and my heart is tearing apart...
i don't want to regret all and everything i have said because if i didn't mean it, then i wouldn't have said it.
i may be all smiles and jokes but i'm a huge mess...
i don't want to say that i rely on stranger's company, but that's how i feel like...
i feel like i can do whatever and say whatever when i'm with a stranger because i know that theres a slim chance i will see them again or anything i do matters to them.
i can't lie that i haven't been out and about again to seek that feeling, i haven't been at home like i should.
i feel like, break down point of what i have been doing, and now i feel bad for all the empty promises and lies and misleading-ness of what i say or promise to them because i don't plan on seeing them after the nights... and i just say and do what i can to get to them and leave them hanging. i'm a jerk, i know.
btw.. merry christmas
