why is it... that every single time.. that i feel i have found someone that i actally like and want to be with..... that is not Duyen. i see Duyen? then i just completely.. loose it. i loose my mind.
i went for a walk a few hours ago and just got back.. on my way for the walk.. i saw duyen.. it was a one on one pasing. at that point till now and still continuing,, there are so many emotions and i can feel that i am hating myself and going crazy.
when things have ended.. its over... over means its over. but why do i still keep a part of things inside of me?!
i hate myself for still loving and missing and thinking of her.. but then again for some reason.. i dont.
about 4 hours ago.. i thought i had everything sorted out.. my life... my love life.. my career life.. etc... everything.. but everything changed when i saw her. around 2 hours ago.
i feel completely bad..... non confident... full of emotion as well as full of nothing.
is this a sign that im not ready to move on? or am i refusing to move on...
or is this a symbolic thing that reminds me of all the horrible things i have done and hurting is my punishment?
i dont know whats going on anymore.. i forget who i am and what my aim in life..
i even who my friends are at times, and what or how much they mean to me. or most of the time i cant find a friend ... not even to talk to... everyone says they are there for me.. but i really dont see it. and by that i do get annoyed. its just.. u think that making a promise helps.. WELL it doesnt if u dont keep it!! and when i do need someone.. and no one is avaliable .. and i do understand sometimes they are actually busy.. but i do feel betrayed. i do feel betrayed most of the time.
i dont want to hold back on how pissed off i feel about people anymore.. i am not nice anymore. i am furious. everything single thing is just a pain in the ass!! i tired to cope.. i tried not to be furious... but i cant cope anymore.
i cant get what i want. and shit happens.
i dont know where im going....
-[Pd]-
