um...hey hey?

hey peoplessssssssssssss how are u all been?

i am ... ok i guess.. alot of things have been happening lately.. hectic...
umz.. wells... first of all... THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!!!! WOOHOO!!then.. planning on working... then hang out with friends.. to catch up and all that.. umz... try to study for the trials and prepare or the HSC....

THEN!! find a day where i can hang out with NICKY !!! YAY... get to finally meet her... and i really hope it goes well... because so far, i really like her... ^_^
ok.. abit about her... she is Nicky, age 23, works in a youth thingy centre also goes to take for social science, 3 nationality combined new zealand/italian/spanish and she absolutly love viet culture.. lol... ok thats all.

um.. so that my holiday plan so far... hows ur plan gonna be..? lol.. u can post back if u want... ^_^.. open convo........


my mood right now is... pretty exciting but still pretty um.. dull....
still frustrated and anger problems but yea...

well peace ya'll

-[Pd]-

If you tell me that isnt hot.. i will kick u in the head^_^

studio

i'd just thought i'd post up a pic of the studio i've been working in.. lol... seeming though i like it so much and its a beautiful, wonderful , interesting place... oh.. and that guy is my work mate Matt.....


-[Pd]-

the church of satan

i believe that i am Satanist. and to those who dont know or keep asking me about it.. this is what it is..



this this the symbol"You cannot love everyone; it is ridiculous to think you can. If you love everyone and everything you lose your natural powers of selection and wind up being a pretty poor judge of character and quality. If anything is used too freely it loses its true meaning. Therefore, the Satanist believes you should love strongly and completely those who deserve your love, but never turn the other cheek to your enemy!"
- Anton LaVey (founder and creater of the church of satan, 30 april 1966 (I Anno Satanas))(Religious Satanists existed in the 1950's) LaVey wrote the Satanic Bible in 1969.


The beliefs, practices and rituals of the Church of Satan have few, if any, points of similarity with the Christian or Muslim concept of Satan. The CoS' Satan is pre-Christian, and derived from the Pagan image of power, virility, sexuality and sensuality. Satan is viewed as a force of nature, not a living quasi-deity. Their Satan has nothing to do with Hell, demons, pitchforks, sadistic torture, demonic possession, and profound evil. There are references in LaVey' writings to having conducted a few Black Masses for publicity purposes, in which the Roman Catholic Mass was ridiculed. But, it is unknown whether these references were satirical or reflected actual rituals. Assuming that the black masses were fictional, all of their rituals have no connection to those of Christianity or of any other religion.
Some of their beliefs and practices are:

• They do not worship a living deity.
• Major emphasis is placed on the power and authority of the individual Satanist, rather than on a god or goddess.
• They believe that "no redeemer liveth" - that each person is their own redeemer, fully responsible for the direction of their own life.
• "Satanism respects and exalts life. Children and animals are the purest expressions of that life force, and as such are held sacred and precious..."

Its beliefs and practices:

The nine Satanic statements: These form the core of the Church of Satan beliefs. They were written by Anton LaVey. In abridged form, they state that Satan represents:

• Indulgence, not abstinence.
• Vital existence, not spiritual pipe dreams.
• Undefiled wisdom, not hypocritical self-deceit.
• Kindness to those deserving of it, not love wasted on ingrates.
• Vengeance, not turning the other cheek.
• Responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for psychic vampires.
• Man as just another animal - the most vicious of all.
• Gratification of all ones desires.
• The best friend that the Christian Church has had as he has kept it in business for centuries.

The nine Satanic sins are:
Stupidity, pretentiousness, solipsism, self-deceit, herd conformity, lack of perspective, forgetfulness of past orthodoxies, counterproductive pride, and lack of aesthetics.

The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth are:
These are 11 rules of behavior written by Anton LaVey in 1967. 16 They include rules governing conversations, behavior towards guests, avoiding theft, acknowledging the power of magic, avoiding harm to children, refraining from killing animals, and behavior towards others.

Seasonal days of celebration:
The most important of all Satanic holidays is the birthday of the individual Satanist. Of lesser importance are:

• Walpurgisnacht (evening of April 30) and Halloween (evening of October 31)
• Solstices in June and December,
• Equinoxes in March and September.

Rituals and ceremonies contain the following concepts:
Names used include Satan, Lucifer, Belial and Leviathan.
Ceremonies are pageants, which are used to celebrate a person or element of faith.
Magic rituals consist of three types:

1. Lust ritual: sex magic which includes masturbation,
2. Compassion ritual to achieve healing or happiness, and
3. Destruction ritual (may include sticking pins in a doll; drawing a picture or writing a description of the victim's death; delivering a soliloquy, etc.). Destruction rituals are best performed by a group. If a person targeted by a destruction ritual is not deserving of it, the ritual will not harm them.

Satanic ritual tools: A simple Satanic ritual can be performed with a single candle and a Baphomet. However, more elaborate rituals may include the following:

• 
  A bell which is rung nine times at the beginning and end of the ritual; the Satanic priest rotates counter-clockwise as he rings the bell
• A chalice, ideally made of silver; it may not be formed of gold because that is a metal that Satanists associate with Christianity and Neopagan religions. In fact, Wiccans and other Neopagans use chalices made of various metals, including silver, and other materials.
• Other ritual tools include a gong, sword, elixir (usually wine), phallus, and parchment. They and the chalice and bell are placed on a small table near the altar.

Rules of behavior:

• Prayer is useless; it distracts people from useful activity.
• Ritual killing (of humans or animals) violates Satanic principles. Blood drawn from a victim is useless. Victims are killed symbolically, not actually.
• Members enjoy indulgence instead of abstinence. They practice with joy all the seven deadly Christian sins (greed, pride, envy, anger, gluttony, lust and sloth)
• If a man smites you on one cheek, smash him on the other.
• Do unto others as they do onto you. This is the CoS' version of an Ethic of Reciprocity.
• Engage in sexual activity freely, in accordance with your needs (which may be best realized either through monogamy, or by having sex with many others; through heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality; using sexual fetishes as you wish; by yourself or with one or more consenting adults). The ideal is a monogamous relationship based on compatibility and commitment.
• Suicide is actively discouraged.
• The Satanist needs no elaborate, detailed list of rules of behavior.
• Membership in the CoS is limited to adults of legal age, unless a teenager obtains the written permission and attendance of their parent or legal guardian.

so there you go... i hope u understood all that.

-[Pd]-

today i noticed that this girl in yr 11, name... anna? has the nicest hands i've seen!! lol.. it was like... soft.. long fingers.. and all that.. lol i just wanted to hold them? LOL.... jokes..... well i do.. but that kinda creepy.. but they are nice. shes a sweet girl too.

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umz.. it was E-day at school today... and this year was definatly the best E-day i've experienced... better than other past years..
and the concert was.... hot and exciting.. most of the time...

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i still have something distracting me..... (lol sorry lilly.. its not you... lol *spank*)
i dont know what it is?!! grr..


-[Pd]-

hm..

hm.... today was a pretty confussing and intensed day..




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umz... i was thinking the other day... about .. well.. pretty much about everything and i had the strangest image in my head about a dead girl...i didnt know what it meant but it was pretty outrageous.. with i find interesting..

i dont know but .. to me.. right now my mind seems very outrageous.. like.. i could grow up to be a serial killer or something.. i just so many imageous and ideas, its not funny!!....

im distracted....



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umz.. recently been thinking of duyen again for some reason.. ever since thao brought her up i couldnt stop thinking of her.. but i cant blame her for that.. i'v always thought about her and thao just 'helped' me realise it. -_-"

--------------------------
i just have all these thoughts in my head, about everything and i dont know how to ... idenify?... or sort out what im thinking and the troubles..problems im having with it.. i cant even find the joy within it all.

something is distracting me, but i dont know what it is. i want something.. thats all i know..

im hungry?
i want a drink?
i want a smoke,drugs?
i want a partner? a friend?
i want a new life?
i want sex?
i want to kill?
i want a career? job?.. succeed?
i want to die?

i dont know??!! there is just something.. that something missing.

i simply just dont know.

-[Pd]-

flattering..LOL

i went to a speed dating service thing today with my friends and my results is pretty flattering LOL. so here it is...

Mrs. Right - Her Personality
(about me)

You're flexible, innovative and smart. You've got a robust love of life and a killer instinct. Chances are you hate rules, and don't plan on getting old. You're unusually friendly and have a way of earning people's respect wherever you go.
You're highly unique, as only 3% of women your age have the same personality type. Another 14% have personality types similar to yours.What will women notice about you? It's the extent to which you are that sets you apart from other women your age.5% of women are looking for your exact type. Another 38% are looking for someone highly similar to your type.

What do women like about you?
Women like the extent to which you're materialistic. The research indicates that women are most drawn to your desire to live the good life.
Your ideal sexual partner is a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. has a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring much satisfaction -- even if they don't include orgasm. More than most people, knows how to value the pleasures of sexuality and is not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right. Your ideal sex partner's combination of sexual tendencies is shared by approximately 27% of all people who have met you. Another 30% of women have similar sexual traits.
What makes your ideal woman different when it comes to sex?
It's that she focuses more on the physical rush of sex.34% of women are looking for exactly the same kind of woman. Another 37% are looking for a similar type of woman when it comes to sex. As you can see, your ideal sexual partner is in high demand by other women.What do other women find most attractive about your ideal sexual partner?
It's the the extent to which she likes to get creative with sex.
You're a very passionate person who knows how to fully enjoy sex. You have a highly active sex drive and imagination when it comes to trying new sexual moves. And these characteristics set you up for having intense and pleasurable sexual encounters that bring you much satisfaction -- even if the focus isn't on orgasm. More than most people, you know how to value the pleasures of sexuality and are not afraid to pursue those feelings when the timing is right. 34% loves your sex type and 37% likes your sex type.
What do women see as your biggest sexual turn-on?
Women will be most attracted to how important good orgasms are for you during sex.
Overall 60% of women you have met with loves you and your type, 20% likes your type and 20% looking for something similar.

LOL!!!!! that was so funny!! well interesting BUT FUNNY!! lol.... the people i met were lovely people... some? kinda scary... but alwells... its over now... *phew*..

anyways lol.... that thing kinda cheered my up today....

-[Pd]-

connection,bond,link, whatever...

i want to know how u feel and think about connection........ bonding... links and relationships between something or someone.

i want to know. in some cases where u can just have sex with someone and be comfortable naked with them and be uncomfortable dressed and outside the situation overall!! WHAT IS THE DEAL!!

i want to know when and how u feel the connection, bondage, link, relation forming between people or things..

all that including when u judge and chose to open up to someone about urself, the real , deep, true you.

and i also want to know what happens when ur judgement goes wrong, how does it affect you that someone u know and trust , just leave u hanging by the moment and walk out on you.

when is it the best time to feel this connection... bondage...

do u search for this connection or bondage? or do u sit there and wait for it to come to you. or u dont give a damn at all..?

can you give up?
can you give in?
can it be driven away....

i want to know all these things...... but can it be answered and be taught?

-[Pd]-

i feel so pissed off and i dont know the exact point why!!!! different things and people keep ticking me off lately too!! everyone is!! seriously.. i dont mean to be rude and offencive but i cant help it....... and seriously. everyone and everything is pissing me off...

-[Pd]-

i just would like to know.. what is going on. ????

1.there are rumours spreading in school.... why is that?.. what have i done..?
2.alot of strange people approaching me...
the other day, i was in the city and a group of people wanted to take a picture with me and asked for my autograph..... which was strange and weird!!....
i dont mine that as much as the rumours in school!!! OMG!! what the hell... what have i done now..??!! and who is spreading these rumours?

im just trying to live. why are you people trying to make it hard..??!!

-[Pd]-

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when
I close my eyes and I'm with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain every time I hear your name
The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
But that's the way it's gotta be
til I get over you
Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say that time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here
When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it's so hard to let go.

-[Pd]-

they slit our throats
like we were flowers
and our milk has been devoured
when you want it
it goes away too fast
when you hate it
it always seems to last
but just remember when you think you're free
the crack inside your fucking heart is me
thoughts not spoken
i wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day
i wish i could sleep
but i can't lay on my back
because there's a knife
for everyday that i've known you
when you want it
it goes away too fast
when you hate it
it always seems to last
but just remember when you thinkyou're free
the crack inside your fucking heart is me.
lie to me, cry to me, give to me
i would
lie with me, die with me, give to me
i would
keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair
i hope at least we die holding hands for always.

-[Pd]-

I don't care if your world is ending today
Because I wasn't invited to it anyway
You said I tasted famous, so I drew you a heart
But now I'm not an artist I'm a fucking work of art
I got an F and a C and I got a K too
And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like U
You wanted perfect
You got your perfect
Now I'm too perfect for someone like you
I was a dandy in your ghetto with a snow-white smile
But you'll ever be as perfect whatever you do
What's my name, what's my name?
Hold the S because I am an AINT
I am a bonetop, a death's head
On a mopstick
You infected me, took diamonds
I took all your shit
Your sell-by date expired
So you had to be soldI'm a suffer-genius

-[Pd]-

.... how do people i dont know, know me?....

today. two girls. diferent grade, different events/time.. came up to me and told me that they like me... one in yr9 she told me in roll call. and the other one yr8(she scares me) told me at lunch..
yesterday.. my cousin's friend as her if this girl and i were going out in school... and within the last week, alot of people contacted me. now.. i dont know if this is a joke.. but if it is.. please stop it. its freaking me out.!!!. -_-"



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lately... i've just been wanting to scream. just scream. i dont want to say anything to anyone, i just want to scream. been really frustrated and i dont know.. just not out there anymore.. even some of my friends and my english teacher picked up my attitude...

i just dont want to talk to anyone about it.. because i dont know how to talk about it.
i want someone to spend time with and just have fun and relax.. but the one i want to do that with... has thier own problems and pretty busy and i dont think she would have time for me.
there are people there for me but yet i still feel lonely.
i feel separated.


--------------------------

Kristine i miss you , dearly. i wish u have never gone.








-[Pd]-

YES!!

YES!! finally this day has come!!! today is the 06/06/06...... 666. the devil's signature.... !!

i have dreamt of this day for a very long time.... and now it has come.. i am enjoying the day!!
i am damn blood thristy!! but i fix that up.... i am not satisfied... well ot fully.. but partly.

BUT one thing that is... bloody annoying me.. lol.. for most of the day i have been eatting expired food!!!!

but besides that it was a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





-[Pd]-

messed up.

my head is like a really bad mosh pit, so deep that i dont know how to get out, i feel like i'm panicing!!! and i have never paniced like this before.

whats going on in my head..??!!!

everything is such a mess!!

i feel like some of my friends are abandon by me, and are feeling pretty damn shitted up about it. i am truely sorry about everything.

my heart is also messed up.... after i lost my confidence.. im not sure about my feelings anymore.. i dont know my mood swings.. i dont know who i like.. but i still know who i dont like lol...
i dont feel as connected to Thao as she feels for me and or i used to feel for her.. the lack of "me" is upsetting me and hurting Thao.

um...

for the last.... week, i've been feeling rage.. desire for... the passion of pain.. blood, bleeding.. that kind of things..
and i dont know what im gonna go about it... i have some ideas but.. it always upset other people.. -_-" !! grrr.

i lost myself once more.

-[Pd]-

had a big giant release last night..
lost of concerntration...






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i think theres a problem rising in my relationship with thao.
will it last?

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Hana... who ever you are.. thanks for ruining my life.
i hope ur enjoying this.... hana.

and no. i still dont know you.

-----------------------

-[Pd]-

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to
Sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be
I am looking past the shadows
In my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one is you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel alive
And break these calluses off of me
One more time

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me, waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off of your table to the ground
'Cause I just want to be here now
Where I wanna be...