well, i guess i should start this then,

i've been sitting here trying to inspire some sort of a post and millions of things are rapidly racing through my tiny little brain that i can't recognise any of them.

so, one second i would feel mellow, then the next is frustration...

i've been staying in...

for the majority of the time and haven't seen my friends or other people for about a week now, besides a few time for work purposes.

i also have been reading the news, as you have noticed... and am thinking way too much about the issues i have already spoken about happening in the disgusting world we live in.

i need to get out, out of my head-space.. and possibly into yours? (was that sleazy?)

i haven't met the interactions of new people in a long while and i am aching to do so, so very aching... doesn't that just label pathetic and desperation all over it? i think so.

last night i had the chance of courting a few ladies during work for mardi gras sydney...

it was an amazing night, i went off to experiment if i could pick up girls or ladies with chocolate, because the girls at work were talking about how much they love chocolate, and how much every other girl loves chocolate... so i went out and tried it, and i got to say... it was the 'sweetest' pick up approach i have ever done, works like a charm in the prince's eye.

the thing i noticed was, it attracted the older ladies... well i guess because all the younger ones were wasted and didn't give a fuck for chocolate, they demanded cold hard cash.. *shrugs*

ahha joking aside, it works well for the cuter - shy - more innocent girls.. and the older - still hot - likes to have fun type of women.

i want to call one of the older ones, i really took an interest in, and i can't stop thinking about her.. i think she may be in her early to mid 30's. just being curious.

i know most of you think i'm a freak for having this fascination about people... but i like to study people, i like to meet new people and observe them, understand their strength and weakness, their behavior when something happens or when nothing happens... their behavior when they want something to happen and etc...

after i said that i like to study people and etc, some of my friends backed away saying that i get into their minds and read their thoughts, controlling them...

fact is, i just observe really well, i listen and watch as you simply talk to me, when you talk to me about something or someone.. and note it down, watch how you behave to something... and note it down.

it is interesting to me because i learn new things every single time.

i know how to keep my boundaries, i know where i stand with you.

so when you speak to me, i am here for you as a friend... and not treat you as a study project like most of you feel like when you talk to me.

OH! i met one of my readers, hello to Holly for recognising me randomly!! lol, this is new... i never knew anyone else besides a few of my friends that follow my blog, after like 6 years of thinking no one reads my blog... so very new to me.

apparently she has been reading my blog for the last 2 years, i bet she knows me really well!!

she is visiting from New York! for mardi gras, can you believe that? someone in New York,

Holly , has been following my life for 2 years... i don't understand why, actually i do.. it is because she came across my blog and it has inspired her to study psychology, so she has continued to read and use me to relate to certain ... stuffs. (she got too technical so i lost what she said, but i understood her.)

and she asked me to enable the comment function so she could comment on my post, but i don't know... i was getting way too much spam and unwanted comments to what i write, so i guess if you want to comment on my post, just email me and i'll reply if you want me to.

HEY take a look at that!! i just realise that i am the study case for Holly, booyah?!

does it matter if i skip the day's exercising routine? because i am feeling tired from being on my feet all day today?

or do i have to still go through with it...

so far my 2 weeks of daily exercising is going well, besides the other day where i only did 978? step then gave up... and today.

but like seriously... if i have been running around doing things all day and is exhausted from it, is it ok to skip the routine?

anyway.. im skipping it.

i run around at my park, and every round i go, i pass this park name sign and on the back is all these stupid little kids graffiti, like.. i love john and gang names..

and who the heck is amber? her name is written at every park around my area..

anyway, i see this quote, " we only get sexier" apparently about a gang...

but as i run pass that, every single time, i simply laugh at it.. as if its something to motivate me with.

so just sharing what my daily routine is.. bridgette helps me with this routine and i really like it.

bridgette is a intensive exercise people, you'll see when i list my routine.

in the morning,

1 hour of power walking, 50 push ups, 50 sit ups, 15 squats.

and in the evening/night,

20mins warm up walk, 1 hour jogging with sprints every 10mins for 1min each time, 20 push ups, 20 sit ups, 10 squats.

and after about a month or two months of all that... going to add in pull ups and weight training.

wow, that looks so scary!! i was so afraid of it in the beginning but i like it once i started and got use to it, first is started as every second day for a week, but it is done daily now.

.... now i need to control my eating, a tad difficult from all i been having for the last 8 months is doughnuts and coffee!!

only how i can control what i eat is to not go out so much.

so i apologise for not being around so much.

just reading my news again....

and i have a question, actually a few questions...

first of all.... what is sex to you.

i'm reading about all these sex offenders case and etc and whenever i read a female to female case, it is always charged different,

in the current i am reading is between a 23 year old trainee teacher having "sex" with a 15 year old student, and apparently they have been dating for 6 months during her stay of employment at the school...

a ex-police officer, also female, had "digital sex" with an under-aged girl...

(Whenever a finger or toe is used as a stimulator during sex, it is considered digital sex. This is because fingers and toes are medically called digits.)

and then theres vaginal sex....

how, is sex identified and be named in a legal/law matter... between a female to female, and not in society...

is that a valid question?

i know all those cases up there are bad and bad examples.. but i'm just wondering how.

same thing with a male and a male...

AND WTF in the name of bubbly fountains is up with all these sexual crimes,rape, murder and abductions of people and little kids!!

like seriously, what is up with that?!

has it always been around? but just more in the media these days?

or are people just fucking disgusting !!.

it makes me sick to the bone to hear about kids being sexually abused, physically abused, raped, neglected and killed. it makes me sick.

why do people do that, why.

there are many cases where the accused, being male or female, stating that they have "love" for that under-aged/child....

that is a fucking excuse!! love does not mean to have sex with them, love is to care and protect them. to protect them from fucking creepy sick pedophile people.

have a sexual urge? FIND A FUCKING PARTNER!!

or hey!! the downtown brothel is open for business, i hear they take requests for fantasies.

i'm just sayin....

damn the current affairs these days, it is completely ridiculous!!.

978 steps was all i did at the park today..... before i gave up and went home, didn't even reach my run time... just walked.

wasn't feeling it.

such a dull day today....

exhausting.

i feel like boosting a bunch of caffeine in me and break shit...

i need a boxing bag....

maybe i'll just box on wii sports for now.

need to feel the impact at the end of my fists.

i feel so odd today, i woke up feeling so exhaustedly frustrated!! but nothing happened.

message in a bottle, float it out to sea....

if you were to put a message in a bottle and float it to sea, what would you write?

what will you get out there or off your mind?

do you send it out in hope of someone reading it?

or

do you hope for it to get lost forever...

would you consider placing a photo or picture in the bottle?

...or an item?

------------------------------------------------

thinking too much again,

i miss Matt,

i'm exhausted...

i hope my getaway to Vietnam will help me put my life back... realise some things and do something about myself.

i just need to be in another place, need to feel relaxed....

come back bright and fresh.

.... it's been a while since anyone has genuinely asked me how i am, or how i'm doing.

i dreamt of him last night, and it felt so real.

i feel like if i would die right this second, i wouldn't care...

i would not care at all, not at all.

i keep forgetting that I am getting married.

hello hello, catch up time....

care for a cup of coffee? or tea, help yourself.. the kitchen is a few steps away.

i'm eating a jam biscuit, it's actually quite nice, didn't expect it to be.

like before, not much has been happening for me,

just updated my music collection....

handling kids, children and infants.....school, homework, mouths to feed, baths, bottles....

i'm pretty sure, soon enough i'm going to be driving a minivan. FML.

the new year fuss has finally passed, i like quiet time.

i'm leaving for Vietnam soon... i like vietnam, it's relaxing to me.... and i get to do what i want, most of the time when i want!! everyday consist of me watching pretty ladies and cafes and riding motorbikes (scooters).... would you like a massage? yes please.

... i got distracted and visited the Apple website for a tad second, now i forgot what i was going to say.

i feel sorry for the people that have to put up with me and my problem of having distractions

anywho, i miss drinking with friends.. with sara more specifically, was chatting with her earlier on before she decided to go watch a movie... and to think about it, i am most comfortable drinking with sara(or just generally comfortable with her),

because,

1. she actually drinks with me... that means she actually drinks with me and not wuss out or have so less that there is no point on drinking or pass on it at all.

2. there is no pressure, drink at own pace.

3. conversation wise is comfortable, even though it gets pretty deep.

4. she likes vodka, as do i... no need for other fancy nancies or beer.

..... um.

OH!!!!! hahah speaking of sara....

I'M GOING TO SEE TEGAN AND SARA's CONCERT when they come to australia for their tour!!!!! OMFG i am so excited!!! happy happy HAPPY!!!

so. can't. wait!!!.

please May 7th come sooner!!

check out this guy's music, and show him some love , "Never Shout Never" http://www.myspace.com/butterflyrapers

omg, there i go again, was checking out youtube... is it me or did gabriella cilmi transformed from seriously annoying to totally hot... the music video of her latest song " on a mission", she is totally hot. or does it help that she is also surrounded by all the other good looking females....

i don't know, what i'm on about.

anyway.... enough shit from my dull brain today... going to sleepo... nighty night

it might take a little time for you to see that you are the love of my life

finally gotten off my ass and bought myself a ipod nano yesterday...

...so what, it's purple.

......

OH!! happy lunar new year!!! the year of the tiger, i hope the year of the tiger will boost your courage, opportunities, wealth and health to all of you.

anyways... i'm just listening to physics and came across this guy... i like the way he explains things and not let boundaries from stopping him think beyond.

yes, i can see that i have lost my place in your world

...and to be completely honest, i saw it coming.

it doesn't and never surprised me, i saw it coming...

...i saw it coming but it still hurts by the fact.

..... and you Joseph Vincent, you blow my mind.

catchin up on my news...

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/6796023/skeleton-five-different-bodies

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/6794601/girl-beaten-security-guards-watch

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/australian-news/6795994/man-not-guilty-in-sexsomnia-rape-trial/

so, what do you think about what's going on in the world of ours.

lalala blog.

life,

day by day has been very busy, but when i think about it, i don't think i get much out of a day as much as the amount of effort i put in it...

people take too much advantage of my freedom?

i run around here, i run around there....for them.

in a day, say... 8 of 10 things are done for not me.

anyway.

otherwise.. my life.... "my life".. has been quite quiet, not much of anything happening for me, everyday, every time i think about it, i note to myself that i need to go out and be out there more, get active with my life again... but as soon as i think that, someone hits me with something to do for them..

i don't mind helping!!! i don't.

i just realise that there isn't much i do for me anymore and i feel depressed by that, i lost my power and feeling of control and i don't like it.

little things i do for me makes me feel good, simple things makes me feel good... like going out in the morning for coffee by myself makes me feel good, meeting new people on the right terms make me feel good, strolling the shops makes me feel good, watching a movie, reading a book, loosing myself in the beats of music makes me feel good...

haven't done any of that lately.... anything at all, no personal space, no myself, no me... just a service person.

i have not been socially active since..... about mid November of last year, and to me, that is depressing because i feel as though i either completely changed just like that or people are stopping me be who i am, who i like to be.

i feel so uneasy lately, i went to cut my hair yesterday... felt better for the part.

i feel uneasy, to be completely honest, i have been feeling uneasy since ever Shane and i starting hanging out, not to dis him... but i think he's jagging my style.

the dude drives me crazy!! he is a giant kid, and if you have to deal with kids.. you would know what i mean.

conversation wise will only work if it is in his interest, sooks when he doesn't get his way, gets mad and be all shitty about it and you don't know what's going on to how to deal with it, when he has an interest.. it will go on for ever until he is bored with it and be shitty about it if you don't like it, always asking useless and repetitive questions, thinks certain things or way he talks is acceptable in inappropriate situations, is all talk in the background of a situation but when spotlight is shinning on him he backs away like a pussy, will leave you out if he finds someone else better, reads my computer screen uninvited, and talks to my friends on my msn/network sites uninvited, .... and the list goes on.

oh, did i mention that he is everywhere?

like, EVERYWHERE!!!

i seriously don't remember how we got to start hanging out and i don't know why and it doesn't even matter how hard i try, i keep this in mind that it's time to rhyme and only in true time that .... eh ran out of rhymes hahaha...

anyways, he is everywhere, talking and being close to my friends... also being all shitty about it like he knows my friends better than i do and being my little information center about my friends and then say " oh you didn't know about that? gee what kind of friend are you, talk to your friends more man", just because i don't say hi enough, doesn't mean i don't care!!

... your sarcasm doesn't work so well mate, you just don't know boundaries.

not to dis him, but he drives me fucking insane.

other than Shane being all up in my business....

Chinese,Vietnamese, Lunar New Years is walking our way!!! also Valentine's day...

i love the Lunar New Years... the food, the commotions, the little red pocket money, the decorations, the food, the little red pocket money, new clothes, the food, the little red pocket money!!! OH!! did i mention the food, the little red pocket money?

i use to love it so much when i would spend the new year in Vietnam when i was younger, it is so much more festive there, compared to here it's like have the non-asian? new year for a month.

A WHOLE MONTH OF FESTIVE-NESS!! and smiles and gambling and food... and firecrackers .. and lion-dancing... and flowers.. and red-ness? and watermelons and other candies.....

i was trying to go to Vietnam is year for the new year but it was all booked out.

my family tries to keep it as traditional as possible, my house is the main spot for the family, so everyone comes over, greets, pray and welcome the new year, party, chill out and harmless gambling....which sometimes lasts all night.

Valentine's Day, i don't like that day... it makes couples's individual stress out on what to do for their other, and the singles depress because they are indeed single.....

and love just costs on that day.. like.. LOVE automatically has to cost something on that day.

love is everyday, and if you are with someone then everyday should be a special feeling day being with them... if it's not then there is something you guys should talk about...

i think for the couples, your own relationship/wedding anniversary is enough..

..just my opinion, don't hate.

i keep having reality dreams lately and it really weird me out most of the time, i use to dream of rainbows, bunnies and butterflies.... just kidding..

but no, seriously my dreams use to be surreal... but now it seems to focus more of my reality than my insane-ness that i use to dream about...

it relates from my everyday to the people in my life at the currents..

and not the rainbows, bunnies and butterflies.

for example, i use to dream of.... a monster chasing me down the street then turning into a dog as i fall of a cliff that fades into a spiral and i somehow land on a field and a huge ghost or a transparent figure looking straight at me and mind power me or something...

and now i dream of... me going to the post office and bumping into a friend there and we have a tiny convo before i wake...

like, WTF.

did my imagination just dumbed down or something? out of ideas brain?

speaking of which.. i should head to sleepo...

again, a busy day tomorrow of which nothing benefits me.

i have a feeling...

..of some sort...

i don't know how to express it on here, or right now,

its something, and it is bothering me.

argh?

hm....

but i got a feeling that i dont like.