do you remember the post i wrote called "through the glass"?
the exact thing happened to me again today.
for those who doesnt know, look for the post for a detailed feel. or.. i'll cut it short for u here, right now. that post was about how i went to this cafe and i sat on the inside of the cafe and there were tables on then outside and a glass wall dividing. i saw a girl, she made me feel confident, yet confused. and so on... passinate moment. then she vanished as if she isnt real. i still dont know if she is real or not, i dont want her to be an illusion, i dont want to loose that moment. i felt so much in such little time.
the exact thing happened. that familiar sight of a gracful figure so sweet. i could have imagined it in my mind but i hope i didnt. i hope this is real, this everything.
this girl, i want her so badly there is no exact words to say. but i dont know her.
what does it mean. what does this mean. if it was my illusions then what am i trying to tell myself. and if this is real then what is going on. is it a joke?. i hope not.
i feel like i want to find this girl. i feel like she has answers for me, i feel like she can put me together and actually keep me that way. i do feel silly thinking this way but this is the only hope i have left from my twisted screwed up mind of my fucked up life.
i cant figure out what this means. since that day i have thought of that moment everyday. i want to find her, i want to know what she was doing, why she was present, then why she appeared again. or i just want to know who she is.
i want to find her.
i feel like im going to explode from this complicated thinkive world of mine..
i actually do feel that im breaking down again. maybe its because of the rapid change thats been going on. like.. leaving school where i basically spent all my life, friends leaving states for further educations, or for work. relationship changes and pleasing the needs and wants of others. observing the society around me. everything is scarying me. maybe im not as independed and confident as i thought i am.
i try to talk to a couple of my friends because im feeling upset and such. but they dont seem to listen to what im trying to say, i know im not great with words, but i try my best. anyways,. they only listen to the words and not listen to the meaning of the words and they dont see my problem.. or some see my half way to my problems. that doesnt help at all, the stressing enough trying to make sense of whats upsetting me to myself then try to explain it to other people, mostly to slackers. it pisses me off how u make a promise to listen and help me and dont keep or try to avoid it. dont make fucken promises at all. it just fucks things and people up even more.
i guess this is the reason i put up this blog. so i can take the time to talk. to talk to u, to talk to me. whatever. just to talk. and if u care then u'll read it and understand it, not just browse through and judge the misunderstoods.
this is me. straight up.take it or leave me alone....
-[Pd]-
