Matt Roberts is the greatest man i know, the most genuine, the most awesome.
i sat all day just thinking
i fail towards saying how i feel, i just cried uncontrollably when i feel like saying something.
i am very thankful that i do have friends around for me to run to.
thank you shane, for running to my rescue.
thank you sara for letting me cry it out..
thank you helen for letting me back in.
thank you sylvie for the hug
and thank you nicky for the offer.
Dear Mattybear.
i wish we had more time together, still i wouldn't know what to say...
i hope you know how much you mean to me, how much i love and adore you
you are my man, and i am your girl... you are my hero because you protect me, you take care of me, you inspire me.
i miss you matt
i am only $340 away from buying you a plane ticket to Australia like i promised.
i was getting so excited to see you again, to feel your mighty bear hugs and kisses again.
i was excited.
i knew there was something wrong, because you would never leave without telling me where your going and when you'll be back... you just disappeared this time, and now you are really gone.
it hurts so much to know this, but i have to say it because it's true...
you will always and be forever in my heart.
i'm sorry that i pushed u away. i love u so much.
i'm sorry i didn't marry you. i'm sorry i pushed you to LA, but i wanted you to live your life, i saw how powerful you are in your career and i didn't want you to sit back with me...
i was scared of being committed, i was so young and i just only stepped on 18.
but i love you. i miss you.
i'm mad, because i know your family was only trying to protect me from worrying about you when you were in a coma for the last two weeks... i know they had hope you will come out from it and continue your life, but i'm mad that they didn't let me know.... and now its too late.
i never got to say my good bye, i never got the chance to pray for you.
I'm sorry i couldn't be by your side, i'm sorry that i couldn't be by your bed side.
your mother called me at 8am this morning, telling me the news... i couldn't believe it, i thought she was joking or freaking out because you haven't spoken to any of us for the last 2 weeks...
you are my hero, and heros don't die.
so i couldn't believe it, i'm sorry i didn't cry for you when she told me.... i'm sorry it took me a while to cry for you, i guess i was just so shocked that i couldn't cry.. i was just blank.
i didn't cry until i sat still and support was around.
she told me that she was on her way to the air port to go to LA, and she will try to take you home, i hope you'll make it home. i want to see you one more time.
i'm also mad that you don't send me pictures/photos or webcam with me while you're there... it's been 2 years since i saw what you really look like, and since then its just that one facebook profile picture. why do you always have to be such a mischief, i don't like surprises, i like things to be constant. i like to see your face, your cheeky smile, your dreamy eyes. i didn't want to wait to see what you look like in person, i just wanted a photo. it takes 5 seconds.
i don't mean to be mad.... i just don't know how to be right now...
i don't know how i will be now that you are not here anymore, you were always here, everyday.
you always know when something is happening, as if you are here and one step ahead of time itself.
maybe its about time i got your name on my heart? like how you got my name on yours.
remember when we use to play games... so childish.
i miss your random back flips... we'll just be walking down the street and out of no where you would chuck a back flip...
i miss your cooking, everything you cooked... even those yucky protein shakes you make me drink. i especially miss your pancakes, perfect pancakes made by a perfect man.
what if we did get married... what if i had moved there with you... what if you were still here with me. what if you didn't get into that taxi that morning.
i hope you know how much you mean to me,
i know i get mad at you a lot, but you know i like to sook, and i know you like to tease.
i miss your voice
i'll miss your work, your music
your genius.
you are my man, my hero.
i love you and i will never forget you.
i hope you find your way and rest in peace.
i'll see you soon mattybear, very soon.
love you ~_^.v
