life,
day by day has been very busy, but when i think about it, i don't think i get much out of a day as much as the amount of effort i put in it...
people take too much advantage of my freedom?
i run around here, i run around there....for them.
in a day, say... 8 of 10 things are done for not me.
anyway.
otherwise.. my life.... "my life".. has been quite quiet, not much of anything happening for me, everyday, every time i think about it, i note to myself that i need to go out and be out there more, get active with my life again... but as soon as i think that, someone hits me with something to do for them..
i don't mind helping!!! i don't.
i just realise that there isn't much i do for me anymore and i feel depressed by that, i lost my power and feeling of control and i don't like it.
little things i do for me makes me feel good, simple things makes me feel good... like going out in the morning for coffee by myself makes me feel good, meeting new people on the right terms make me feel good, strolling the shops makes me feel good, watching a movie, reading a book, loosing myself in the beats of music makes me feel good...
haven't done any of that lately.... anything at all, no personal space, no myself, no me... just a service person.
i have not been socially active since..... about mid November of last year, and to me, that is depressing because i feel as though i either completely changed just like that or people are stopping me be who i am, who i like to be.
i feel so uneasy lately, i went to cut my hair yesterday... felt better for the part.
i feel uneasy, to be completely honest, i have been feeling uneasy since ever Shane and i starting hanging out, not to dis him... but i think he's jagging my style.
the dude drives me crazy!! he is a giant kid, and if you have to deal with kids.. you would know what i mean.
conversation wise will only work if it is in his interest, sooks when he doesn't get his way, gets mad and be all shitty about it and you don't know what's going on to how to deal with it, when he has an interest.. it will go on for ever until he is bored with it and be shitty about it if you don't like it, always asking useless and repetitive questions, thinks certain things or way he talks is acceptable in inappropriate situations, is all talk in the background of a situation but when spotlight is shinning on him he backs away like a pussy, will leave you out if he finds someone else better, reads my computer screen uninvited, and talks to my friends on my msn/network sites uninvited, .... and the list goes on.
oh, did i mention that he is everywhere?
like, EVERYWHERE!!!
i seriously don't remember how we got to start hanging out and i don't know why and it doesn't even matter how hard i try, i keep this in mind that it's time to rhyme and only in true time that .... eh ran out of rhymes hahaha...
anyways, he is everywhere, talking and being close to my friends... also being all shitty about it like he knows my friends better than i do and being my little information center about my friends and then say " oh you didn't know about that? gee what kind of friend are you, talk to your friends more man", just because i don't say hi enough, doesn't mean i don't care!!
... your sarcasm doesn't work so well mate, you just don't know boundaries.
not to dis him, but he drives me fucking insane.
other than Shane being all up in my business....
Chinese,Vietnamese, Lunar New Years is walking our way!!! also Valentine's day...
i love the Lunar New Years... the food, the commotions, the little red pocket money, the decorations, the food, the little red pocket money, new clothes, the food, the little red pocket money!!! OH!! did i mention the food, the little red pocket money?
i use to love it so much when i would spend the new year in Vietnam when i was younger, it is so much more festive there, compared to here it's like have the non-asian? new year for a month.
A WHOLE MONTH OF FESTIVE-NESS!! and smiles and gambling and food... and firecrackers .. and lion-dancing... and flowers.. and red-ness? and watermelons and other candies.....
i was trying to go to Vietnam is year for the new year but it was all booked out.
my family tries to keep it as traditional as possible, my house is the main spot for the family, so everyone comes over, greets, pray and welcome the new year, party, chill out and harmless gambling....which sometimes lasts all night.
Valentine's Day, i don't like that day... it makes couples's individual stress out on what to do for their other, and the singles depress because they are indeed single.....
and love just costs on that day.. like.. LOVE automatically has to cost something on that day.
love is everyday, and if you are with someone then everyday should be a special feeling day being with them... if it's not then there is something you guys should talk about...
i think for the couples, your own relationship/wedding anniversary is enough..
..just my opinion, don't hate.
i keep having reality dreams lately and it really weird me out most of the time, i use to dream of rainbows, bunnies and butterflies.... just kidding..
but no, seriously my dreams use to be surreal... but now it seems to focus more of my reality than my insane-ness that i use to dream about...
it relates from my everyday to the people in my life at the currents..
and not the rainbows, bunnies and butterflies.
for example, i use to dream of.... a monster chasing me down the street then turning into a dog as i fall of a cliff that fades into a spiral and i somehow land on a field and a huge ghost or a transparent figure looking straight at me and mind power me or something...
and now i dream of... me going to the post office and bumping into a friend there and we have a tiny convo before i wake...
like, WTF.
did my imagination just dumbed down or something? out of ideas brain?
speaking of which.. i should head to sleepo...
again, a busy day tomorrow of which nothing benefits me.
