..whoa?..

ok so i meet this girl a couple of weeks back, she is from brisbane, she came to sydney for a visit, so i meet her at a cafe at the city where i had spent the night with a couple of girl friends of mine.. well anyways.. one thing led to another, and we did it, u know... we did it. it was great but thats not the point of this post.. well maybe it is because like.... 2 nights ago she called me and things happened lol.. and i last night i was on my gay networking website and i found her profile page and she had a mini blog on it. and to my fasination i found me on her blog lol..

well anyways, i found a very intimate post of me about the phone call. and i think what she wrote is heavyly exagerated. but i find it interesting the way she feels about me and situations. so here it is.... ( ahh warning. if u do NOT wish to read intimate things about me i advise u close the page now. otherwise, enjoy? [i'll change the font colour so its not so exposed- highlight it to see it].).

Called her yesterday. started off with a usual conversation, was thrilled to fly back to where she is in 2weeks' time, but I couldnt wait. I can't wait to fuck her again. I love hearing her moan for help, moan for me to stop, cos she can't take it anymore. I love her breasts, love it when she comes and becomes so wet I wanna finger her til she scream my name.I got hornier by the minute. told her i missed her... so much.. that i wanna fly back right now, this moment, so that i can hold her, kiss her, finger her, strip off her clothes, and lick her pussy. she told me she misses me arching my back, moaning in our doggy. I got wet... very soon.. I had our toy.. in me.. and was moaning into the phone.. It was so loud i think my housemates heard.. i was embarassed at the end of it.. cos i felt shy... i had an orgasm over the phone.. she described what she has been wanting to do to me, and i can't help getting aroused and touched myself... i fingered myself and imagined her doing her in me... it felt soo goood. i had to let out my pain, my climax, I told her i was coming, told her to come harder, faster.. i breathed hard. she kept quiet the whole time, listening to me moan. I couldnt think of anything to say, i was just thrusting it in and out of me so fast that whenever i wanna tell her i love her over the phone, i couldnt. I kept moaning, louder and harder..And I came. it was the best orgasm i've ever had. Over the phone. It was so sensual, i could feel her coming all over me, and dripping wet on my satin sheets. I love you baby. U make me come like no other men had ever. I'm gonna fuck you so hard u scream for help.

so there you go. when i read it, i was like WHAT THE FUCK??!! lol..

nothing more to say.

-[Pd]-

whats the point.

do you remember the post i wrote called "through the glass"?

the exact thing happened to me again today.

for those who doesnt know, look for the post for a detailed feel. or.. i'll cut it short for u here, right now. that post was about how i went to this cafe and i sat on the inside of the cafe and there were tables on then outside and a glass wall dividing. i saw a girl, she made me feel confident, yet confused. and so on... passinate moment. then she vanished as if she isnt real. i still dont know if she is real or not, i dont want her to be an illusion, i dont want to loose that moment. i felt so much in such little time.

the exact thing happened. that familiar sight of a gracful figure so sweet. i could have imagined it in my mind but i hope i didnt. i hope this is real, this everything.
this girl, i want her so badly there is no exact words to say. but i dont know her.


what does it mean. what does this mean. if it was my illusions then what am i trying to tell myself. and if this is real then what is going on. is it a joke?. i hope not.

i feel like i want to find this girl. i feel like she has answers for me, i feel like she can put me together and actually keep me that way. i do feel silly thinking this way but this is the only hope i have left from my twisted screwed up mind of my fucked up life.

i cant figure out what this means. since that day i have thought of that moment everyday. i want to find her, i want to know what she was doing, why she was present, then why she appeared again. or i just want to know who she is.
i want to find her.

i feel like im going to explode from this complicated thinkive world of mine..
i actually do feel that im breaking down again. maybe its because of the rapid change thats been going on. like.. leaving school where i basically spent all my life, friends leaving states for further educations, or for work. relationship changes and pleasing the needs and wants of others. observing the society around me. everything is scarying me. maybe im not as independed and confident as i thought i am.

i try to talk to a couple of my friends because im feeling upset and such. but they dont seem to listen to what im trying to say, i know im not great with words, but i try my best. anyways,. they only listen to the words and not listen to the meaning of the words and they dont see my problem.. or some see my half way to my problems. that doesnt help at all, the stressing enough trying to make sense of whats upsetting me to myself then try to explain it to other people, mostly to slackers. it pisses me off how u make a promise to listen and help me and dont keep or try to avoid it. dont make fucken promises at all. it just fucks things and people up even more.

i guess this is the reason i put up this blog. so i can take the time to talk. to talk to u, to talk to me. whatever. just to talk. and if u care then u'll read it and understand it, not just browse through and judge the misunderstoods.

this is me. straight up.take it or leave me alone....

-[Pd]-

An angel kissed my strings while I slept last night
And her rhythm broke my hunger
And I died a little less

Well I just want to get some, get some while I’m still tall
Lets tell the world we’re unheard we’re unsure, We’re unstoppable
Lets tell the girls to be strong - to be sure - to be heard
We want to be heard

You’re all, you’re all I want
Yeah all I want
So tell me where have you been?

Well an angel kissed my hands while I slept last night
And when I woke up this morning
I missed you something Fierce

Fashion isn’t dead
No it’s just inside out

She says she need’s a priest to get closer to God
I say all I need’s a ladder
I want to touch your skies

You want it all
Do you want it all?
Do you want me at all?
Do you want it all?

And you’re heavy in my heart

You’re heavy in my hands

You’re heavy in my mouth

Yes you’re heavy in my day

You’re heavy in my songs

You’re heavy in my light

And you’re all that I want

Yeah you’re all that I want.

-[Pd]-

i want a proper girlfriend. someone i can actually stick to for a general long or very long time. someone that probably knows me well and im in total truth with, or else it'll wont work out.

i said that because i am actually really.... not liking this swinging life of mine anymore... its so complicated with most, or i feel as though i will soon run out of people to swing with!! lol.... (i know, i know.. i just had to make a joke of it... but hey.. thats me lol )

i just to settle down now... stay with one. i really like this girl, she is a pretty close friend and we have been friends for a long time. i try not to get involved with her in that way because i dont want to loose the friendship that we share.. i love her dearly but i try to keep my distance.

*sighs* i dont know what im missing but i feel like im missing something or someone, i dont know what i want. do u know what u want?
im always feeling empty. i could be missing you. yeah.. you.. but then im not sure and i dont want to mislead anyone. thats been a big problem for me right now... maybe im not presenting myself properly, yeah.. maybe thats it, because i dont like to show my true self with new people, just the basic general interests of me.

ah... so many issues.... with everyone and everywhere.

-[Pd]-

ayes...

so.. alot has happened since i last posted.. its just i couldnt seem to be able to log in so im sorry for that.

umz... first thing.. i want to tell everyone thats been asking about my eye. i had been hit. yes.. thats right.. i got hit. right in the eye. i went to a lesbian bar with my friends and i was sitting that the bench waiting for my drink, this girl came and sat next to me and ordered her drink, she started talking to me and polite as i am (lol) i talked back, 5 mins later her gf came and hit me in the face. she tried again but misses then i locked her down on the floor. at that point the girl was screaming at her gf how it was a mistake and stuff like that.. then she calmed down i let her go. two hours later they came and apologise and bought me a beer.. lol. thats it.

i been swinging quite alot lately, its beginning to become pretty bad and risky.. lol.. but still fun, which was the point!!! hahahaha
yes...parties, girls, sex, alcohol, drugs.. its all happening!! well not so much sex and drugs lol.. but their included sometimes.

sometimes i wonder what ever happened to my innocent years... but then i figured i didnt have many inncocent memories to begin with. alot of shit had happened to me since like i was in yr 4? how old would i be,.. um about 9? 10?... so yea.. i remember thats about the age i realised i like girls but didnt accept or admit it until year 6 and publicly admitting it in yr 8.... wow... two years apart lol...

my cousin is getting married and shes making it in vietnam,.. and i want to go, i might, talked about it and decided to go but not sure yet.. because. depends on what happens.. and if i do go then i cant celebrate Helen's 18th birthday... *cries*.. and if she decides to go to canberra to study.. i will also miss out on her birthday, or i can travel there to visit her ^_^.
who knows the future huh....

so... i hope all u people have a great year this year... and hope all is well and hope everywhere else in the world is and will be well with no more war and disasters and crap like that....

-[Pd]-