hm............................................


been having a shit day....

bitchy comments and rumours has been spreading and such.... and im tired of it...
its affecting both my personal and professional life...

if you have something to say to me... THEN FUCKING SAY IT TO ME!!!....
i wont hit you.... not unless i need to.

---------------------------------------------------------
well ok then....

did i post sunday?.. probably not.... um...
sunday... it was screaming hot... tired to sleep... but couldnt...
lazy sunday...

monday.. hung out with nicky for abit.... then worked...

and today... finished work at about 2pm... then got the shits with stupid bitchy people...

anyways... not worth geting shitty about... they can say what they want... i know im true.. and the people around me loves me... (i hope) and wont leave because of stupid comments....

people just have nothing better to do.... putting others down to make themselves feel better... yea thats right.. i know how it goes.. its been happening to me all my life... thats right.. go ahead and put me down... i will burst through and kick u over on my way up again...

yea.. anyways..... should have a proper post tomorrow.... sorry guys... been strange the last couple of days... major highs and major lows..

-[Pd]-

currently sucking on a POWERADE bottle blue flavour... Nicky bought me earlier on today..


so today was pretty good.. despite a few hick-ups..
my cousins wedding was on today and i just got back home... thought since my mind is racing.. i might as well blog...

i'm in a worried state of my friend right now... something happened .. and i want to check up on her but i dont know how... i hope shes ok.... i'll contact her somehow...

had fun today.. with my good favourite people, Helen and Nicky finally met... ahhhaha... and it worked out very well... i didnt doubt it... but im happy that it turned out well.. gosh i gotta say, Nicky dressed up so amazingly hot today... so sexy.. lol.. and she kept touching me, and i dont know why...? but hey im not complaining...*GRINS*
OH... lol... and i cant help but be really childish when im around Nicky... and what i did was.. i took all the ribbons that wrapped the napkins on the table... and i started tying bows on her... she looked so cute.. like a gift.. then i took some off because i felt abit ridiculously lame about it.. and i tied it to her handbag... lol..she liked that too... but she let me tie more bows on her at the end.. so about 4 was on her bag and 2 on her... and she tied a bow on my phone like a gift box way.. but it fell off so i tied that one to my bag... ahhhahah...
i like it how she can put up with me at times... i dont think she has ever gotten made at me before... or maybe she has that i dont know about it, but i doubt it coz if she has a problem she will bring it to attention...

um, its a shame my other friend Cynthia didnt come... missed out on food and fun.. i feel so distance with her lately... actually for a while now, its just getting worse and worse.. but i have idea how to approach the problem, because she doesnt say or do much... hm...


i am so tired... havent slept for a while.... probably stress form the wedding planning and the day itself... and if my friends were going to show up...
i say that because i feel somewhat relieved now that the wedding is over... and spent the day with my good favourite people!! ^_^.v

love it.. love spending time with them...

did i say i love spending time with them?... because i do...

at the wedding theres usually this lady that comes in and sell flashing lights and stuff... i was walking Nicky to her car and we saw that lady, and she wanted something... well she said it in a joking way but i wanted to get her something but i didnt bring my bag with me so i had no money on me... so walked her to her car, she drove me back to the place.. and she went and i went back inside... i tried to chase the lady.. but she ran out of those "i love you" bears... so i didnt get anything else coz they were all lightsabors... so i messaged her apologising that i couldnt get her the i love you bears... and she replied calling me sweet, cute and romantic... all in one sentance... lol... that made me giddy... lol.. no point really to this story.. just wanted to point out that i get giddy... ahhhaha....

anywhos.. i am so bumed out and in much need of sleep.....

-[Pd]-

um.....

i feel excited about the wedding tomorrow!!!..... lol.. more because I'll be seeing my friends... and yes... friends...

bought my "footwear" today lol.. shoes... they look nice... so nice that Nicky bought the same pair... lol.. but mine is black and hers is white...


um, just found out a moment ago that my ex has broken up with her bf.... and somehow that affected me.... i mean like i feel bad for them.. but u know... its affecting me somehow differently, and im pretty sure i shouldn't feel this way..
i wonder if people are going to start telling me about it.. hm... probably..


let me ask you a question, would you offer to let someone to stand under ur umbrella? you know, like its pouring rain and the person is standing there in the rain... would you offer them to stand under your umbrella?
and would you think its creepy if someone offered you to stand under their umbrella?

um um um...
i feel tired... i should be sleeping...

anywho......

-[Pd]-

i'm craving yum cha...

it's cold today.... and im feeling like im going to be sick... i hope i wont be sick...

um, yesterday i went to centrelink at cabramatta, and i swear i hate that place... the people are such a pain in the butthole.
i walked pep in the evening at the park, and this girl was jogging around.. and after awhile she came over and she complimented pep... like this..
" oh my, you have such a cute lil doggy, i have a dog too... maybe we could walk them together some time"
and i said...
" oh, yea? sure i dont see why not..."
then she said...
" yea?... that would be great... can i have your number?"
and so i gave it... and i went home because it was getting too dark to see...
so yea, im at home being not aware that i just got picked up... i thought she just really wanted to walk our dogs... but she called a couple hours later and asked me out.... thats when i realised.... how dumb and slow was i...
so, is walking my dog a new way for me to pick up?
i think the last thing for me is to pick up more people...



my mind has been thinking too much, i always think too much... its a disadvantage for me but a benefit for others.

stalking, i've noticed theres been this girl following me around nearly everywhere and the people i hang out are starting to notice her as well...
i think she's been following me for a long while now, but i dont get why she does it... because why wont she just come and talk to me.. im sure i'll say something back... then if i become a bitch and ignore her then she can stalk...
is she too shy to talk to me? or is she observing me for some creepy reason...
first of... im friendly.. so come and say hi.... i'll reply to you!!..
secondly.. im not that interesting, so its a massive waste of time just observing a boring person.. trust me, i'll become more interesting when you talk to me...
come on girl...i know you could be reading this, i've seen you and your pretty cute too.. why are you stalking me... do you want something?

LOL, reminds me on how i use to be stalked in high school... a jnr chick kept following me around at lunch and such... and when i sit for lunch she would keep walking pass me... lol. then she decided to follow me home one day... i messed around with her and took the longest way home... and she still followed... so since that day... for a couple of times... she kept walking pass my house for a couple times back and forth... then i finished high school... and she stopped, obviously because she has to be in school and wouldnt know where i would be..but sometimes she would still walk pass my house... she doesnt even live around my area i was told.. i dont know how she feels about it.. but its seems kind of funny to me.. i dont know if she realised i noticed and started playing around... and when ever i was with someone.. she would give me funny looks... jealous maybe? lol.. i dont know..

anyways... going to lunch...

-[Pd]-

is it a weird thing that i keep meeting people with the names James and Natalie?


emotionally tough day today....
if not for me then for someone else.

i keep getting the nervous heart pumping thing, and im not sure if its a medical thing or driven by emotions.

um, yea.... im feeling kind of messed up...

-[Pd]-

um um um,
sorry about yesterdays blog it was alil strange... i know.. but just something i wanted to try out.

um, did i tell you what happened yesterday?... probably didnt say much with that post lol.. the point was to give u something to think about and try to figure it out...

but anywhos,

i went to the airport to pick up my uncle yeaterday... and usually, i always would eat McDonalds at the airport....
so i went and bought mcdonalds... i chatted up this chick that was serving me... and she gave me a heap of free hash browns... such a sweet girl... then my brother arrived and he wanted macus too... so he went to buy some and of course i went back with him, so i could see the chick again... so she saw me and she gave me more hash browns...
that was cute, wanted to ask for her number but didnt...

um so.. i started to walk my dog... fun, but the first three times i attempted, she didnt walk... as soon as i put on the leach, she just lay down... and wont move... until i took it off... i had to drag her for a bit... but i think now she got the point of the leach... shes finally walking... shes so cute, but she wont walk far... just like maybe 50 metres from my house and she would go home...

i just finished (tv) watching 90210.. and i love it... ahhah absolutely loving it... cant get over the giddiness... so sorry, but then again.. im just telling u how i feel, it is my space to talk.... lol.. and i talk, if you havent noticed.. (yea alil sarcasm for yah).

um, oh the wedding is coming up... not mine.... i am half looking forward to it to be honest... why im not looking forward to it is because i have been running around doing most of the work.. and probably still be doing heaps on the day too, and being in a dress or two all day... plus fancy footwear which i still havent bought yet.... and why i am looking forward to it is because my friends will be there!!...
Thank goodness for that, im glad i invited them.. they can keep my sane.
i feel so stressed.. my body is literally twitching.. havent slept or eaten much for the last week...

*sigh*, i feel so confussed with my status......


anywho...gotta cook now....

-[Pd]-

the outside is hot.

how is everyone? is this just another weekend?

it should never be just another weekend.

live your life ... don't just feed and watch a world go by that wouldn't
make sense without you a part of it.


more realistic.


everyone has had this happen : you meet and fall in love.
but that person lives incredibly far away.

impossibly far away. either literally, or in another sense.

the intimate fall.



LOOK at us now.

an entire new world of art-driven photography and music.


Accidents happen to all of us : no matter how careful.so we should carefully

spend time with people in case.

-[Pd]-

new post new post... um.....

boy it was screaming hot today wasnt it??!!
and i had to run around doing shit for other people.. since when did i become the responsible one that takes care of things?

hm.. anyways... been feeling edgy.... as you can tell....

today, cut my brothers and jeremys hair,bought a suit for my brother today... and im glad i came along... seems like im the only one in the family with a good fashion sense, even the sales guy complimented on my taste, bought some shoes for the lil mr jeremy, and a dress for me, though i think the dress is too cute for me to wear but hey its just for a couple of hours... now i need some footwear.

im so worn out.

-[Pd]-

It’s been a few days so I think I should at least update even though I don’t have time to post right now…
I’m writing as I’m working… so forgive me if I don’t provide enough details on certain things…

So… … I um… oh, did I mentioned I met cooper on Thursday?...

I started work really really early on Friday… about 4am to be exact, I’m on a pretty tight schedule so haven’t been able to do much… and in my free time I had some company so no time for the internet either… haven’t even checked my emails or anything!!!

Yea, so while out with cooper on Thursday night, I met a girl that I have been spending my time with… it’s been a few days with her but I’m not so sure if her and I would go on any further then a little fun… I don’t know most to everything about her but so far I’m interested, but I think that she’s a kind of person that the more I know about them the more I lose my interest to her, sounds harsh but its true. No, I’m not calling her boring, I’m saying that, Number one: I find her very clingy if she opens up too much to me and will bombard my life and try to take control of everything I do or want to do. Number two: Because so far we don’t share much in common, but that’s fine, things in common don’t bother me much, because I find that it’s good that you can learn things of and from each other… but her personality is too different to mine, in an extreme way that I can’t find a long term connection, so she’s a weekender swing.

Did a VERY HUGE wedding for a rich family on Saturday… was awesome, I was so surprised that they requested me personally to come and run the wedding, because the bride said she saw me perform at a club and loved me ahhhhahah, else I would have just chuck a mixed tape to them and make one of guys to go.. But HECK it was a HUGE party… I wouldn’t be surprised if it cost them about to more than a million bucks…
The crew and I got paid and treated well. (Oh, well we only got paid like… $20 zero zero zero!! Is that much? *grins*)
Now I kind of wish I’m able to use my money like that… I would be living big right now… (Yup, the cap words are a sign of exaggeration, but it is big...)

Um, gee the weather has been great hey. Just Lovely. Makes me feel excited for summer!!.... But at the same time I’m kind of wishing its still winter so I don’t need to work so much…. When the sun is out, that busy season. Now I don’t think I’ll have much free time anymore. Bummer. BUT MORE WORK MEANS MORE MONEY!!! I so need to replace my savings… it all flushed away on other things, things like important family and friends’ survival type of things… I need to regain my future fund.

I’ve been writing heaps of songs, so sometimes soon, hopefully I would get free time and I will record an acoustic album, ahhhaha no, it will not be released… only for my personal pleasure only… maybe iTunes? Nah, doubt it, but then again who knows, a lot of people have been uploading themselves with crappy things on iTunes…

OH!!! I am absolutely in love with watching the remake of 90210… ahhhaha… people say its like The Oc but I don’t think so. Well maybe the “getting in trouble” bit does… but you can only compare it to the trouble that Marisa Cooper lingers around… and well maybe compare it because it all “rich” kids and family… and the family has a adopted kid.. Which could be “ryan”…?
But that’s it… maybe I’ll see more links the further I watch it…
So far I love it, especially captivated by the girl character name “sliver”…
And if you know me well enough, you’ll know why.

I know I mentioned that I met a girl that I have been in swings with, I feel like I’m getting into the habit again… I just cant pace myself to wait for something I can’t have, even though the feeling is so strong I just can’t leave myself in this pain for nothing, so I guess I’m keeping myself occupied… I’m not saying I’m leaving and running away from the situations, I am still here if ever they would need me, it’s just I can’t keep giving myself false hope.
In a way I’m distracting myself until I’m needed? Or that could just be a lame excuse for swings and flings again… I don’t know, you tell me. “Once a criminal, always a criminal” is what people say to me… and honestly I agree, especially when it’s used on me. I also feel like going back to my dark ways… no not being emo… I don’t think I can be emo… I find things too funny too easily, I mean like the dark twisted ways how I find blood and cuts and scars uber hot, well I think scars are sexy…. Depends on the scar though of course.
But I think maybe I should let myself be dark for a while… release and satisfy the hunger or else it might explode and it wont be so nice… I know what I’m capable of so yea, might be dangerous.

Ahhha… funny thing I noticed while banking these days, the service people in my local area are becoming more good looking… so now I don’t mind going to the bank and waiting in the long ass queue!!... Especially because I go to all four banks to do my banking… its not so bad anymore…

I’m feeling so sleepy right now and it’s only like 6pm right now…
I’m writing this on Tuesday by the way.

Well there’s a nice update for you… I’ll continue soon.


It’s now about 8:30pm Tuesday…
Hhahaha… and I don’t have anything to say… just wanted to pop in.


Ok, about 9pm now…
I just got off the phone with the girl I mentioned I met on Thursday night while out with cooper, we were having a three way chat… and I asked her friend if she was into girls, and she just giggled without answering and every time I ask she would giggle… I don’t quite understand the point of that, is she too shy to talk about it? Or does she want me to find out for myself?... hm… but hey it was fun, I haven’t talked on the phone for that long since a serious relationship, like 3 years ago… not saying that this is a serious relationship, though I do miss the talking to get to know someone deeper then they show… I have been lacking a heap of talking, I don’t seem to talk much these days anymore, especially about me, I haven’t spoken to anyone lately, well just a little bit to Matty, I love you Matty bear!!

About 9:56pm now…
Yea I got nothing… hahaha…

Cheers.

-[Pd]-




hey hey, so its been a day over a week... and i'm sorry and i am fine.. just been really busy and yea my interweb access wasnt so great either... but im back now...

cheers.

-[Pd]-

today has been a very full day...

half the day was spent of doing things for mum....

then went to meet cooper for the first time...
it was fun.... very natural... almost bizarre,
we got a little freaked out of each other because we share so much in common we think its unnatural... lol.. simply because we were freaking out?...
so yea.. had a great time meeting cooper, and i finally bought a thin tie.... not that thin.. but thin enough lol....

my feet are killing me... had to walk everywhere today..... been walking since like 8am this morning ... and just got home.... so its like.... 13 hours of walking.... was so happy to be on the train... because i finally got to sit down!! ahhha.... im sitting now and it feels so good.. i can feel it pumpin..... lol....
so sore...

might head to sleep early tonight.... but then who knows... might not...

um, cooper kept pointing out that people were checking me out tonight.... but i didnt notice.. i wonder why i didnt notice... i wonder why they didnt check cooper out... shes a pretty cool looking tom-boy.... more boy looking than me... if i was a chick-chick.... i would go for her....

anywho... yea.. thats all i did today....

cheers.

-[Pd]-

hm, lets see, lets see.....

found a song on youtube, writen and sung by this guy name "chestersee"
you should so check it out.... i am in love with this song because its the kind of song and words i wish to be able to say or write to someone....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Msacu3SLocA

um, i feel abit emotional now... after finding that song... ahhahah

not much has been happening really.... been rushing around doing things for mum and work.. havent got much time for personal pleasure or drama, althought alot have been on my mind...

hm..
OH YEAH...... got a racist bitch fired today..... felt so good man...
anyone that is that shouldnt deserve a job... especially a customer service job!!!
i walked into a clothes store (wont name it) with my cousin and we werent speaking english... and we were in the bargin section( coz honestly who doesnt love a bargin) and my cousin was looking through the clothes and i went to get a dress.... of course we kept talking in non-english.... and then the service girl came over and asked if she could help... and i replied.. " huh? oh no thank you".... and so she went away... and so we finished and we went to pay for the clothes.. the same girl was there... and when it was our turn... she looked at the clothes and the price tag to scan of course.. then she turned to the guy next to him (also works there) and said to him " omg.. these are such cheap clothing, these fucking asian immigrants are so fucking cheap" .... and i looked at her directly!!.. and i said " you know what? did you know that i can understand you? did you even check if i understood english before saying shit about me? i remember quite clearly that i said " no thank you" to you in perfect english." and she just looked at me with the shocked face.... and she didnt even apologised.... just kept staring and walked off..... and i told the guy i wanted to talk to her superviser... and he was it... and im like.. no fucking way.... she talked about it with you... and i asked for the manager... and yea... she got fired.... on the spot!!.... ahhhahhhaHHHAAH ... and the guy was in trouble.... the manager guy gave me a discount on the clothes and tried to make a deal with me... but i wasnt interested... so we went out...
serves her right!!.....

so yea, thats about the most interesting thing that happened to me today...

toodles.....

-[Pd]-

when tears find your eyes and you're feeling like life's got you down
when you feel so alone and there's nowhere to go don't you cry
thinking that you can't go on
cause everything you try just goes wrong

I'll be that shelter in the rain
if you say you need a sunny day
then I'll be that sun when you need it to shine
and I'll move mountains and lakes
if you say that they're in your way
just like the stars I'm your light when it's too dark to see
just say the word and I'll be
Whatever you need
know that you'll always have me
and thats what I'll be

I'll share the weight when it's too much to take let me know
we'll fight things together I'm by your side forever I won't go
thinking that it's too much to bare
just know that I'll always be there

I'll be that shelter in the rain
if you say you need a sunny day
then I'll be that sun when you need it to shine
and I'll move mountains and lakes
if you say that they're in your way
just like the stars I'm your light when it's too dark to see
just say the word and I'll be
Whatever you need
know that you'll always have me
and thats what I'll be

I'll be that shelter in the rain
if you say you need a sunny day
then I'll be that sun when you need it to shine
and I'll move mountains and lakes
if you say that they're in your way
just like the stars I'm your light when it's too dark to see
just say the word and I'll be
Whatever you need
know that you'll always have me
and thats what I'll be

Swarms of people they move in every direction
Some eyes they wander while others are just glued to their feet
And how I wonder what goes on behind those eyes,
There are lives, growing older and they're growing wise

So amazed by all the many different faces,
Searching for traces of emotion wondering places they have been
And on occasion, someone will take a look at me,
But do they see a unique person, or am I part of a vast sea

Sing me your song, solve my mystery
I wont do you no harm, just wanted to see
Sing me your song, solve my mystery
I wont do you no harm, just wanted to see
That you're a person just like me

They are the background of your everyday situation
Look all around you start to wonder really who these people are
They might be watching, wondering quite the same of you
So break this auto pilot path and try to start something new

Sing me your song, solve my mystery
I wont do you no harm, just wanted to see
Sing me your song, solve my mystery
I wont do you no harm, just wanted to see
That you're a person just like me

sorry, didnt post last night... wasnt in a straight mind to talk..

um... so.. yesterday... i went around to pay the bills.... to the doctor.... then lunch with a friend and went home...

in the evening... had company... got alil touchy.. and yea...
didnt got to much.... lucky that..

so... i had like some psychotic moment that lasted a while...
kinda still having it now.....

um, yea.. not much to talk about...

-[Pd]-

i am so full right now... ahhhha

um, today, i was hoping to be a nice relaxing day... so i could get over my stupid feelings about yesterday.... but today exploded with drama..

first of... i would like to say to kate..... YOUR A FUNNY ONE DARLIN' ...
i tell you why?... because kate pointed at a man in a bunny suit and said " omg that guy looks like a bunny!!" in a totally surprised and fascinated expression..
well anyways...

um... so i read that book i mentioned.... and i didnt like it... at all.
i just felt it was too much to a bully.... i personally felt a little bit abused during and after reading it... still feeling it now actually....
hm...

um.... drama..... girls are starting to pick little meaningless fights with me.... why do they do that... if they want to say something.. or want me to know something.. then why not just tell me? just because you see me as a guy with girl instincts, doesnt mean i am the greatest mind reader of the world... or a mind reader at all!!... come one girls.... dont pick fights... you all know i'll give in to you lovely ladies.. sooner or later anyways..... so why bother to start one...


hm... yea, im still feeling bad about yesterday, like how i acted and such....

gosh im so thirsty, been skulling down water like a fish swimming in it all day.... u know.. how they open their mouth and water goes in or through out the gills..
so sleepy too.. didnt sleep so well last night... and now im abit sick too....

i sort of met a girl briefly when i was out today... she was cute... Japanese i think.. because i was eating sushi and she was too.. and she kept saying "kampai" to me.. which means "cheers".... and yea... cute...
distance flirting...

i think my thoughts .. my naughty thoughts has either died down or calmed down.... i dont feel like exploding in that department anymore... which is good.
But.. i think i still have a problem of the confusion of.... not being able to tell the difference if i want someone for lust or because i like them....

um.... yea.... thats about it... cant think about what more to say at this point...

cheers.... KAMPAI ^_^.v

-[Pd]-

hm.. today has been a long long day.... a long day of nothing really...
i was suppose to go to the moon festival with Nicky and the kids....and i was looking forward to it for the whole week.... but it didnt turn out too well.. mainly because i didnt get to go to the moon festival with Nicky and the kids..
its been raining non-stop really... and the kids had to stay at home (their home) i guess so they wont get sick... so no kids.... and i thought, ok thats fine... at least i get to have some alone time with Nicky... but, she ended up, not making it.. because she had a friend that was feeling upset and she had to comfort her.
it was a situation, i cant talk about.... but i should have been more understanding.... i mean like.. i do understand.. very clearly in fact... i just cant help the way i feel, you know... so i behaved abit argo towards her because i just couldnt wait anymore and did miss out on the moon festival (which turned to be shitty),.... but apologised as well....
but that wasnt the point, i really was looking forward on spending time with her, and to have to wait the whole week plus the whole day today and to end up with a cancellation, just sucks.

so ended up hanging with a good friend of mine, we had fun.... right Helen?.
we went to the festival... walked abit,.. found it boring... so we bought some food and came back to my House, talked abit then she went home..
she also let me borrow a book called... "Questions, young people ask, answers that work." volume 2, and its a book she has gotten from the um, Jehovah's witness, people (is that how u spell it? forgive me if im wrong).. and theres likes in there like.... "how to avoid homosexuality" and such... which i find bizarre.. coz honestly... we are everywhere, i tell you, you cant hide from us gay people.... lol.. nah jokes.. people have different views on different things.... people have their own rights to their opinions...

um, yea.. thats it.... didnt do anything today to actually talk more about.. just sat around waiting all day..... bummy day..

cheers.

-[Pd]-

frustrated much?

i'm feeling kinda....
um,
crazy.... abit mixed....
like... of happy, excited, horny, depressed, nervous, dark/twisted, and yea.. all that jibby jabber....

... i'm watching alfie.

hm.... i think alfie is a good movie... its a movie i could understand well enough to feel.



ok, honestly.... right now im alittle..... actually ALOT...... unsettled... i cant sit still, my heart is racing, my blood is pumping... my ears are burning..... my mind is spinnin.... my palms are sweaty... even though its raining and cold like crazy right now...
my fingers are twitching, my eyes are dry.....my mouth is dry.. !!!!!!
absolutely going crazy, feel like exploding.

is this the affect of trying to stay clean?

i have been too, to so inappropriate with Nicky for the last few days, its not even funny anymore. well not just her, but mainly her... is it because i know there is absolutely NOTHING stopping me? and the fact that she plays along most to all of the time.... encourages me to continue??......

been thinking heaps about girls... my mind have been lingering, and craving... and ARGH so many feelings right now....

i had a stupid moment yesterday... i was walkign to get some food... and a friend from high school (in the same grade as me) walked towards me to walk pass me, and she smiled and say hi to me.... i was so fucked up in the moment of thinking how cute she is that i said hey and kept walking!!!, seems so rude of me... should have stopped and talked abit... even though we never really talked before...
and right before that, i kept looking at this girl that i thought was another girl from my grade.... i kept looking, but i didnt have my glasses on so i couldnt realyl see for sure... but i dont think it was her, if it was then she would have waves or said something... she usually does.
i went home... and just thought about them..... wanting them as well... and pissing myself coz of how "unprofessional" i was being.....

i completely stayed home today..... to avoid anymore triggers... but Nicky got me again today... it's like she knows what triggers me now, and i personally feel afraid of that, once a girl or anyone gets to the point that they have figured me out... i start to panic... i loose my ground abit... and of course i had to expect it from Nicky.. she works with people so closely everyday... she kows how to adapt to people... heck she even opened me up to her in such a short time of knowing her, beats the record of anybody else too..

gar, point is..... im feeling very frustrated..... general frustration and sexually frustrated. and there are temptations and loaded guns... magnets.... everywhere... and a amazingly hot cake around that i have been wanting for years .... so close to me.....
i cant control myself anymore, i cant be charming, i cant be funny, i cant be serious.... i just cant hold myself together...

i need to do something about this, because i know that if i dont then i might explode on the wrong moment and person, and that can cost many things... like a friendship even.

ok, i need to stop..... thats enough venting.... now its trying to control the mind.... mind over matter!!! .... i wish i can control right now...
but i'll think of something...

oh fuck, seeing Nicky tomorrow...

-[Pd]-

so, i was working this morning-ish...... and i was setting up a gig stage for a band...... and we had some spare time so i got up and muck around alittle bit....
about abit later... some guy, walks in with his arms in the air yelling "WOOOOO KEEP IT REAL MA!!!" and gave me the thumbs up and a wink....
and honestly i got alil freaked out, maybe because i was kinda alone and in the moment... but gee.. where the heck did that guy come from??!! ahhhahha

um um, feeling quite good today....
woke up... bro left for a few days work... he wrote me a note... which i thought was cute, he asked me to put his clothes in the washing.. but i thought it was cute coz he drew like smiley faces and hearts lol...... he knows i wont get mad when he draws silly stuff...

hm, i keep seeing the add for 90210 ... and im actually really looking forward to watching it!! ahhhahahaha......

anyways.. yea.. thats it...

cheers.

-[Pd]-

LOL, i still cant remember what i did yesterday.....

today.. i um.... i um....... did something.. hm...
what was it....

drank coffee.... um, eat..., um... emailed a whole lot( lol mainly to one person).....
and then went out to dinner.......
thats it...

lol...

um, um.

...and she would smile.


OH!! ahhahah i had a stupid moment today.... ok.. heres my question,
if... a standard hug took about 3 seconds each... how long would it take to have 100 hugs?.....
i felt so dumb and ashame that i couldnt work that out!!!... i said 5 hours!! how dumb was that....
its 5 minutes right?... please say yes... i cant stand taking that as anothing wrong answer....
or please correct me straight away,.....


ARGGHHHH!!! im just watching "so you think you can dance".. and two of my favourite dancer just left!! i feel so sad now.....
( its mark and chelsie, if your wondering)

hm,

...and she would think.


oh, looking forward to saturday, because the local moonfestival is on, would be going in the daytime with Nicky and the kids(hoping its still on she wont cancel), and at night with some other people... hopfully a close friend of mine.... (hey helen, wanna go at night time and catch the fireworks?COZ i know u have work at during the daytime...and would like to watch the fireworks with u, coz i dont think we ever did..).


lol, just saw on the news, said something about a new burger, unhealthy, full of meat.. lol... VERY UNHEALTHY..... but then i wanna try it? is that bad?
hm... been to healthy, feel like breaking the rules and be naughty for abit lol..

yea, im feeling like that towards alot of things at the moment... just wanna break free and be naughty!!

OH, and my toe is feeling better ^_^... can walk properly now...

anywho... enough random for tonight...

cheers.

-[Pd]-

for some reason, i honestly cant remember what i did today...!!!

my mind feels so blank and or full of heaps of random things!!....
hm... im abit puzzled.

i keep thinking about yesterday and whats to come on saturday that i simple cannot remember what i did today... or maybe i didnt do anything...?


hm, just in a crazy peak hour of my mind...

damn,... anyways... yea i cant remember what to talk about.. so im going to leave it here... if i remember then i'll come back.. else.... have a good one, cheers.

-[Pd]-

so, what have you been up to my lovely people?

im abit tired so i thought i'd post something now...

today started with me um.. waking up? ahhaha
then had a hugr bowl of cereal.. and then played guitar for a few hours...
then had a call from Nicky, and went out and hung out with her for a few hours before she had to go to work, then i came home and um... continued with my guitaring... hahaha...

um.. time with Nicky made me feel abit weird.... no, i acted abit weird.
yea i acted abit weird, because i havent seen her for a long while... and was too giddy to control myself....


um...
was on myspace, and automatically a girl took interest in me and said i seem awesome and worthy enough to get her email.... and then she private message me and said.. and number too......
so yea.. just wanted to say that.. because im finding it hard to understand why people take interest in me, i am such a boring person!!! like online.... i dont tell much about myself.... and they still come around...
outside world... im not much of a open person or a looker... and they still come around...
alwells, must be something you dont need to know or understand to let happen.
but what if i give out mixed signals... and get myself in some sort of twisted trouble. i have refused a few and that only seem to make them stay around more!!... why is that... curiousity?.... i dont have much people...
hm... i dont know where im going with that....

i want a fruit shake...

i want some sleep.... Nicky's bed was so comfortable... i wanted to sleep there hahahaha... still want to sleep there, no wonder she falls asleep to well and quickly, she needs her sleep, she lives a busy life...

my toe is still hurting so much... i dont get how a little tiny injury can hurt so much!!... had trouble walking around with Nicky today...

im watching burn notice right now..... like that show.
pretty cool. doesnt beat dexter though, even though theres so many cunning actions... dexter is way darker and has more self thoughts...

anywhos... cheers... gonna finish watchin tv... and see if im still sleepy..

-[Pd]-

Dream catch me - Newton Faulkner

Every time I close my eyes... it's you
And I know now who I am
Yeah yeah yeah
And I know now

There's a place I go when I'm alone
Do anything I want, be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm falling
That's where I'm going, where are you going
Hold it close, won't let this go
Dream catch me yeah
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all

Do so much
But you don't know... it's true
And I know now who I am
Yeah yeah yeah
And I know now

There's a place I go when I'm alone
Do anything I want, be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm falling

That's where I'm going, where are you going
Hold it close, won't let this go
Dream catch me yeah
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all

I see you as a mountain, a fountain of God
I see you as a descant soul in the setting sun
You as the sound of desire, of this love
I’m gone

There's a place I go when I'm alone
Do anything I want, be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm falling

There's a place I go when I'm alone
Do anything I want, be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm falling

That's where I'm going, where are you going
Hold it close, won't let this go
Dream catch me
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all