Is there a time or stage in your life where u just suddenly drop everything your doing and sit there and ask yourself " What Happened? why is it like this." and you sit there for hours.. days even thinking about it and have no answer but come up with more questions?
How has ur life changed you.... or how did you change your life.
is it good? or bad. are u free? or stuck.
when u make decisions u always have a responsibility and consequence on your hands.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
is it possible to watch yourself die? ( im not talking about a mirror.. think outside the circle man..)
I find it very hard to trust myself these days.i dont know what i did to myself to be this way but its here... but on the other hand.. my life has lifted a little bit, which is a good thing, i think that this school holiday is helping me... relax abit, and have some me time.um.
update with my drug addiction... i am on the level of quiting lately.. trying really hard.. but still tempted.. alot.. been smoking..... *ahem*... im addicted to alot of things..... alcohol.... drugs... smoking... etc etc.
um... im screwed arnt i......
I find it very hard to trust myself these days.i dont know what i did to myself to be this way but its here... but on the other hand.. my life has lifted a little bit, which is a good thing, i think that this school holiday is helping me... relax abit, and have some me time.um.
update with my drug addiction... i am on the level of quiting lately.. trying really hard.. but still tempted.. alot.. been smoking..... *ahem*... im addicted to alot of things..... alcohol.... drugs... smoking... etc etc.
um... im screwed arnt i......
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
expressing myself.
you know what drives me crazy the most right now?
my family. know why? because.
because they think they could do EVERYTHING they want. its like their invinsible. it makes me sick..... and today the most thing that drives me crazy is my bro.he felt sick today... so i help him out u know... get himsomething to eat...and such.... and have u noticed that every guy.. when they are sick.. the whole friggen world has to know? MY GOD!!!! fa out ... its like.... he friggen lay around the house repeatedly saying " oh.. i dont feel too good.. i think im gonna vomit... wow im spinning out" then he goes hey do this for me do that for me.... its like FUCK OFF MAN!! let me be. and the other thing is.... when they ie family gets pissed off.. they do all these shits like kick the door.. etc.. and no one says anything.. and when i do say something its like.... "what... so what... i can do whatever i want" blah blah blah... then when i do it.. its like their out to get me... its like i just killed someone and running from the police!!! bloody hell give me a fucken break!!! *sigh* far out i cant do anything in this family..... and yet at the same time i do everything!!!*sigh* omg do u know how that feels? my fam thinks i dont do anything... all they think i do is... use the net to chat.. watch tv , eat and sleep all day. but far out i do alot more than that.. more like everything.... wash dishes.... provide and cook food. clean the house. PAY FUCKEN BILLS!!!! plan financally..... FUCK i do alot. and its all major as well.
FUCk i cant even sleep in...... and u know what the sick thing is.... i find this disturbingly dispecable (i dunno how to spell it lol sorry) this is the one thing one how they think i will wake up by..... " hey wake it its 9:30 ...i got food if u wake up" FUCKEN HELL just coz im fat doesnt mean i want food!!! and another thing is when they say the time... lets say its 10:o0 right now... well they say its 1:00.... doesnt that piss you off???? it pisses me off. everything pisses me off..
WELL now thats out of my system ^_^.......
im allllllll mostly good now lol... thanks for reading lol....
laterz... ~[Pd]~
STAY KOOL \m/d[>.<]b\m/™©
my family. know why? because.
because they think they could do EVERYTHING they want. its like their invinsible. it makes me sick..... and today the most thing that drives me crazy is my bro.he felt sick today... so i help him out u know... get himsomething to eat...and such.... and have u noticed that every guy.. when they are sick.. the whole friggen world has to know? MY GOD!!!! fa out ... its like.... he friggen lay around the house repeatedly saying " oh.. i dont feel too good.. i think im gonna vomit... wow im spinning out" then he goes hey do this for me do that for me.... its like FUCK OFF MAN!! let me be. and the other thing is.... when they ie family gets pissed off.. they do all these shits like kick the door.. etc.. and no one says anything.. and when i do say something its like.... "what... so what... i can do whatever i want" blah blah blah... then when i do it.. its like their out to get me... its like i just killed someone and running from the police!!! bloody hell give me a fucken break!!! *sigh* far out i cant do anything in this family..... and yet at the same time i do everything!!!*sigh* omg do u know how that feels? my fam thinks i dont do anything... all they think i do is... use the net to chat.. watch tv , eat and sleep all day. but far out i do alot more than that.. more like everything.... wash dishes.... provide and cook food. clean the house. PAY FUCKEN BILLS!!!! plan financally..... FUCK i do alot. and its all major as well.
FUCk i cant even sleep in...... and u know what the sick thing is.... i find this disturbingly dispecable (i dunno how to spell it lol sorry) this is the one thing one how they think i will wake up by..... " hey wake it its 9:30 ...i got food if u wake up" FUCKEN HELL just coz im fat doesnt mean i want food!!! and another thing is when they say the time... lets say its 10:o0 right now... well they say its 1:00.... doesnt that piss you off???? it pisses me off. everything pisses me off..
WELL now thats out of my system ^_^.......
im allllllll mostly good now lol... thanks for reading lol....
laterz... ~[Pd]~
STAY KOOL \m/d[>.<]b\m/™©
Sunday, September 25, 2005
To my sweetest Kristine.
You, my girl, are the greatest in the world. I don’t know how life is going to be now that your gone, I wish that death hasn’t caught up to you yet and I’m hating myself for not being there more for you than I have, I know u needed me but I wasn’t thinking that it would be this bad. I’m so sorry. I am so sorry that I’m such a bad person and not being there for you.. u have always been there for me through everything, all I can do now is cry even that cant do anything, yet I’m still doing it. I hope where ever you are girl.. please be careful and safe and most of all enjoy yourself. I prayer for you. If only I could hold on to you right now things would be so great. But I can’t because your gone. You are so beautiful. I miss you so much. And it hurts so badly.
I remember the last conversation we had a few hours before you left. It feels like I lost a part of me I thought we would be there till the end, but the end ended too fast, I don’t know what to do. I always thought that I was the one that protects you from everything absolutely everything but I am wrong and I realized that u were the one that protected me. I remember when u use to be mine way back in the days… but I was too young to love u right. So we let go of that and be friends, close friends we became over the years I guess I don’t need to tell u that ^_^ life was so great with u around.. now? It just hurts so much. Why is life so crazy…. Well or is it just me… I don’t know but with ever it is I don’t like it. I feel so empty so shaky all the time and so many sleepless nights. I failed all my exams. All of them. I try to smile but only for a while it stays. I’m not blaming you I’m just saying how much this has impact me. I cherish you girl, and all the times we had together. I think I’m just blabbing not but.. but all I want to say is that I love you sweety and I will always remember you and remember all the things u have told me. So where ever u are girl…. R.I.P. I prayer for you.
Lots of love… from me Nhi Tran.
On other notice….
Things are pretty much crazy. Failed all my exams, I care but at the same time I don’t care. I keep seeing Duyen for some reason seriously I don’t know if it a sign or just coz it happens… and I had a sudden eye contact from Sara I didn’t know if she smiled or doing this = to me. So I dunno… im trying not to think too much at the mean time.
Oh yea.. and the guy that I met.. I gave up on him.. also the girl.. I don’t feel like getting with anyone at the moment. I just want to sit here and not think. But lately.. I have been thinking.. is yr7 and yr11 a big difference? Is it wrong? A yr 7 and yr11 getting together… well answer me on that…
Hm… whoa this whole thing took me 3 hours so far to write lol…
I recently contacted my g’sis (aka godsis) over in Belgium and u know what I found out..? she and Nancy knows each other…( ok recap nancy is a girl I met in Belgium and dated ( not serious though) for a long period of time. And I may have mentioned her somewhere in one of my blog article), it kinda took me by surprise lol… of course, and Nancy told my g’sis everything that happened.. and now im not so proud of it -_-“. Um… oh yeah hey calls a shout out to the roxy crew and jay’s crew and also mine lol.. and also the dancers!!!!!!
School SUCKS but then,…… actually yea it sucks. Fail all exams. Even tough lol.. I did fail for math… my teacher wants me to move up ROFL… funny guy!!!.. man I so want to leave school but I cant because the pressure of parents, the only reason they want it is coz they want to show of to their friends “ oh my kids are great they are so smart they in uni “ blah blah blah….. well I cant say that about all parents… coz some just wants them to have a good future.
Um. Gee this is long…. Well forgive me coz I haven’t updated for awhile.
OH YEAH !!!! AHAHAHAHAH SYDNEY SWANS WON THE FIGGEN AFL GRAND FINALS !! and I also made $500 from it lol… coz I won the bet ROFL… lol… now isn’t that KooL or what?!! WOOOOOOOOWHOOOO lol… SWANIES!!!!
*ahem*
well I guess that’s it. Now that took 3 hours and 20 mins to write up lol…
so long guys…
peace out wherever you are
~[Pd]~
You, my girl, are the greatest in the world. I don’t know how life is going to be now that your gone, I wish that death hasn’t caught up to you yet and I’m hating myself for not being there more for you than I have, I know u needed me but I wasn’t thinking that it would be this bad. I’m so sorry. I am so sorry that I’m such a bad person and not being there for you.. u have always been there for me through everything, all I can do now is cry even that cant do anything, yet I’m still doing it. I hope where ever you are girl.. please be careful and safe and most of all enjoy yourself. I prayer for you. If only I could hold on to you right now things would be so great. But I can’t because your gone. You are so beautiful. I miss you so much. And it hurts so badly.
I remember the last conversation we had a few hours before you left. It feels like I lost a part of me I thought we would be there till the end, but the end ended too fast, I don’t know what to do. I always thought that I was the one that protects you from everything absolutely everything but I am wrong and I realized that u were the one that protected me. I remember when u use to be mine way back in the days… but I was too young to love u right. So we let go of that and be friends, close friends we became over the years I guess I don’t need to tell u that ^_^ life was so great with u around.. now? It just hurts so much. Why is life so crazy…. Well or is it just me… I don’t know but with ever it is I don’t like it. I feel so empty so shaky all the time and so many sleepless nights. I failed all my exams. All of them. I try to smile but only for a while it stays. I’m not blaming you I’m just saying how much this has impact me. I cherish you girl, and all the times we had together. I think I’m just blabbing not but.. but all I want to say is that I love you sweety and I will always remember you and remember all the things u have told me. So where ever u are girl…. R.I.P. I prayer for you.
Lots of love… from me Nhi Tran.
On other notice….
Things are pretty much crazy. Failed all my exams, I care but at the same time I don’t care. I keep seeing Duyen for some reason seriously I don’t know if it a sign or just coz it happens… and I had a sudden eye contact from Sara I didn’t know if she smiled or doing this = to me. So I dunno… im trying not to think too much at the mean time.
Oh yea.. and the guy that I met.. I gave up on him.. also the girl.. I don’t feel like getting with anyone at the moment. I just want to sit here and not think. But lately.. I have been thinking.. is yr7 and yr11 a big difference? Is it wrong? A yr 7 and yr11 getting together… well answer me on that…
Hm… whoa this whole thing took me 3 hours so far to write lol…
I recently contacted my g’sis (aka godsis) over in Belgium and u know what I found out..? she and Nancy knows each other…( ok recap nancy is a girl I met in Belgium and dated ( not serious though) for a long period of time. And I may have mentioned her somewhere in one of my blog article), it kinda took me by surprise lol… of course, and Nancy told my g’sis everything that happened.. and now im not so proud of it -_-“. Um… oh yeah hey calls a shout out to the roxy crew and jay’s crew and also mine lol.. and also the dancers!!!!!!
School SUCKS but then,…… actually yea it sucks. Fail all exams. Even tough lol.. I did fail for math… my teacher wants me to move up ROFL… funny guy!!!.. man I so want to leave school but I cant because the pressure of parents, the only reason they want it is coz they want to show of to their friends “ oh my kids are great they are so smart they in uni “ blah blah blah….. well I cant say that about all parents… coz some just wants them to have a good future.
Um. Gee this is long…. Well forgive me coz I haven’t updated for awhile.
OH YEAH !!!! AHAHAHAHAH SYDNEY SWANS WON THE FIGGEN AFL GRAND FINALS !! and I also made $500 from it lol… coz I won the bet ROFL… lol… now isn’t that KooL or what?!! WOOOOOOOOWHOOOO lol… SWANIES!!!!
*ahem*
well I guess that’s it. Now that took 3 hours and 20 mins to write up lol…
so long guys…
peace out wherever you are
~[Pd]~
Friday, September 16, 2005
erm..... excited? or maybe not...... -_-"
well the thing is... at moonfestival.. recently... i met a really nice girl.. and shes on my mind for awhile.. and cought up with some of old friends and exs'... and like.. yesterday? i went to the city i was sitting a seat separate this girl.. she seems cute... and she was in skool uniform.. so i dont knoe what year she was in.. and shes probably from a christain skool.... and i coulnt stop looking at her? for like one hour straight? lol.. ( well the time from canley to city) then.. on the way home... i saw this really cute ( almost perfect to me ) guy!!! omg.. i was looking at him so dreamingly lol... then i just had to move coz i started noticing things about him (which made me like him more?) but when i moved to another seat.. i could still see him.. hehehe.. wasnt meant to.. but then.. this was like another way for me to stare? at him more without him noticing lol.. then.. i was wondering with stop shes gonan get off... hehe... he went off when i got off.. hehe i was kinda shocked... then i went to a friends house.. to get my bike to ride home.. well on my way home i would have to need to ride pass his house?( yea.. i saw him turn so i was assuming) then i ride pass him.. and he said hi!!! ^_^... we talked for awhile... then it got late so i had to go home.. *SCREAM* , SO THEN... she asked if i wanted to come over today after my exam.. OMG i so wanted to but then i cant.. it was too early to be going into his house.. lol.. (i have my limits lol- sometimes i hate it but its the safe way to go) so then.. when i got home.. i went for a nap.. i was hoping for a long long one coz i was (am) really tired... yea.. i napped for like 5-10 mins.. then bro came running in and asked if i wanted to go watch Charlie and the chocolate fractory.. so i did....... so.. of to the station once again hehe.... THEN I SAW HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!! we talked longer this time... got his number!!! hehehe *woohoo* lol... he called me just then.. hehehe he so cute & sweet... ANYWHO...
*ahem*
the girl i met at moonfest..... her name is.. susan cheng ...SHE is also cute & sweet.... had a nice time with her on the night...
OMFG the guy i met... drives a black lil toyota echo.... and guess who else does!!! DUYEN...... friggen... i was like *WHAT>??!!* do u think thats a sign? coz i saw her the morning of the day i met him...
hm.... i should stop thinking of superstitiously... Well i did say to myself i would love to see her again.. so i did. so why am i complaining..... hm.... i dunno.. coz thats me? lol..
well anyways.... cya
~[Pd]~
well the thing is... at moonfestival.. recently... i met a really nice girl.. and shes on my mind for awhile.. and cought up with some of old friends and exs'... and like.. yesterday? i went to the city i was sitting a seat separate this girl.. she seems cute... and she was in skool uniform.. so i dont knoe what year she was in.. and shes probably from a christain skool.... and i coulnt stop looking at her? for like one hour straight? lol.. ( well the time from canley to city) then.. on the way home... i saw this really cute ( almost perfect to me ) guy!!! omg.. i was looking at him so dreamingly lol... then i just had to move coz i started noticing things about him (which made me like him more?) but when i moved to another seat.. i could still see him.. hehehe.. wasnt meant to.. but then.. this was like another way for me to stare? at him more without him noticing lol.. then.. i was wondering with stop shes gonan get off... hehe... he went off when i got off.. hehe i was kinda shocked... then i went to a friends house.. to get my bike to ride home.. well on my way home i would have to need to ride pass his house?( yea.. i saw him turn so i was assuming) then i ride pass him.. and he said hi!!! ^_^... we talked for awhile... then it got late so i had to go home.. *SCREAM* , SO THEN... she asked if i wanted to come over today after my exam.. OMG i so wanted to but then i cant.. it was too early to be going into his house.. lol.. (i have my limits lol- sometimes i hate it but its the safe way to go) so then.. when i got home.. i went for a nap.. i was hoping for a long long one coz i was (am) really tired... yea.. i napped for like 5-10 mins.. then bro came running in and asked if i wanted to go watch Charlie and the chocolate fractory.. so i did....... so.. of to the station once again hehe.... THEN I SAW HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!! we talked longer this time... got his number!!! hehehe *woohoo* lol... he called me just then.. hehehe he so cute & sweet... ANYWHO...
*ahem*
the girl i met at moonfest..... her name is.. susan cheng ...SHE is also cute & sweet.... had a nice time with her on the night...
OMFG the guy i met... drives a black lil toyota echo.... and guess who else does!!! DUYEN...... friggen... i was like *WHAT>??!!* do u think thats a sign? coz i saw her the morning of the day i met him...
hm.... i should stop thinking of superstitiously... Well i did say to myself i would love to see her again.. so i did. so why am i complaining..... hm.... i dunno.. coz thats me? lol..
well anyways.... cya
~[Pd]~
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