i

i don't know how to deal.

i feel lost , i feel rage.

i thought about it, and i don't think anyone reads this anymore...

but i don't care... ok i lied, i do.. just a little bit though, my place to rage.

to explode.

i don't feel like i can freely talk to anyone lately, though i wouldn't know what to say when i get a chance... maybe after 3/4 way to pass out.

i haven't had a drink in a while and i think it's safer that way... too many medications and i have been way too depressed and that I'm afraid i might drown myself in alcohol or just turn to it whenever something happens.

depression... i have been way too low, i try to seek for comfort but i'm too chicken to ask for it so i just sit back and be quiet...

.pathetic.

Please. Someone just fucking kill me already. PLEASE!!!

oh hi there

I'm sitting here all by myself and i think I'm going a tad insane.

at times i feel like being by myself but i don't think i ever mean it.

only to take a quick breath but thats about it.

last night i couldn't sleep, i had 4 sleeping pills and i still could not sleep...

my mind just does not want to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

it never wants to shut the fuck up.

sickness is still in the win. mother fuck!

i went to work feeling all doped up and so so low, my body is exhausted but my mind is like a fucking .. i don't know.. something that doesn't stop.

it just does not stop.

i miss people yet i don't....

i hate people yet i love them.

i don't know what to do... i can't make up my mind for anything anymore, even deciding what to eat is becoming harder and harder.. so i end up not eating anything at all.

i went to see a therapist and she said this could be a start of schizophrenia, but i don't understand... like bipolar and intense insomnia isn't enough?

so, is everything just all in my head? is my thinking making me sick? is that why doctors can not for sure say what is wrong with me?

am i just ... mentally insane?

but then again., where are you when i need you?

i need you now.

i need someone here with me, it is so hard to admit but i need someone with me.

oh hello there!

it's been a while, again.

whats been the happening? work... drama and a new phone.

um, i get tingly feelings inside ....

i feel happy, i feel sad...

i have someone i am interested in... but complications block my way.

i miss the pass one, but it'll never work out. again.

i am as horny if not hornier than i have ever been.

i can't wait to move out of here.

i heart you.

my new phone is a motorola Dext. new phone number.

i am sleepy and my head hurts.

i feel very bored

yes, i'm crying.

i feel hate towards myself.

mixed feelings.