um... why are things so shitty these days? and everyone is feeling it.. basically why are people feeling so... upset.. so... bad.. and such.. and happiness only last for a tiny while..?

um.. i feel like.. i cant be around.. big crowded people right now.. to me it feels so stressing.. i can be alone, by myself and talk or think to myself or i can only handle one person at a time.. i feel more freely like that.

yesterday... i felt pretty good actually.. then as time goes by... it my mood turned out pretty bad and basically wanted to kill myself..

as i was walking today.. to have alil time to myself.. i realised how much i've changed and how bittered i've became.. and it just sucks..
i also realised that my life is so shitty because im a coward to face the world.. and because of that i always choose the most plain and boring and simplest paths to something.. and the outcome of my decissions are.. i get myself complications that frustrates me and i shit myself for why i did choose to be like this...
And i also complicate things more by thinking too much , and sometimes its simple things but i tend to complicate it more, then i stress and become suicidal.

truth be told i feel really depressed and suicidal right now. i dont want to be like this and im tryig really hard to steer away from being so. and this brings me to another point is... just... some people just dont realise or appreciate how lucky they are of being happy!! fucken rich snobby people!!! that get what they want and when they want!! and dont work as hard as us, the unfortunate to just live for another day. some people just dont deserve certain things...
even right now.. i still should be pretty happy that i have what i have right now.. there is always someone that is worse than me.. for example.. war countries.. , africa,,, where they are hungry and sick.. and there are less help. seriously u should really be proud of what u have. like i know for a fact that you are reading this means you HAVE and computer... and to me that seems pretty rich compared to those other people. and also... i am writing this. is i want u to help organisations that is trying to help those unfortunates.. they are also humans just like you and i. u are just emotionaly distressed... they are all emotional , physically and health wised distressed. please help.

um... i dont really know.. what happened just then.. but..yea..

i feel rage... i feel that i failed...

-[Pd]-