well, hello there!!

i once again am going through a moment where i have a crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt.

she is absolutely gorgeous isn't she?

AHHHAHAHAHAHAH i shit myself laughing.... ( no, not literally)

how freaking awesome would it be to have this...... randomly happen here in sydney.. ey?

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-AU&amp;brand=ninemsn&amp;vid=cd5634ad-e33f-4083-8adb-8e7bc1a95711" target="_new" title="Singapore Flash Mob">Video: Singapore Flash Mob</a>

i heart william rast clothing line.

mens clothing is sexy.

i just saw a William Rast Vest, and i almost died. ( i can't believe clothes can get me so excited)

the rrp is $200.00, but i think i want to get it. i neeeeed to get it?

sexy, ain't it?

i think that William Rast clothing line is my new way.

cost like a bitch but its so worth it.

MOTHAFUKER!!!!

someone stole my P plates....

why the fuck would someone do that...

it's practically free.

fucking low lives.

i officially HATE going to paramatta for evenings....

FUCKING HATE IT!!!....

cabramatta and paramatta...

fucking hate the 'ramatta's .

i can't stop thinking about her.

am i tripping?

again?

when i'm not with her... i feel normal, like we are just friends... normal general friends..

but the moment she comes around... i start to float on the clouds and tend to loose myself for a couple of days.

do i still have feelings for her?

but, i don't have the urge to be with her like that anymore...

i just, like her.

she makes me feel good somehow... from whatever mood i'm in.

what is it.

but do i need a reason? probably not, but i am curious.

maybe this is just one of those things that i will never understand...

or shouldn't.

gotta say, she is unique

if you know her, you'd understand when i say that, i don't think i can ever find another person like her. ever.

i had a nice chilled comfortable day today with Nicky...

haven't had a day like this with her in a while...

and i really missed and enjoyed it.

we met up for lunch, and then went back to her place and we fell asleep for a while, while waiting for her little brother to come home from school... he came home... and we went to pick up her car from the garage and returned her ex's car to him... and it felt weird being back at their house... he is still friendly, but honestly i expected some sort of commotion with them but he was really nice.. handed her some of her mail.. talked to me a bit , and he still buys her things like jeans and chocolate like when they were still together which personally i felt weird about, i just felt odd there.. but i guess thats how Nicky is.. she can stay friends with ex's...

then went back to her place to talk a bit more, watch some tv... fell asleep again.. and then when her roommate came home i left because she had to get ready for a party...

i'm wearing the perfume she gave me a while ago, maybe last year for my birthday? i'm not sure.. and she could not stop smelling me trying to figure out which brand it is because it smells so nice.. and i felt bad after a while so i told her it's the one she gave me and she was so happy about the choice because she said that it suits me very well and it always remind her of me.. it was cute... she has a HUGE!!! collection of perfumes, perfume freak?.

and the other day, a friend kept smelling me too... weirded me out a lil bit...because she did it weird... lol...sorry...i know you read my blog... but that was weird...and you'd probably be wondering how it was weird, it was weird because you were sniffing... not smelling, but sniffing.

OH!!, on that note.

i've been wearing this perfume recently, and it seems to be getting a lot of responses..

pick up phenomenon? ......nice...

my arms and fingers are really sore and i don't know why!!!! WHYYYY!!!

don't think dirty...

maybe i drove and texted messaged a lot today? but i always drive and text message a lot...everyday.

maybe i'm just tired from napping too much... but i couldn't help it!!! her bed is just so so SOOOOOOOO COMFY!!! and she made me lay down... and there was a pillow.... and blanket... and her... and then we kind of just drifted.

drugs baby!!!...

no i'm joking, we didn't take drugs. maybe there was something in the pho we had.... or we were just too damn full and got real lazy.

LOL!!!

good day.

beats all the others i've been having so it should be considered a great day...

great day.

-[pd]-

attention.

attention, attention.

how do you get noticed? yea, i'm asking you.

how do you get attention from the people you want to be noticed by...

yes, you.

how do you know what to do to get the right attention....

....................

say, how do you go about getting attention from that hottie across the room...

yea, you.

how about trying to get attention from a friend, when you need to talk about something deep...

and, how about getting noticed by your parents....

and how do you go about getting attention from a crowd....

...how do you get attention from a distracted friend....when you are aching in stress and troubles and everything but happiness....?

how.

.............. getting attention is hard.

some of you are probably like, hey stupid.. why not just ask for their time?

well you,... asking for time is also hard too ....

don't you just shit yourself when your in such a fucked up mess and you'd have to book for your friend's time?

say, you have drunk a lot and is completely wasted with doubtful self-control and judgement... while in the tub holding a knife with suicidal tendency.... and you call a friend in hope of some sort of hope?...

and they book you in for next week, or not pick up the phone or respond to you at all or is distracted by something else...

how would you feel?

how do you express that this is fucking urgent and i need you like... right fucking now.

right now.

how do you say i need you urgently.

how do you express a sadness to someone...

its hard to get attention, but it worse to try to get the right attention.

sometimes what you say isn't enough to describe the situation...

no one else will ever 100% understand how you feel like or what you go through...

only you.

so how do you express it...

how do you say i really need you right now...

yes,you.

and when you try to get the attention, you have to watch what you say and do because you can't be misleading.

....so how do you get noticed while your shaking with fear and depression and everything but happiness...?

yea,you.

i'm asking you this is because i need help and i don't know how to seek it... people just arent around... and i don't know how to seek and crumble and ask for help.

and i'm asking all this is because i am hoping someone i know, will read this and help...

and i'm hoping that someone i know, will read this and know what i'm going through..

the most confident way for me to find comfort is to ask to hang out... which isn't enough to be noticed.

and what makes it worse is when i realise that someone and i stop contact out of nowhere...

no conversation, no hang outs...

whats up with that, where do people go all of a sudden, did i do something?

did they get bored of me and just decided to go else where?

like, whats up with that?!

why is it so hard to have friends...

or keep them.

do i neglect you? is that why you neglect me?

driving in cabramatta.... absolutely PISS ME OFF!!!

ahhhhh, how shall i explain this.

if you know me, or i have driven you.... or if you have driven in cabramatta at all, you'll know what i mean.

first of all, i just want to say..... DRIVE PROPERLY BITCH!!!

hm, ok...

parking...... why the fuck is it so crowded all the time?!! well besides before 8am, during 2:30pm -3:10pm, and after 6pm...

people waiting for parking... MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!... i can not stress that enough, they either stop in the middle of the path, or double side a already stopped car... and block your way..

and then there's the "i was waiting!!" or the " i saw that spot first!!" argument that goes on when a car has left a parking spot and two other cars fight for it.... and all they do is block the way and scream at each other... causing heaps of traffic jams and no movement for about 10 minutes... ARGH!! MOVE!!.

there are the slow drivers... if you are an old guy.. with a brand spanking new ride.... DON'T DRIVE IN CABRAMATTA!!!! or speed the fuck up.

i'm just saying.

there are the cars that linger their nose of the car out onto the open roads hoping for the car that is driving straight towards it to stop and give way... FUCK YOU!!! if i was a tad more careless... i'l smack that pretty nose of yours...

would you like a nose job?... guess what.. I AIN'T PAYING FOR IT!!! legally.. that is your fault.

so hey.. when so happens one of those days when i feel like ramming something... guess who you'll see ^_^... i'll also take out that bat i have in my car... and break your windows while i'm at it. sounds fun right?

there are ones who simply can not do a side parallel parking, please go elsewhere to practice and then come back when you have improved..... and please... please, PLEASE stop holding up traffic.

pedestrians.... FREAK ME OUT... i feel like having a heart attack whenever one pops out of nowhere to cross the road when i'm traveling at like 60+km/h...

LADIES WITH PRAMS!!!!!! ARE FUCKING DANGEROUS!!...

yes, it is a TOTALLY FABULOUS idea to stick your precious little children half way onto the road waiting to cross the road, just totally (yes, sarcastic i am.).

people on bicycles... please put on a helmet, and ride closer to the kerb, please.

and get off the freaking walk paths.

people walking... please walk in single or two lines(columns- one person walking behind another).... not a hundred million... i know you girls like to walk in a row(side by side)/line and chain your arms together... i feel like walking right through every time i see that, or do a ninja chop. have you ever tried passing one of those? isn't it just frustrating?!

also the people that walk directly into you while staring right into your eyes trying to force their mind power to say... "get out of my way" .

also people that walk in front of you.. but walking a swaying way, so you try to pass but they always find your step and block you...

AND.. whats with the intense eye contact when they cross the road??!!

your driving.. and they just cross the road while staring straight into you, sometimes they cross suddenly but in a very slow manner...

have you ever bump into that situation?... they come out of nowhere and run like half way and you slam on your brakes and then they walk slowly across while staring at you with a non-happy look? i fucking hate that. always make me want to rev my car.

and when you walk down the street and see someone carrying a lot of things or something heavy... do you move out of the way?

PEOPLE IN CABRA DON'T.

yes, i spent almost the whole day in cabra today.... that is why i needed to vent.

some people are just stupid.

i have other things going on right now but i don't feel like sharing that right now...

i just hate people being neglected, and i hate the people that does it and doesn't realise or admit it. fuck you too.

-[pd]-

charlesTrippy posted this, and i just wanted to re-post it on here to see what you guys think of it..

let me know

this is Sam,

please check him out and show him some love.

^_^.v

http://www.youtube.com/samdmusic

i think this is why i love her....

oh, this might be offensive and etc... or a wtf....

but i think this is why i love her.

you probably shouldn't click on it....

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/2383264/highlight/23030

I'm a sick person, i know.

at least i play safe right? no one gets killed or seriously injured.

its hard to plan what to say don't you think?

because i'm been sitting here for about half an hour trying to put things to words and write it so it makes some sort of sense, it just doesn't.

there is so much going on, but i have no idea where or how to start...

mind the randomness thats about to happen.

hey, joke... what do you call a deer with no eyes? a no eye deer = no idea!!!.

eh, ok i know thats lame.

but it make you chuckle right? no?... not even a smile? no? hm ok.

i guess i can't be a comedian then.

i've been helping out with clearing matt's apartment and it's been a real emotional wreck for all thats involved...

i found all these random things he kept and everything has a memory, a moment or meaning behind them.. i found his journals, his photography albums.

he is such a wise and creative man.

all his creations are just simply beautiful...

Jane went to LA to "replace" matt , for work purposes... trying to deal with our clients and productions, she won't let me help... so the crew is dealing with all that and i'm not allowed to do anything but sit here and wait for paperwork to sign...

if i keep listening to korean and japanese songs.... would i eventually understand what they are singing? or say?

songs i have been listening to are:

Nobody but you - wonder girls

So hot - wonder girls

Honey - KARA

Mister - KARA

Gee - SNSD (girl generation)

Why did i fall in love with you - tohoshinki

First love - utada hikaru.

and a bunch of other random ones...

i want to say that i think i am secretly in love with Tila Tequila ...

yea, her.. and i don't know why...

not love as in i want to marry her... love as in.. i enjoy her...

i just realise that i have her in twitter, youtube, ustream, on that phone call thing that she posts a message then you call on that number to send one back and she'll directly call you back, and that other page of hers, tempted to add her on facebook and myspace but can't be bothered yet (but i feel it coming soon), and i'd definitely have her on dailybooth if she as that as well.

is it because she has a nice rack? and talks seductive? and dances around all sexy heat and all?

maybe so.

she is everywhere on my networks that i know heaps more about her than i realise, like she has two music albums, a book, a reality tv star, of course heaps of photo shoots (yes i perv on that, i aint ashame to admit that one), shes viet and she loves pho and thit kho (if u know, u know... ), i even feel a bit down when she doesn't twitter for a day or when i sign on and don't see her on the homepage...

denial obsession much?

my friend always wears those thick rubber bands on his wrist.. just a normal rubber band... the ones you use to tie things... sometimes red, sometimes green... sometimes he has a black one( i think thats a hair tie? hm..)

and i finally confronted him about it... and he said that wearing it makes him feel cool.

i feel baffled...

do you have something you wear or do that makes you feel cool?

something you wear every day, all day....

i guess my white leather chucks makes me feel pretty cool... but i don't wear it everyday.

i met a girl the other day, we get along great, but i'm not sure if i should continue with her because i'm getting married soon... though i feel really excited about her... hm.

she's one whom i can't just tell her i like her and i'm getting married and then still stay friends with, that won't end well.... those things NEVER end well...

if theres a feeling... that feeling will never ever go away.

do you ever meet people like that?, the ones who make you just completely trip your mind and you either need to have them or need to completely get away from them because you like them too much?

situation sucks if you see them everyday... like in school or work...

hm.

can i talk about sex again?.... HAVEN'T HAD ANY IN LIKE FOR EVER!!!... *sigh*...

ok, i won't go any further than that....

actually i think i should stop...

-[Pd]-

matt is home.

he has been cremated and i am very thankful that i had the chance to say good bye to him and also scatter him beyond the waves at bondi beach, where he loves to be.

Matt Roberts, may you make peace with the waves.

i love you.

-----------------------------------

tomorrow is not guaranteed.

tomorrow is never guaranteed.

i wish i could speak out more, seek more...love more and hate more.

i don't know what i'm afraid of, yet i don't get out there.

Susan, matt's mother is bringing him home on Thursday, he will be cremated.

We are gonna build a life together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll make babies on the beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely

And I'll wind up every day
Thinking about the way you make me feel
When your lips touch my lips
And I'd crawl inside a cave
Or live somewhere strange
As long as I'm with you
I have got what I need

Do you know how lovely you are?
In the starlight, in the starlight of my heart
Do you know how lovely you are?
In the moonlight, in the moonlight of my heart

Fuck My Life.... for real.

how fucked up is this year..!!!!!

i simply can not take it anymore... or i don't want to take it anymore.

WTF IS GOING ON??!!!

now im going to list it out.. and i very much doubt that you will believe it. because its just too fucked.

what happened this year so far:.

i lost a love life.. and dont tell me this aint a big deal... all you people with your break ups, you know exactly know what i'm talking about.

rocky friendships... troubles, misunderstandings,mistakes... tension between.

my health... my head is still fucked and now my kidney has major problems... after all this shit problems and troubles i just don't have the feel to get well anymore.

mum won't listen to all these health risk shes having, and is in denial of everything.

Matt has past away because of a car accident, completely flipped my world, i love him so much. i hope you found your way and now resting in peace.

i'm getting forced into marriage. that means my whole lifestyle i been living will be shut down ...

the marriage will never end well, i love girls... and i cant sit still.

and today... my brother just brought the news to me that my dad has cancer, and he is keeping quiet about it. even though we are not close... he is my dad and i do care for him, i dont want him to leave so soon.

i am stressed out to the max.

i cant stop crying when i sit still.

i'm having suicidal thoughts again, and they are becoming very strong.

i feel so bad at the end of the day because i have been smiling, because i feel like i've been lying.

lying to everyone i see... i don't feel like smiling... i feel like.. smashing my jar of rage,fear,sadness,heart break, frustration and letting it free to explode... i feel like breaking out in tears... i feel like i want to take my life.

did i do something? why is this all happening...

here i am... typing all this up... random feelings flowing around my adrenaline... crying.

i don't know who to talk to anymore.

i know people try to be here for me... but im sorry to say that i dont feel it. i really dont.

if i did... then why would i have to set up this blog.. and vent out like this.

i feel like, the SAW movie. the concept of the SAW movie.

there u are... living your life.... and he(problems) gets you ... traps you in this room, you feel scared, you fear and in pain not knowing what the fuck is going on, he(someone gives u advice, talk is always easier than doing it) sends u a message on how to get out of it and stay alive,then in order to get out and be free is to enter this extreme bravery and extreme pain zone that you have to dig into yourself (takes so much focus and guts to do) and if you are able to get your mind together and able to set yourself free then you have survived to continue your life, and if you couldn't then you're dead.

even if you have survived, good luck on finding your way out of the building...alive, because nothing is as simple as it seems.

i know i have odd choices when coming to explaining something, but it is the only way to explain easy enough for you to be on the same page as what i'm trying to say, The Saw movie has the horror, fear, distortion, courage, strategy, plans, hidden agenda, of life.

let me ask you, do you confront a friend that you feel that they are a jealous friend?

did that make sense?... probably not.

here i go again, you feel like one of your friends is giving a jealous vibe when you are closer or you want to hang out with another friend... and also the other friend(s) notice or feels that vibe and is uncomfortable/creeped out by it, do you confront the friend that is giving the vibe?

i'm not even sure if the friend realise they are giving that vibe...

...BLAH

ok, i think i'm calm enough to leave this post now, thank you.

-[pd]-