my boys =)

ok, so i'm gonna lay it out like this.

i'm tired of initiating again, and i'm also sick of sitting here waiting around.

but hey, not like my bitching is gonna do anything but relieve my insanity of a stress... and i'll get over it, but thats not an excuse for you to not make an effort.

make a fucking effort or i'm out of here, pretty simple.

i don't know.. since when i stopped doing what i want to do, when i want to do something then i'll fucking do it...

lately its all fucked up blurred in feelings.

fuck feelings.

fuck this frustration,

and lonely.

since when did i need somebody there next to me to do something.

since when did i become so depended on people, that the absent makes me feel so fucked up.

my confidence has been pushed over by my frustration.

.. and since when did i become afraid of dealing with girls.

i have 4 i could be fucking, but no... my feelings are in the way.

fuck you feelings.

i need to get the fuck out of here.

I feel like I've lost myself lately. Everything is blurred. I keep having massive highs and massive lows. My old problem has come back in full force and the only way I can think of making it go away is exercise. and music. and of course massive will power but I don't have that right now. I used to talk about it but when it's like this I can't. People can make things worse very easily. and this means nothing to you

OK, I've thought about it.....

there is this new girl at work, and i am 100% sure that is she interested in me...

Friday was fun...

and now that I thought about it, I'm not going to go through with it...

this is my day to day job... the place I need to go to every single day.

having problems and troubles that I need to avoid is not an ideal way to live..

if this was my more social job like my dj-ing days then I wouldn't even need to put so much effort in thinking about it, I'd just think about where to take her for the next few hours (or a quicky) and i'd jump on that boat like no sweat.

hm....

so what have you guys been up to....

I'm a tad bored with my life... trying to go out and have fun again..trying to fuck with people's minds, bodies and lives again... but i can't find the time.

all that's been on my mind is,
" what am I gonna bring for lunch tomorrow"
"fuck, i don't want to wake up that early"

"crap, its still early and i have to try to sleep..so stupid"

" argh!! why can't it be home time now, i want to go home and sleep"

"why can't i get paid daily"

...and that chick that keeps eyeing me.

its only like.... 8:30pm and i am so damn sleepy thinking about work tomorrow...

ahhhaha... awesome.

i want pizza now

http://www.hotchickseatingpizza.com/

love them boys

sexy

now that i'm aware.... i feel like it's a hunt.

it feels wrong, as wrong as being naked in public.

when i'm aware of something, its hard for me to let go and it drives me completely insane.

my mind is torturing me, every single fucking time.

anyway,

...this song i can't stop listening to...

She found things to do with all of her time but forever had a longing to find her place. That day would come, she just knew it.

.... i'm feeling good right now so i thought i'd tell the world before the feeling fades..

i feel good today.

simple things make me happy...

^_^

i love this gay man.

her name is Tisha,

i'm not sure if i have ever mentioned her here before...but i woke up thinking about her.

she lives in America, but we met when she was here for a holiday.

we had a great time, and we have kept in contact ever since.

she is absolutely gorgeous, funny, caring and cool.

She tried her hardest and still that wasn't good enough for some people. She just wanted to be accepted and didnt understand why her kindness didn't always pay off. Were some people that bitter in life? She'll just keep trying. and every time she starts to panic and her breathing starts to go out of timing she will just remember that she's lucky in life.

i am annoyed...

hey, not like it matters but..

dear friends... WHERE THE FUCK ARE YA??!!

so, i have some free time on my hands...

'she's crying for direction,
lost in her reflection,
all the while pretending she's alive'

i want to move away... not to hide from everything, but i just want to be in another place, have another feel and view of things.

i need something new?

i keep thinking that, if only Matt is still around so i can just easily go to him, just go to him, be under his wings til i'm ok again.

my friend said that i need to fall in love, and as silly as that sound, i think so too.

i need the positivity energy around, i think i need someone there to tell me things will be ok no matter what the situation is... like tell me it will be ok when i plan to go to the beach and it fucking storms, say 'baby its ok, we can stay in and watch a movie today and drink hot chocos =)' .

maybe it's time to stop playing and get serious about my heart, open it up a little more.

saying that is easy, attraction is a bitch.

if i find you on the street and i come up to you, that's probably because i think you lookin fine, and what's on my mind is that i wonder what you'll look like naked on my bed, and not ,hey i wonder how you feel about animal cruelty.

and if you're a friend.... then you are a friend, no matter how i much i want you, i am a friend to you.

on that note, i met someone that seriously reminds me of my friend Sara,

the look, the personality, the laugh.

maybe its the shock, but my mind is totally blown...

..and i'm not sure how or where to set her...

good thing i just met her, it gives me a little time before i have to deal with it... in the mean time... she's cute.

...that was so off track.

i feel bored, i have nothing to do, my brother borrowed my car to work today so i'm stuck at home... ran out of things to eat and watch.

nap?.....

"An intellectual is a man who says a simple thing in a difficult way; an artist is a man who says a difficult thing in a simple way."- Charles Bukowski

stupid fucks.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/05/constance-mcmillen-fake-p_n_525856.html

well this is interesting!!!

http://gawker.com/5510343/looking-at-sick-people-boosts-your-immune-system

maybe i should try it out, i am feeling abit down... whos sick.. come here and let me look at you

I've been thinking about someone i have seen recently and she hasn't left my mind for a minute.

i shouldn't be thinking about her this way, i want her every time she's around... and when she leaves i suffer from withdraw.



----------------------------------------------

on the other side...

i feel like me and a friend is falling apart, it's up to the point where i can't find the effort to try anymore... so it's been quiet and sad.

it feels like we clash more and more each time, so i've been quiet.

i don't know if she notice, does she realise?

----------

hey hey, i hope all of you on break are having a wonderful time.... i finally have a day off from everything and it is so boring.



today has been such a boring and frustrating day so far...



been working my butt off to recover my finance hole i have in my pocket...



so what's been happening besides work?



did i mention Sara was back here in Sydney on the 20th of march? no? oh ok, well she was here and i was glad to see her.



and happy news is that i am NOT getting married to Mr stranger anymore!!!!!!!!!

i am not getting married.....



i am now single and free once again, though i don't have time to go out and play, hm...

will have to make time for that, i'm feeling insane.