oh that remines me...

i want to watch "The Killer Inside Me"....i hope it comes out very soon.

it is about "A West Texas deputy sheriff is slowly unmasked as a psychotic killer."

based on a 1952's novel "The Killer Inside Me" by Jim Thompson.

you can check out the back story of it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Killer_Inside_Me

this movie is going to be so intense, i can't wait!!

watch this music video and tell me what movie the plot is from...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPIKNbvMuFg

do you know?

i've been feeling a bit awkward towards people lately, or just for the recent...

even with friends... i think mostly friends.

it's either too much of one another or not enough,

not enough talk or way too much,

i work my best when i am one on one, and i don't think theres enough one on ones to go around...

don't get me wrong, i like groups too, groups can be fun...i like to see all the people i love at one time.

but i feel like, when i am with someone, for whatever reason.. i need to generate an honest and acceptable amount(for myself-to the other person-my personal opinion) of effort/interest/attention to the other person...and they'll give back the same, they will allow you to understand them better by their comfort level with you.

with groups, it's too busy for me to take full part... not unless i become intoxicated and then i'm just obnoxious, and then it's all about me. and i'm pretty sure other people feel the same, it's too busy for them as well to take full part in it all... so we all sit back and smile at each other while telling random shit stories instead of talking proper conversations.

...anyway i think i got way off track there with the explanations of my feelings.

hm, where was i...

oh, yea... it's been a tad awkward for me to be around people because some are getting on my nerves, some i can't have time with, some thats always around and i don't know, i just.... argh.

i am on a break from seeing people this week, well it started on..um.. thursday? i think..

so two days now, technically three... i feel bad but it feels kind of nice to have me time after so long.... with the whole the kids coming over every single day... and hanging at the same places with the guy that is getting on my nerves because he is EVERYWHERE!! like, he is every-fucking-where... there is no space of mine that he hasn't tried or have been in.... to be honest, i think this whole.... break week.. is from him... i need to breathe. and it's not like i don't want him in my life, but the way he handles things are fucking ridiculously annoying... like if he was my kid, i'd slap him.

with the hang outs... we never go anywhere new, and we don't do anything.. the craze now is play snooker, which i don't like... i go for beer and sightings...

i want to go to the city, i really really seriously miss the city!!!

i miss my city trips with Cooper, i miss Cooper.

she's been busy with two jobs and looking after the house because her sister is out of town...aaannnd i have forgotten how to get to her place.. shame on me,will you punish me? ~_^

i haven't seen nicky in a while as well, just only a random text once in a while, i miss her too...

she has a full household to feed now, also a two job lady.

i miss girls..... girls... GIRLSSSS... i haven't been so active and i think i'm depressed by that...?

i think only bridgette has been my source of girl entertainment...

i need... want new sources of entertainment... girls, games, music, cars... whatever!! well not so much games because i don't have enough patients for games...

oh, on that point... i met this girl in a band that i was recording and the drummer really swept me off my feet, and she isn't usually the type i go for.. like i would be like "pass" if i see her on the streets... but somehow she has got me so caught up it is ridiculous!!

she is a total dyke, a hot looking,well dressed, cute boy face,awesome hair guy... that is a girl.

maybe i just admire her because she is totally awesome like there is no joke.

her drumming turned me on?

excited because there is such a thing as a motherfucking awesomeness person that is so fucking awesome!!

OH!!, my friends gave me THE COMPLETE COLLECTION OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!!!!!!!!!

i'm so excited about it!! can't wait to sink my heart and mind into it!!

..how does dreams happen...

do you think of something way too much that you dream about it too?

i know its the imagination of, what you have seen or heard of, previous events etc... but how does the story write.

does your fantasy write it? do you write it? or does it mash and form itself by the unknown.

i know this bit is stupid but, that was what i was wondering about (without researching yet) while driving today...so don't shot me down for my stupidity, please... i'm your entertainment, why else are you here.

i don't think any of what i have written make any sense because i am just melting into my chair because i am just so exhausted!!! my vision is very poor right now and i am drifting sideways..

...my bed is calling me, but i'm just going to add a few more lines....

i wonder how long i can sit here until i pass out, probably a couple of days...

opps i should be quick and go to sleep before my sleepiness passes and hen i'm just WIDE AWAKE again....for the next 6 or so hours.

and i see heaps of "......" excuse that.. thats where i pause and think before i continues with me thoughts...

not re-reading.. excuse bad typos...

i know i always have typos... excuseeee meee...

yes, i'm just that lazy that i rather just apologise for it and not go fix it...

..BLAH...

NIGHTY NIGHY.. for me.

...and the school holiday is over...

THANK GOD!!!

finally enjoying a peaceful day in this house, and i can actually think properly now.

gosh, frustration...

VAGINA

LMFAO!!!

i hope he's not too young.... because i have a crush!!!

hey, hi, hello...

so i haven't blogged, i feel bad.

but life has been repetitive... ugh, the damn school holiday seasons!!!

wake up(that's if i sleep at all), kids come over... bug me from sun rise to sun set...they go home..

hang out with Shane and Cynthia most days.... or when anyone feels bored...which is most days, we eat, go to kk and play pool.......and check out girls.

everywhere we go, there's kids.... and annoying drivers, almost crashed yesterday... and i did what i usually do, stop right there in the situation and beep them until they can't look at me anymore.

I'm wearing my hat tonight, just thought I'd let you know(oh how I've been missing you dear hat).

was working just about 10 seconds ago... but i need a break.

just thought I'd let you know.

hot days make me angry and not very tolerant... not like i normally am, but I'm more short(er) tempter then i usually am.

i can't fucking wait until the school holidays are over, so the damn kids won't come over everyday and stick to me like magnets... talking-touchy-hungry-bored magnets that seems to break things, i love the kids... but they ain't mine and i need a break, i feel like I'm a single mother of three.. and soon to be four. fml for realz.

i could be a bitch about it and not stay home and look after them, because i don't get anything from anyone.... but the kid's love, i guess that's enough for me.

I'm going to need a mommy's day when i have kids.

mom.... mother...mum...ma.... how do you say it? i usually say mum but I'm starting to use others because my friends use different words and it's rubbing on me, mainly mom and ma.

anyway.

things are the same... just going a tad insane in the house full of kids.

on a lighter note, this guys is cute.... oh and he sings good ;p

omg.....

check this out, a sheep gave birth to a lamb with a human liked face..... and is hairless.

man loves sheep too much?

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sheep-gives-birth-to-human-faced-lamb/story-e6freuy9-1225819071357

i met a girl today, and i got to say that she is one of the most sweetest girls i have met in a very long time...

she is 19, pretty,sweet, very polite and has one of the cutest smiles ever... i was so surprised when she told me she had never been in a relationship before, stunned.

anyway, when i saw her.. i was on it like donky kong...

but after talking to her for a while, i decided to leave it alone because i feel like if i continue then i might do a harm.. so it is up to her if she wants to see me again for coffee or something...

yes, she was just that innocent...(but i don't believe that of course, probably just way too shy....let me show you the way?)

i don't have anything to really blog about...

did boxing for a good solid 3 hours today.......at very slow pace...while perving...

hm.. lets end this here...

the red ipod nano video gen.... is sexy.

last night i set my alarm to wake me at 8am so i could go for a morning stroll....

every half or full hour from then on, i woke to check the time...

8am came around, the alarm set off and all i did was turn it straight off and thought to myself, fuck this i so can't be bothered right now, maybe tomorrow... and back to sleep i went.

2 hours later, here i am suffering from the biggest headache because of my weird pattern of sleep, i hate it when i look forward to something or have something i know i have to do the next day... i will always over think it and never sleep properly or at all.

even with the most simplest task, like going to the post office, or returning a cooking pan.

this is why i don't like plans, plans make me think about it... the further away the planning to the actual event, the more i suffer.

and what if the even doesn't happen? then i have wasted all this suffering for nothing.

i have been having seriously light sleeps lately, and i feel like i drift in and out between what meant to be dreams and my own reality.... i feel like i imagine things when i'm feeling like this, things are right there and then, real.

i feel Bridgette coming on again, no matter how hard she can deny... i can feel it.

but its not just her, i can feel it on my side as well.

maybe we just feel this way because we like the chase of the situation....blah.

hello.... so it's been a while.

i don't remember when the last time i really sat down and wrote something...

so let's start at Christmas.

actually the 18th...

that day was Nicky's birthday, which i couldn't make it to.... bought her presents that stayed at mines til my birthday which was a couple of days ago... she didn't mind, i don't think.

Christmas was 4 days in a row for me, but i spent Christmas eve at Helen's party, getting somewhat wasted...

and the other 3 days were also me being wasted.

my birthday... lasted 5 days...

well, also because of new years....

30th was my birthday, we had it small.. close friends came over and fam....

Helen and Cynthia made me cupcakes spelling "happy bday nhi" which was awesomely cute!! and oh so yummy, which made me forgot about my actual birthday cake so we had that cake on my birthday party part2 when my brother came back on the 2nd...

while in between all that, there was new years... new years eve was spent at shane's party..also me getting wasted, kind of.

someone just kept handing me drinks... and i was busy talking so i just drank without questioning...

thank you Ann and Andrew for walking me home.....safely.

and there was the other intimate birthday dinners with the girls.

and here we are... in the 2010..

i am at a new age and a new year, i wonder how the year is going to turn out... if the saying really is true, then i am going to be somewhat wasted for the rest of the year... and the year will be a joke.

2009 was major epic for me, very drama-matic , very social, lots of pain, lots of laughs and great memories.

ahhh great memories, i hope you don't leave me too soon.

i think that 2009 really helped me discover how i really am, i was most true... every single situation pushed me to let out another personality, another side of me that i wasn't sure of... it ripped me apart then mashed me back together.

2009 started with Sara being back in Sydney(more like December 2008), and i think... i would have to say that Sara was a major part of my 2009, because when i think about it, if she wasn't here then most of my 2009 wouldn't have happened.

cooper went overseas, and that rocked my days because i felt so depended on her because before she left, we talked everyday.. almost every minute actually and she was my emotional rock... but she left and i crashed for a while but i found a way to cope until she came back...

and since she got back she has been working odd hours so we haven't had much time for talk so we just leave each other messages on msn or text.

Nicky and i are ups and downs... we have our blast of a moment then we seem to disappear for a while, but we don't forget about each other... thats a good thing.

our love is strong, we are just busy people............... clash schedule sucks.

I would like to say that i think i have seen Cynthia and Helen more in 2009 than any other year after school, booyah. yummy cupcake club.

Matt past away , and i still haven't gotten over it, i don't think i ever will.

he was a great man to me and the world, he also stabbed the music world to the bone with his awesomeness of a geniusness.

no one can ever replace Matt, not for me, not for the world.

Shane's stepped foot into my world last year as well...

it hasn't been clean with him, probably still mud stains around.

Bridgette was one of the drama-matic-ness, i think she can be the star of it all...

so much commotion when she comes around, between us and from other people...

she is in my life at the moment, and i don't mind.

i feel mellow and too comfortable around her, is that a problem?

(i see you all nodding.. )

ah, and how can i forget about Miss Jane Tran..........

the superstar of my life......

what can i say... we have a complicated relationship.

and i think this space we are having is doing good for the both of us, i miss the girl but space is good right now...

Tilly, i take my hat off to you my darling... keep hanging in there she will show you great love.

as for me... she is like a wife and we are in an open marriage, but she gets pissed at everyone i see.....

soon enough she would be pissed at everyone in the world.

i still love you though Jane... have you cooled down yet? coz i have and i'm ready for you to come back into my days, or nights... day and night, night and day.

work died down since Matt is gone and the girls are trying their best to keep things alive... and they are thinking about recruiting, either for promotions, the inside crew , the managements, the admins, the players, the stage crew, the stars.....

let me know if you are interested...

anyways, off to hand out with cynthia helen and shane....

i miss sara :(

she sounds as great as she looks.