even with friends... i think mostly friends.
it's either too much of one another or not enough,
not enough talk or way too much,
i work my best when i am one on one, and i don't think theres enough one on ones to go around...
don't get me wrong, i like groups too, groups can be fun...i like to see all the people i love at one time.
but i feel like, when i am with someone, for whatever reason.. i need to generate an honest and acceptable amount(for myself-to the other person-my personal opinion) of effort/interest/attention to the other person...and they'll give back the same, they will allow you to understand them better by their comfort level with you.
with groups, it's too busy for me to take full part... not unless i become intoxicated and then i'm just obnoxious, and then it's all about me. and i'm pretty sure other people feel the same, it's too busy for them as well to take full part in it all... so we all sit back and smile at each other while telling random shit stories instead of talking proper conversations.
...anyway i think i got way off track there with the explanations of my feelings.
hm, where was i...
oh, yea... it's been a tad awkward for me to be around people because some are getting on my nerves, some i can't have time with, some thats always around and i don't know, i just.... argh.
i am on a break from seeing people this week, well it started on..um.. thursday? i think..
so two days now, technically three... i feel bad but it feels kind of nice to have me time after so long.... with the whole the kids coming over every single day... and hanging at the same places with the guy that is getting on my nerves because he is EVERYWHERE!! like, he is every-fucking-where... there is no space of mine that he hasn't tried or have been in.... to be honest, i think this whole.... break week.. is from him... i need to breathe. and it's not like i don't want him in my life, but the way he handles things are fucking ridiculously annoying... like if he was my kid, i'd slap him.
with the hang outs... we never go anywhere new, and we don't do anything.. the craze now is play snooker, which i don't like... i go for beer and sightings...
i want to go to the city, i really really seriously miss the city!!!
i miss my city trips with Cooper, i miss Cooper.
she's been busy with two jobs and looking after the house because her sister is out of town...aaannnd i have forgotten how to get to her place.. shame on me,will you punish me? ~_^
i haven't seen nicky in a while as well, just only a random text once in a while, i miss her too...
she has a full household to feed now, also a two job lady.
i miss girls..... girls... GIRLSSSS... i haven't been so active and i think i'm depressed by that...?
i think only bridgette has been my source of girl entertainment...
i need... want new sources of entertainment... girls, games, music, cars... whatever!! well not so much games because i don't have enough patients for games...
oh, on that point... i met this girl in a band that i was recording and the drummer really swept me off my feet, and she isn't usually the type i go for.. like i would be like "pass" if i see her on the streets... but somehow she has got me so caught up it is ridiculous!!
she is a total dyke, a hot looking,well dressed, cute boy face,awesome hair guy... that is a girl.
maybe i just admire her because she is totally awesome like there is no joke.
her drumming turned me on?
excited because there is such a thing as a motherfucking awesomeness person that is so fucking awesome!!
OH!!, my friends gave me THE COMPLETE COLLECTION OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE!!!!!!!!!
i'm so excited about it!! can't wait to sink my heart and mind into it!!
..how does dreams happen...
do you think of something way too much that you dream about it too?
i know its the imagination of, what you have seen or heard of, previous events etc... but how does the story write.
does your fantasy write it? do you write it? or does it mash and form itself by the unknown.
i know this bit is stupid but, that was what i was wondering about (without researching yet) while driving today...so don't shot me down for my stupidity, please... i'm your entertainment, why else are you here.
i don't think any of what i have written make any sense because i am just melting into my chair because i am just so exhausted!!! my vision is very poor right now and i am drifting sideways..
...my bed is calling me, but i'm just going to add a few more lines....
i wonder how long i can sit here until i pass out, probably a couple of days...
opps i should be quick and go to sleep before my sleepiness passes and hen i'm just WIDE AWAKE again....for the next 6 or so hours.
and i see heaps of "......" excuse that.. thats where i pause and think before i continues with me thoughts...
not re-reading.. excuse bad typos...
i know i always have typos... excuseeee meee...
yes, i'm just that lazy that i rather just apologise for it and not go fix it...
..BLAH...
NIGHTY NIGHY.. for me.
