and couldnt get back to sleep.
i sat there for that rest of the night thinking about it and i dont understand why that happened. why would i do that... i love kids. i dont hate people (though people do hate me).. and the family i saw was very familiar to me... i could name the family.. but i wont. this is horrifying!!!! i mean like... if u know me... i have a feel for blood but NOT IN THIS WAY!!! omg... i feel sick as im writting this up.
I Need Help....... my dreams lately... have been really crazy. so scary... violent.. death. etc...... and always waking up vomiting!!!!! (its like ewwwwww lol..) maybe all my horror movies are getting me and joinging it with my reality. is that possible?

YOU KNOW WHAT??!!
IM DONT LIKE TO BE PUSHED AROUND BY FUCKEN HOES ALRIGHT.. YOU FUCKEN YR 9 SHITS THINK YOUR SO KOOL COME HERE AND I'LL FUCKEN NAIL YOUR FUCKEN UGLY BITCH FACE IN!!! YOU HEAR ME??!! IF U FUCKEN TOUCH ME OR EVEN FUCKEN BREATHE ON ME AGAIN.. IMMA SERVE U RIGHT FOOL SO DONT BE MESSING WITH ME.



oh yea... had alil misunderstanding with a few people just wanted to say sorry. with the phone calls and text messages.)

Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful
Tiptoe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth burns deep inside
And will never die
And you never knew
Our wrongs remain unrectified
And our souls wont be exhumed.

=(

i just had the news that i am going to loose the family dog =(, i dont really know him but still i cant help but feel sad in this situation (duh!!) im going to miss that guy...
so this is a message to him.
hey boy...
i never really knew you.. i wish i had given effort to get to know you but now its too late... i know that u are a great dog. and this should give u a lil more freedom then what is provided in my family and our backyard... ur a beautiful dog boy.. u really are. so where ever ur steps take u... enjoy it boy... enjoy it...
R.I.P Milo....... ='(

why do i miss her.... is it because i actually love her? or just miss having her around.. or just simply miss having someone there.. right next to me all the time.
i really dont know to this point.. i have my doubts... i have my hopes. and one thing for sure is i miss her.

i need anger management.... i did a bad thing im not pround of but yet i am? its the passion that counts i guess. as to this means blood feels good so... yea.


um.. skool is still giving me the shits.... um... stress......

um... still thinking about pacific people.... aka sara... duyen.... hm... (talked about duyen up there in the green).. um..

JUST IN A BAD MOOD

I'M GOING TO BEAT UP AND MURDER SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY AND KILL ANYONE THAT TRIES TO STOP ME.


well that felt better. saying that made me feel better^_^. maybe i should do it for real so i would feel even better!!! coz im sick of getting to shits. im an individual and not owned by anyone. and im sick of the shits im getting. FUCK OFF. dont talk to me if ur just simply gonna piss me off.
F@%^^&(&^#$^@%#%Q@#%$HU^%HL^KQ@)%!#$()&%!@(*$@#)$*(@)$*(!@ #)* %!@ )%*)$%*)$%(!_$%(!*)%(K BOQWERUW()*T)$(*OWRIWPERI)@#*%ORJOEIR)#*@%&*#$)^*%()#_$(I.


*deep breath in and out* yup.. definatly feel better.

i will. kill. just wait and see. just wait for it. and i'll get away with it as well ^_^ no one will be able to lock me up.^_^

just watch me.

Things are so different now you're gone,I thought it'd be easy I was wrong.Even though I'm with someone new, all I can think about is you.Thoughts of you are in my mind always,Like a memory that I can't erase, it's here to stay. everything that you meant to me,Is written in the pages of my history,



Why can't i move on.....???!!! its over.... its the past...yet why can't i move on!!!
i have a bf now!! i should be happy!!! but why arnt i... why.... why am i still thinking of her.....

when you set a goal... it seems so hard to get there... don't you think?
have i said i've given up on sara? i thought i did... but she and the avoiding thingy poped back on my mind again today... been thinking about it all day, lol saw her all day, bumpd into her.. um... 3 times? today.. felt weird!! and i thought about it.. and i shouldnt be feeling weird. at sport i had a talk with my friend and some problems she was having... and to tell you the truth... i have never saw her so upset n sad and confussed since.... ever. and during the talk.. i said some things to her that made me realise that i should be taking my own advice as well, about conflict...... and such. i dont know why i dont do it.. maybe its because its happening to me and that i dont think on whats actually going on and stuff. and others your thinking for them..well whatever she choose to do.. i hope her well!!!

I have been having alot of different sorts of dreams lately. about sara.. duyen... ricky(tran).. fiona... scary monsters... fantasy land.... etc etc. and its all almost weird everytime. im a lil disapointed in saras and duyens dreams.... it all ends with me dying some how. =S ... maybe thats a message im suppose to take in from them.. but yet again.. its just a dream... -......

i've been trying this.. newself thing my psychologist told me about and trying to put me to try it out if it helps me control myself better and not be so crazy. and its giving me the shits!!! i'v been in bad moods since a week ago.. i hope the bad mood goes away soon... right now.. im either too high or too much of a bad mood.


SchooL..... is also giving me the shits... everything is bloody friggen limited in school BESIDES WORK!!! grrr... and what also is giving me the shits at skool is that i see the people that i cant interact with.. and i really want to. im not saying they are pacificly giving me the shits,, its just the FACT that i cant talk to them is.=/ but what can i do. i tried.

i have more to say .. but cant really put it in word at the moment... so seeya

~[Pd]~