well ........
its my birthday today.... and i am pretty much lonely... didnt even get a proper CAKE!!! ANDI LOVE CAKE!! bought a cake in woolsworth instead!!! BY MYSELF*sigh* it is pretty lousy i suppose.. but alwell.. the day is that matters... but how i choose to spend it..

its going to be new years soon..... and i hope it does man "new year" for me.. i need to start of fresh again... coz this year is the worse year so far in my life...officially and literaly. and i also hope i do better in school than this year!!! GEEZ!!! oh yea. and hopefully get a "proper" partner this time.. someone i can actually stay with this time.... *sigh*

um..... u know what i found out from the last couple of day? i really like to eat prawns!!!! ROFL.... and have u ever eatten it fresh? raw? its beautiful......
and u know what else i found out? i hate planning stuffs!!! GEEBUSSSS!!! i do.. i really really do..... i think i'd rather go out on my own in this case!!! GRRR.... *FRUSTRATED* it is so much more easy to go out by urself.... although it is lonely but you actually get to go out without PLANNING!!!

its been so hot lately i cant feel my legs!!! lol... .... my god.. i want to go to the beach but its too TOO hot (well thats the point but) AND toooo damn sunny...

ANYWHO.......... hope for the future!!!!

laters.. -[Pd]-

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get out...
side the world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

It's hard to wake up,
When the shades have been pulled shut.
This house is haunted, its so pathetic, it makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away
My stupid poem could fix this home,
I'd read it every day
So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone,
Will you remember this night?
Twenty years now lost
It's not right
Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants,
Then why's there so much pain?

OMg...

Christmas....boxing day.... my birthday then news years (days in order)
OMG i think its time to get drunk and get laid?? O.o..... dont you think? ~_^
LMAO

well i went shopping with Cynthia today.. and bumped into helen and a whole heap of other people... lol... i bought a couple of things and a new belt ROFL... my mum freaked to see it.. it was kinda crazy lol.. um.. the day i was interesting.. i learnt new qulities of different people.. um..well the shopping ended kinda early coz run out of money so yea.. and then.. went home... meet Troung? Truong?... Luu, and walked 3/4 way home with him.... he was different today.. he wasnt as jerky as he usually is at school... he was actually nice.... it was kinda weird but yea.. it was nice.. then i got home... had a shower... ate. then came on net to find only about 6 people were on... now that is 5:42? about 194 people are on .. and i recieved a birthday present from Cynthia and Helen today .. lol.. i was.. well i didnt expect it but it was a book called " a thousand paths to love" by David Baird.. its kinda a um.... wisdom kinda book with talks about love (obviously) and so far i read a lil bit of each section and its kinda "asking too much" but its a good book.. thanks girls.. um.......... i am so tired right now , hm.. i havent had any coffee today.. thats kinda supprising.. so im wearing my new belt right now and its kinda too big for me so i had to punch 2 holes in it so now its still abit big but yea.. oh yea lol.. this morning when i was waiting for cynthia at cabra station.. i was drinking V..(the energy drink) and it was a long neck so.. this really old guy about 60? came up to me looked at me and said.." its only 10 in the morning why are u already drinking alcohol, celebration is over"(christmas i guess?) and i was standing there going.. "sorry but this isnt alcohol" then he sighed, rolled his eyes and said "whatever" then walked away... lol... HOW WEIRD WAS THAT!!... anywhos.... yes.. my birthday is coming up and people are pressuring me to make a party.... but i dont wanna coz i dont feel like it... but im being pressured.... but still im not making one.. i just want a cake lol...... i like cakes lol...

well thats it for now.... laters....

-[Pd]-

i am very pissed off and frustrated and FUCKEN ARGH!!!!!

i cant take it anymore!!! from what u ask? FROM EVERYTHING!!!!

fucken fucks.

grr???

i miss her...... i feeel jealous.... ok the deal is i DO miss and love her!!! but to think of it.. i dont think i want her back with me...this sounds bizar but this is how i feel after like one? whole year maybe more.. of missing her and thinking of her.. n... etc.. that is what i reckon, i have been thinking of her alot lately and its been killing me coz of the fact that i cant get to or with her..and im starting to compare other people with her and its fucken bullshit!!! I AM A FUCKEN RETARD!!!.. why am i stuck on her... what does she have that others dont??!!.i am frustrated... -_-"...

you knwo what?? i and stressed .. i think

well

and u know what? my birthday is coming soon =D.. AND for all ur Kristin Kreuk fans!!( lana lang from smallville,Fiona in eurotrip) she and i (i proudly say) has the same birth day as me ( shes born in 82 me 88) ROFL IN YA FACE!!!!! =D... fucken drink up time ...turning 17 and yet i feel so fucken old!! lol...

um.... bloody school holidays.... its sucks ass... so fucken boring...been drinking too much and fucken babysitting.. ROFL hence... not a very good combination i have here... alwells... i need a gf lol...

um... hi helen,... i know ur reading this .. how you doing,,,,


well anywhos!!! i wanna post more but... dont have anything to talk about so.... laterz peoples!!!

-[Pd]-

just a couple of things over a couple of days

I think that I am jealous. I shouldn’t be. I know I miss her but I shouldn’t be jealous of who she is with or even look at. Loving her one thing and moving on is another. When I first saw her I thought she was alright.. then when the moment came that I just had one look and I know that I’m in love with her, just one moment had captured my heart, I still could remember and visualise it, it was the greatest moment ever, I knew I was in love. Recently I bound and swore that I was over her.. well I was really wrong and to prove that? I typing this. I love her, her smile and importantly her heart. And I love the way she loves me the way she touch and kisses me it is always a comfort and never a force. Sometimes I think im just crazy and that she was too good to be true and we never happened at all. It was all a dream. Another day continued. I keep having dreams of her and it all symbols that I really want her back, well my dreams couldn’t be any more obvious!!!. It all involves her and me back together of some how, but the dream last night.. I think it was showing me if I gain something then something else will be lost? Well it is possible if u think of it, of course I thought about it , that lead me to here as I’m writing it, maybe I am trying too hard or not hard enough to live my life and to get what I want or importantly need… I cant be any more stressed as I am right about now. Actually to think of it I can. I know that things like this cant help itself from happening and there is no way to prevent it from happening so I just need to face it one way or another… and when it comes it hits ya right in the face!!!. Alwells that’s life for ya.oh yea I have another thing on my mind that’s pissing me off!! I don’t wanna say but I know not many people read this anyways so.. yea.. I am sexually stressed and frustrated!!! Grr… it is so pissing … well to me anyways.. and in “situations” I cant do anything about it.. … u know what I mean?.. well if u don’t, don’t worry about it, im not going to make it obvious… I’m opened minded but this is too personal so im going to leave it at that. I feel so tired these days and I’m starting to drink alky a lot again lately and I think Helen is getting annoyed… I remember a couple of nights or days ago I had a mini lecture from Helen… lol… I think I made her abit crazy from me lol… from my naughty habits.. lol.. Helen if ur reading this and I know u will… im sorry .. this is just me. and me is who I am, so who I am is just being me. I found out lately that I really like this girl name Christine and im focused on her but somehow… I always turn back to Duyen… its like I cant move on from duyen. I don’t know what to do… my head is at one point where it is just going to boil up and explode… oh and u know what? I also recently found myself cutting myself more than I did before.. maybe im not as scared as before when I first did it… but I have more cuts now then ever, I don’t know why I do it but I thought about it and I guess it just one of the way or method, if I may , to release some steam. I know its not a good thing but I cant stop it for some reason to another, I think that’s just apart of me.

heyhey kids.. this is nhi .. now on todays show i will be talking jiberish so stay tuned for the bullshit and fuckedup things....

well first of all i juat wanna fucken talk about being gay.. well what is wrong with being "gay"!! its like.. the people tha teases gay/bi people because they are different right?? why the fuck do that for.. have u noticed that they do that and that the same their trying to BE FUCKEN DIFFERENT??!!! to be fucken kool n shit.??!! fucken hipercrites!!! fuck you..
imagine urself in a world where being gay is straight and being straight is gay.. so imagine that the whole worl d is gay and ur the only one thats straight... yea.. imagine that.

and racism what is the deal with that.. i mean i understand that the olden days it means " fight for ur country" and ur country is ur colour and thats how u know its ur people/country. but now... the world is fucken bonding.. just let it be.. why continue fighting for.. just wasting energy. and i know that people have their egos but for the sake of the world GIVE IT A BREAK!!!

oh yea.. and speaking of egos!! i hate it how some people come up to u n go " hey.. how u doin' , u know what im gonna do with you? im gonna give u my number" and its like what the fuck?? then u just wann hit them coz they in ur face?!! YEA MAN i fucken hate the in ya face people!!! and mostly when ur eating and they get right in front of ur fucken face!!! its like half a centremetre from tip of nose to nose.. *sigh*
oh yea... fuck man.. and some people.... takes fucken bullshit so called diet pills and do not show any friggen improvement at all!!! and they seem to eat more and more and more and its like.. they think that that are loosing all that weight but seriously.. have u weighed urself before starting??? and fucken waste ur money and shit? and theres this pacific person at skool FUCK!! i hate her man!!! she does that and fucken hell man.... STICK WITH THE FACTS MAN!!!! and... AND i reckon there is no fucken reason for her to even go to skool anymore!! i mean.. seriously.. she is only there possibily for youth allowance thats if she get it. coz all she really has is fucken english and the rest is free??? fuck that.. kick her outta skool already... and shes so.....!!! ARGH fucken... fuckedface??
ANYWHO!!!

thats alot of anger to pull out!!! i feel a tiny better now... but not really.
OH YEA!! and the people that writes on the friggen toliet walls/doors... GET A LIFE!!!! mostly the skools ones.. fuck man.. get a life..

ok that is all!!! bye bye bnow kidies!!

-[Pd]-

this goes out to someone that was once important person in my life
i didnt realize that at the time
i cant forgive myself for the way i treated you, girl
i dont really expect you to either its just,
i dont even know, just listen
your the one that i want t
he one that i need
the one that i gotta have just to succeed
when i first saw you
i knew it was real
im sorry about the pain i made you feel
that it wasnt me
let me show you the way
i look for the sun but its raining these days
i remember when i first looked into your eyes
it was like, i was there heaven in the sky
i wore a disguise
cause i didnt want to get hurt
but i didnt know i made everything worse
you told me we where crazy in love
but you didnt care when push came to shove
if you loved me as much as you said you did
then you wouldnt have hurt me like, i aint shit
now you push me away
like you never even knew me
i love you in my heart, really and truely
i guess you forgot all the time that we shared
when i would run my fingers through your hair
late nights, just holding you in my arms
i dont know how i could do you so wrong
i really wanna show you
i really need to hold you
i really wanna know you
like no one else can know you
your number one
always in my heart and now
i cant belive that our loves torn apart
i need you and
i miss you and
i want you and
i love you cause
i wanna hold you
i wanna kiss you
you were my everything
and i really miss
i know you gonna sit,
and play this with your new man
and sit and laugh that u holding his hand
the thought of that, just shedders my hearts
it breaks in my soul and it tears me apart
all time i was scared to show u
now i want to hold chu until i cant hold u
without chu, everything seems strange
your name is forever planted in my brain
damn it im in sane, take away the pain,
take away the heart, babe we can make it work
when without looking into my eyes
so make you love me
as u would hug me
i guess everything u said, was a lie
i think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
now im not i even a though n ur mind
i could see it clearly, my love is not blind
lets wish everything could of just turned out different
i had a special feeling about u
its all maybe u did to
u rather understand
no matter wat u would always be in my heart,
and you always be my baby.
i first day it seem so magical
i remember all the times i had with u
remember when u came to my house
you look like an angel wearing that blouse
we hid the door
i knew it was real
but now i cant take all the pain that i feel
reach in ur heart
i know im still there
i dont wanna hear, that you not longer care
remember the time, remember wen we kiss
i didnt think is would do me like this
i didnt think u wouldnt want to see me depress
i thougth u be best for me this i confess
u said u was my best friend
was that a lie
now im nothing to u
your with another guy
i tried, i tried, i tried, and im tring
now in the inside feels like im dieing
and i do miss u
i just thought we werent meant to be
i guess now we will never know
i only thing i want is for u to be happy
rather if ur with me or without me
i just want u to be happy.

-[Pd]-

Duyen is back ........