just a couple of things over a couple of days

I think that I am jealous. I shouldn’t be. I know I miss her but I shouldn’t be jealous of who she is with or even look at. Loving her one thing and moving on is another. When I first saw her I thought she was alright.. then when the moment came that I just had one look and I know that I’m in love with her, just one moment had captured my heart, I still could remember and visualise it, it was the greatest moment ever, I knew I was in love. Recently I bound and swore that I was over her.. well I was really wrong and to prove that? I typing this. I love her, her smile and importantly her heart. And I love the way she loves me the way she touch and kisses me it is always a comfort and never a force. Sometimes I think im just crazy and that she was too good to be true and we never happened at all. It was all a dream. Another day continued. I keep having dreams of her and it all symbols that I really want her back, well my dreams couldn’t be any more obvious!!!. It all involves her and me back together of some how, but the dream last night.. I think it was showing me if I gain something then something else will be lost? Well it is possible if u think of it, of course I thought about it , that lead me to here as I’m writing it, maybe I am trying too hard or not hard enough to live my life and to get what I want or importantly need… I cant be any more stressed as I am right about now. Actually to think of it I can. I know that things like this cant help itself from happening and there is no way to prevent it from happening so I just need to face it one way or another… and when it comes it hits ya right in the face!!!. Alwells that’s life for ya.oh yea I have another thing on my mind that’s pissing me off!! I don’t wanna say but I know not many people read this anyways so.. yea.. I am sexually stressed and frustrated!!! Grr… it is so pissing … well to me anyways.. and in “situations” I cant do anything about it.. … u know what I mean?.. well if u don’t, don’t worry about it, im not going to make it obvious… I’m opened minded but this is too personal so im going to leave it at that. I feel so tired these days and I’m starting to drink alky a lot again lately and I think Helen is getting annoyed… I remember a couple of nights or days ago I had a mini lecture from Helen… lol… I think I made her abit crazy from me lol… from my naughty habits.. lol.. Helen if ur reading this and I know u will… im sorry .. this is just me. and me is who I am, so who I am is just being me. I found out lately that I really like this girl name Christine and im focused on her but somehow… I always turn back to Duyen… its like I cant move on from duyen. I don’t know what to do… my head is at one point where it is just going to boil up and explode… oh and u know what? I also recently found myself cutting myself more than I did before.. maybe im not as scared as before when I first did it… but I have more cuts now then ever, I don’t know why I do it but I thought about it and I guess it just one of the way or method, if I may , to release some steam. I know its not a good thing but I cant stop it for some reason to another, I think that’s just apart of me.