Thao asked me today.. that if i was serious about her(and her pregnancy), and if i was still thinking of my ex's specifically Duyen. she asks that because her reasons to believe i still think about them are pretty high.. in other words.. insecurity.. because of the baby and all. i guess i have been pretty distracted lately but still there is no reason for her to.. think this way? the past is the past, and i have said that I'm trying to move on with my life now. she also asked me about Duyen, and who i feel about her, as she asked that i felt uncomfortable and felt that it was a very personal question, almost offended?. does that mean i still feel something for her? i didnt know how to answer Thao so i said i have forgotten her, for the sake of lying and easing her insecurities, please forgive me i dont mean to lie. i also felt myself hesitated alot when she asked me the questions and i guess she saw that, and hasnt letten it down.
i think that why she asked me these questions is because yesturday we bumped into one of my ex and i kinda got pulled away by the moment and i guess i forgotten her for a sec. i havent seen my ex for over 3 years. i do feel bad that i have forgotten her and im sorry but i guess sorry doesnt really do much, as they say " actions speak louder than words". -_-
Thao doesnt know much about me. who i am. who i hang out with. what i do/how i do. my style basically in simple terms.
So what does she see in me?! i dont know. i also asked her that question and why she choose me to be with, she also hesitated. so now i dont know if this relationship is strong enough to stay together. i am falling for her and she knows it and so far she has convinced me thats she is also falling for me. i feel like im doubting.. am i doubting? i cant afford to leave, her family has already accepted me for Thao's decision of me being the 'other mother', but how long can i put up with this?!
Thao's curiousity is driving me crazy, because she makes me think of the things im trying to forget.
Thao also talked to me about moving out. we moving out together( as in me and her living toegther alone) or she moving in with me, or me moving in with her. and she wants me to move in with her then we can move out when her pregnancy is over ( baby born). Thao is a rich girl from a rich family (im not taking advantage) and so that can happen. to me, i just think she is thinking too quickly... moving too fast.. because she is in 2 months now of her pregnancy and we have been together for nearly 2 months and... i dont know how to explain it but she is moving too fast. and i think i might be scared of this fast movement of hers.
and if ur wondering we have talked about all these things to each other already.. i just needed to say things non- directly to her. this blog is like me talking in my mind.. kinda thing.. so if ur reading this, ur reading my mind ~_^ .. lol..
I love her and her growing belly, and i do see that we are different worlds apart. But we support each other, we care about each other and for me, thats about all i need to be happy. she treats me well, and i like that. i work hard to support her, i care about her and she like that.
so although we have issues and problems. beyond that we are happy to what we have and i hope it grows ( as her belly does ~_^).
-[Pd]-
