have you seen a star lately?

for the last week or so... Jane has gotten a hold on me, Jane figured out almost all my secret pleasures.... and has been taking advantage of it, and it has been driving me insane, making me stress, frustrated.. and major tension.. i have not slept properly for the last week.. and my eating isn't so well either... because food is pretty sexual too.

after all that.... today i feel sad... because i miss love.

i feel so jaded.

about almost everything, I'm tired of being an adult and having serious responsibilities.

i want to be at the age of 3 where i don't need to think about what to cook for dinner tonight, when to pay the bills and go to work to pay that bills, i don't want to book for appointments myself, i don't want to clean up the house and after others... i don't have to babysit, i can chuck tantrums anywhere anytime, someone would tuck me in to sleep, people would tell me im cute and buy me toys and clothes... i would be able to kick that stupid stranger thats pissing me off and they can't hurt me...i would be able to run to someone if i had a bad dream, i'd be able to cry without thinking im stupid and feel ashamed that i'm weak.

but,

i'd like to have a special someone as well, and at the age of 3, that doesn't happen.

i want to be at that sweet age where, everything is going in my favour...

maybe 17?

love was sweet at 17, though, i had my sweet love at 15-16.

i want to live the age of 17 with a life of a 3 year old... is that possible?

...maybe in my head only.

i hate growing up, though i really look forward to my golden age.. where i have hopfully settled down and relaxing. but if i want to get there, i have to wait and work for it, really hard.

i miss love, and smiling and being happy...

i miss all the warm feelings.

call me a wuss, call me a pussy.. i don't care, i'm only human and every human being has feelings, even you... so don't hide from it and express it because the world deserves more love, more hugs and more kisses.

i'm tired.

-[Pd]-