i'm feeling depressed. could it be true that my family is having troubles again? with the exactly same troubles again?. if so, am i going to go thruough the same stange of miserable-ness like i once was in?
i hope not.
i hope i've grown stronger than that, but i do feel myself weakening to every situation happening to me right now and theres no one i can talk to, well i do but no one has the patients or enough patients for troubled me. it is hard enough trying to find or make sence of things and putting them into word can just kill me, so if i could make sence of things and able to put them into words then i dont need to talk it out. simple enough isnt it? why cant most people just sit there with me, just sit, it's not hard.
i can be dramatic in the moment of things, actually i think everyone is. and i say that is because when i feel depressed i noticed i become suicidal, and i dont know if i am trying to get attention? or am i really feeling that way, or... am i just curious of what it can deliver me. i just dont know, but i'm really dramatic and serious, and my mood swings like crazy and i wonder about my mood swings as well, am i using that as an advantage to lie to myself about the current situation? and or to let me see a different side of things.
why cant we EVER follow our own advice? or are we too messed up to think to it. its like having a top view of the maze and being in the maze itself, it can be a HUGE diference.
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i'm going to be in the hospital for the next couple of days starting tomorrow for treatment, the treatment could be dangerous because it's to the brain so i have to stay there for a couple of days so they can keep an eye on me, i hope i'll be fine though, like i told everyone.
Nicky has been praying for me, like literally praying for me, like going to church and holding and reading the bible to sleep sort of praying, extreme isnt it? but it does help me to have hope!! like i never had before, she's such a sweetheart and it melts my heart from everything she does for me. Thank you Nicky for caring so much and showing me your extreme Love and kindness. I love you more than more!! .. lol..
Thank you all of you for caring.
-[Pd]-
