hello hello my lovely people.......... i hurt myself today.... my toe was bleeding.. and blood was dripping everywhere and the pain...

ahhahaahh nah wasnt that bad.... just kicked something that stabbed to the side of my toe... and pain? what pain.. im use to the pain... more of an adrenaline rush...
anyways...

i was talking to a friend of mine... and we were searching online (westfields) for a dress and footwear for me.... and i think i have an idea on what i want... lol...
gosh.. a full 2 hours of being girly... "oh thats so pretty" " oh no that doesnt suit"... hhahaha....
now i need to find the money to be girly... hm..... damn..... it costs too much to be girly...

hm...

i started playing the song " love in this club" by usher...( or whatever its called) and im really liking the accoustic version better then the original one... also like the other version too...

oooOOoo im watchinf dexter right now..... and they said something cool.. lol... " everyone had a big bad wolf inside, i accepted it is there... i make friends with it and let it out for a big meal once in a while"... ahhahahah awesome....
thats kinda how i feel.... or what i do...

gosh.. all this thoughts about dresses and such.. is making me crave a girl... lol... a girl in a nice sexy silky dress... and a pair of heels.......
ahhahahha...... hm.... maybe i should stop.
getting too much naughty thoughts in my head...

um, wow this ep of dexter is really good!!..... ahhahaha...

hm.. my mood is... quite good at the moment... i hope the feeling stays for a while... *GRINS*

well anywhos... yea.. thats all i have to say for this one...

cheers.

-[Pd]-

hm.. lets write a song.....


oh tonight i'm feeling fine
i'm alone just wasting time
no saturday nights or romantic candle lights

i'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all i hear are angels crying
oh, wont they sing instead?

it would be wrong for me to say

i dont need that girl by my side
i dont need that girl in my life
i dont want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries

i dont want to say shes my kind
i dont want to say that shes mine
i dont want to tell her that i love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

honestly, this wont do
how is she?
i tell myself im feeling swell
but i know im such a fool
i'll just take it as a new beginning
but you know i dont feel that way
who will take all this pain away?

i know its wrong for me to say

i dont need that girl by my side
i dont need that girl in my life
i dont want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries

i dont want to say shes my kind
i dont want to say that shes mine
i dont want to tell her that i love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

talk about a sin
was the day i walked into the other side
i would run back in
i wouldnt waste no time

i know its wrong for me to say

i dont need that girl by my side
i dont need that girl in my life
i dont want to talk it out
or hold her when she cries

i dont want to say shes my kind
i dont want to say that shes mine
i dont want to tell her that i love her more than life
more than life, love her more than life

Lets write another.....

whats going on
i still see the frown in your face
its so out of place
all you can remember
is how you felt the other day
you let the small things in your way

but you know that will just keep you down
loosen up your grip, and drop it on the ground

Love, love, love, love ,love
its all you need
its everything
to keep it all together
Love, love, love, love,love
it perserves
it always steer
to keep you in the right direction

left here undiscovered
i want to share this gold
with people of the world
abundantly filling
every single heart
and heres the best part

you know that love never brings you down
let it all out, and shout it all around that

Love love love love love
its all you need
its everything
to keep it all together
love love love love love
it perseveres
it always steer
to keep you in the right direction

let me tell you something here today
living life here on the rough terrain
you can lose hope, you can get lost
but you are not that far apart from

LOVE.


cheers hehehe...
-[Pd]-

TODAY IS A pretty ok day... lol...
um... ok so woke up about 12:30 today ahhhah, see i told u yesterday that i was really tired...
so anyways... emailed Nicky for abit... and i told her my neighbour is going to move away and she got excited and wants to check out the place... so took care of that situation for her ... wow.. having the thought of her moving right next door makes me feel so giddy!! yet abit not giddy at the same time...

and then played some music for a few hours..... and then went to woolies (woolworth) (ahhaha did u know theres a store called duckworth? its a stationary store) bought some stuff... and then bought like 20 cases of 30 can VB beers ( so whats that 600 cans?).. ahahhaha... what a work out i was doing... they got so heavy after a while ahhaha... and after that... i remember why i like to stay healthy and strong... and if you didnt catch why i said that... its so i can do things for myself... like carry 20 cases of beer ahhahaha...

hm, i had something to talk about but i forgot now......
um
um
um

... lol, i keep seeing the 90210 ad on tv... and one of the girls , the one in the dark purple dress, the one that winks... lol... shes so hot.. lol... the darkness kinda hot..

i feel hungry.... im still craving that kebab... and ginger beer.... maybe add some chicken nuggets or chicken chips as well ahhahaha..... gosh i sound like a big eater.... my friends and family say i dont eat much..... and i say i eat fine!! thank you very much. i just drink alot of water.... lol..

lately i've been thinking about guys... ahhahaha
well more of Matt, he is such a caring, cool, talented, funny and sexy guy...
and he has been my buddying mate for years and years...
last week, when he came back from LA... he said that he think he is in love with me, and im not sure how to take that. i mean like, i do love him.... always and forever.... but im not sure if for us to be bf gf relationship would be such a great thing for us... i think it would probably take away the careless comfortableness bond of ours... because when im with him, i love it when im with him, i feel comfortable, we flirt lol but then we flirt with other people too.. and we have fun, and i feel protected by him because he is my man...
but when im not with him, i chase other people... like girls... i cant control myself around girls...
but i dont know... thats just me...

well anyways... im feeling abit sad now....so im going to end it here..

-[Pd]-

i'm baaaaaccck , and i have something to talk about.

i was just at coles... and of course i push trolleys at the supermarket...
and i know in a supermarket... people like to browse and look around and see all the pretty useful products.... well anyways.. my point is that... for the people that walks and stands in the middle of the way, i dont like you... and when you over take me just to slow down or stop in front of me... i dont like you then either!!!... even if your hot..... i still wouldnt like you..... i'll stare abit.. but i wont like you...
you people are lucky that im a polite person, and not yell or bump you.
grr..

BUT THEN....

i like going to the supermarkets.... always have good looking people around...

anywho.. thats all i got... ahhehehh... i was excited that i had something to say.. so there it is....

-[Pd]-

hello hello, im feeling abit sleepy you guys, so im going to write up something now incase i forget and run along to sleep.
not unless a friend is in need of a talk, which i have a feeling will happen..

spent most of the day with a friend of mine, it was nice catching up again...

um, wow, im so exhausted i really cant think right now.... but i'll just sit here and something is order to come out...

hm...


um...

oh, i really like the green apple smell from air fresheners, it gives me a nice and happy feeling... hahhaha...... and get me a little bit high too, because i keep smelling them.
i have a green apple head on my table that i love smelling ahhah it calms me down and chills me out.

oh i give up.... at least i said something hehehe....
i'm going to jet... watch alil tv.. wait for that friend to see fi shes alright.... then sleep... hopfully i dont fall asleep waiting...

-[Pd]-

( *shocked and laughing* my key says "DEXTER" on it.. ahhaha)

hm, i dont see the last post i published.. hm.. anywho...

my keyboard is really stuffed and really hard to type with... im typing slowly so i can smash the keys with my weak weak fingers. sounds fun doesnt it?, it reminds me of when i was younger and my house had those type writers... where you need to press down real hard so it'll hit the ink and print the letter on the paper...

um, i was out this morning...
i felt really.... and i mean REALLY giddy around good looking people... i almost looked very pathetically and pervertically creepy. stuttered abit too, blah.
and thats just being around my local area, think what i would be like if i was in the city... probably end up with a heart attack.
anyways, went home because got things done and simply could not take the uncontrollable giddy-ness anymore, so i went home where it is safe from good looking people?

washed my doggy today... shes so cute, and i love the fact that she got use to baths now... and not so fussy like my last doggy...

i feel like such a shithead towards "Tina", and of course i'll tell you why, it is because she wants to continue our some sort of a relationship... and i dont. i mean, i do like her... but shes not here, she moved away voluntary, she did offer to stay but still i said no because i didnt want to hurt or disappoint her if i dont turn out to be right for her, because it is a big deal moving interstate... not like i can pop into a car and get to her within less than an hours time, but then again thats not the point.. the point is that i cant keep the bond strong if shes not with me, i think i would just be sad during the relationship because i wouldnt be able to see her and to be with her... and that just sucks... i would rather leave it now when the feelings are still on the low.
and im not so sure we could be one of close friends either, because i like her and that would stand in the way of us being friends and or me moving on if im still attached to her... even though nothings happening.
and proof of that point is from well from all my post show that i have that problem.

um...

i have to go shopping for a dress..... i never thought i'd say that EVER... but i have said that now three times.... once for my year 12 formal, and then a normal casual dress.. which i cant find anymore... and now i need to get another one..... and some fancy footwear... probably need a hair cut too... a trim.

i will be spending time with a good friend of mine tomorrow and looking forward to it!! OH!!!... i said "tomorrow" .... i get so confused when people use the word "tomorrow" after midnight..... i dont know what tomorrow means at that point.. because different people use it differently...
like for example, right now is Wednesday... and after midnight tonight.. some people call it Thursday so when they use "tomorrow" they mean Friday... and that just confuses the crap out of my.... not to mention im sleepy and tired by midnight and i would have to think about it too... and to me.. personally.. if i havent slept... its not another day yet.. until the sun rises... so if you so happen to be talking to me late at night... please use the name of the days... *cheers*

hm... im watching alil tv now... probably til i decide to sleep... would be like, probably about 6 or 7 hours later lol... drinking tea.... and strawberry milk, separately.

OH, ahahah i heard something on the news last night and they said australia in " man - drought" and i thought to myself... is that the reason why im gay? lol.. coz i cant find a guy? and there's girls EVERYWHERE?....
nah, just random thought.... thats not why i like girls.... my interest in girls came naturally...

um... um.... wow.. looks like enough for tonight.. hehehe...... will mumble on tomorrow night... ciao now..

-[Pd]-

hello hello

so, today.... i just laid around the house not doing much... occasionally picked up my guitar to jam. also did alot of thinking..... random thinking...

OH!!!.... akkeke i was playing with a baby today too... my nephew actually... (my cousin's kid) he is about 2 months now and he is so cute... i love the baby smell...
reminded me of Thao's baby.... i miss them some much....

last night i was chatting to a friend of mine.... and we both kinda just exploded with girl issues.... like she was talking about how much she is hooked on this girl and how frustrated she is and how much she wants to let go but cant... sort of thing.... and i also did it too..... i wasnt going to, but i cracked and exploded with myside of the love forest of mine... i never realised how deep i feel about or for people, i was never a one to open up and let people so into my life, and now that i have.... i realise how much feelings hurt.... how much i can be messed and off track i can be.
so i kinda just stayed awake...... thinking and missing people and things and moments..... everything really. i feel so emo? lol.. nah not really.. just down...


im craving a good big kebab and a good cold ginger beer.... ahhahaha i have been eating good and healthy!!
im always good and healthy if when theres someone im trying to impress ahhhaha.... but shes gone now.... and the other hasnt been around for a while....
so.... does this mean... junk food again?..... probably... if no ones looking... ahhaha

um, my mind is so heavy with thoughts and feelings right now... but i have no idea how to explain it all out....
im full of heaviness.....

-[Pd]-

sitting inside my head - supergroove

I walk around this town as buildings close and windows are boarded
I think about you
When I hear a door slam in the wind
and the glass on the mat says welcome
I think about you

Sitting inside my head, Laughing at what I said
Come on baby let's have another toast
You might think I'm dense, laughing at my expense
Fill the cup let's wash away the ghost

In this ghost town where we live there's a wanted poster of you on every corner
She keeps asking me 'who's that' and 'what's her name?'
But I choke on every letter, as the glass flies off the table
I keep telling her I ain't the one to blame

Sitting inside my head, Laughing at what I said
Come on baby let's have another toast
You might think I'm dense, laughing at my expense
Fill the cup let's wash away the ghost

I left when I was gone, I didn't feel a thing
I didn't think you'd haunt me this long after
But the buildings crumble down, as I run from the town
I hear you breathe and I listen to your laughter

Sitting inside my head, Laughing at what I said
Come on baby let's have another toast
You might think I'm dense, laughing at my expense
Fill the cup let's wash away the ghost
I walk around this town as buildings close and windows are boarded

I think about you
When I hear a door slam in the wind and the glass on the mat says Welcome
I think about you

(watching the break up on tv)

um...... today, today...
i worked out some guitar tabs for business of misery by paramore..... yea i was tempted to just look it up... but i felt like doing something myself today...

(sorry, was finishing the movie.... although you wouldnt have known that, just felt like saying it ahhaha)

anywho.. yea.. not much to say at the moment.. im just thinking about some things....

so yea... have a good one...

-[Pd]-

(watching dexter and eating chocolate)

um, i like watching Dexter... alot of people said that Dexter and i relate... which interests me to watch it even more, to find out how.. and now i can see why they say i can relate to Dexter...

chocolate, getting in the way or being in between a chocolate craved girl and a block of pure chocolate is damn scary!!! but kinda funny... ahhhaha.... and somewhat sexy.... because of the intensity and aggression...

wellp i continued to work on my songs today and its sounding pretty good. Right after i sent "Tina" to the airport... im going to miss that girl... i really honestly felt the was something great going for us. but all is good... will keep in contact...

(gosh i cant finish this chocolate.... "fun size", fun my ass... )

i was chatting to one of my friends and she was telling me how much she is struggling with her life right now... and i just felt really bad for her, because i have always seen her as a strong person that holds herself very well, and to see someone that strong break down just spins me off track. i wish i could help her abit more then just listening, i just want to take her in a take care of her... and tell her things will brighten up.

OH!!!..... i ahhaha randomly research things nearly everyday... and todays subject is cannibalism, and i was reading info and such... and i came across a video clip that 6o minutes has done, they did an interview with a cannibal guy and they asked " what does it tastes like" and the guy response was " it doesnt taste like chicken, and it doesnt taste like pork, it tastes like horse meat." and im sitting here thinking... gee thanks for the description... am i generally suppose to know what fucking HORSE meat tastes like??!! like come on, at least combine general meat toegther to make a more general idea for normal people to understand.. or say more chewy? or tough? or soft?... and i also wondered if he ate a horse...

a very sweet and young high school friend of mine, pop out of the blue to say hi to me online... and she is very sweet, kinda just talked about old times when her and i use to walk to a from school together and would have just completely fun a random conversations and moments... very sweet for her to miss me. i should go and visit her at school, probably go this week.. since im free.

oh, i would like to mention a few bands thats awesomely working my world right now...

1. Shiny Toy Guns - the shinys, they are a indie, electro, rock. and they are awesome, work from every angle, and they have recently released a new album/single called Ricochet, the sound for that song is heavy but still on track with their style. so check that out ( and i really love Carah Faye... i heard shes absent from the band.. i feel very sad by that!!).

2. Uh huh her - is also indie, electro. the band has one of the actor in the L word (Leisha plays Alice) ... and yea.. funky stuff... check them out too...

3. MUSE - now... muse has always rocked my world... definatly check them out.

4. Tegan and Sara - aw my lovely girls.... quirkingly beautiful and creative and constantly always on my playlist.

5.Killola - is a new band that i just discovered today actually... and liking their sound so i just wanted to mention them.

6. Jason Mraz - loving his style too.. especially with "i'm yours" and "Lucky"... very beautiful and cute songs.

7. Goodnight Nurse - awesome new zealand band i saw with a friend of mine at a concert of The Getaway Plan, especially caught my attention with their cover of "milkshake" of kelis, and honor applauds to how they can control their crowd and make it so fun!!.

8. Kina Grannis - i discovered her on youtube, i mentioned her i think in my last post, or the one before that...

9. hm.. no 9... lol... ran out for now.....

but they all good.... music. support great music..... support your local bands... go out and go to local gigs.... always a fun way to spend your evenings.

dont believe in the sex sells with music... sex only helps sell shit music!!.

oh, the olympic just ended..... first time i actually watched it... and i quite enjoyed it.. especially the basketball... cheers to that.

i've been really missing Nicky heaps... and havent seen her for a while... so hopefully i get to see her soon... and also invited her to my cousin's wedding coming up in about a months time... and i hope she wont be busy and is sure to come... and i also havent been so active on contacts with people, i just feel like i dont want to be always the first to contact anymore, i think i just lost the effort, because there is no use if its just me that wants to keep a good bond... i need to be met half way or at least somewhere to half way.

ok, thats it for me now...

Cheers,

-[Pd]-

ok, so.... today.

well, i didnt get up to much today... just did some guitar exercises and now my fingers are heck tired... so i dont think i'll say much for this one.. just wanted to pop in because i said i would post something whenever i have free time...

OH!!! quick shout-out to Kain, Lilly, Peter, Mandy annnnnnd Julia... THANKS FOR COMING UP TO SAY HI at my gig... i never knew anyone besides my friends would read my blog here... OR knew to link my blog here to actual me in real life... even though i dont know you, thanks for saying hi!!!... very friendly people. Much Love!!( yea... i had a freak out thought like "HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A BLOG??!!!)

after that happened... i feel abit suprised... that people take my randomness so seriously and would link it to their lives... and actually be inspired by my thoughts. i thought it was just me that feels the way i do... but hey.. a small fan club is awesomely fine by me *cheers*!!.

And im sorry... i havent figured out how to post up my songs... but im working on it... well i could always post on my myspace page... that reminds me, i should make a proper myspace page... my current one is abit general... and full of the L word... ahhaha yes i am a big fan.
and probabaly add like a chat box or message board on here ( because , Julia... thats a good idea... ) but shouldnt i make a proper site? and put all these things there?...

anywhos... my fingers feel like its going to fall asleep... so i'll end it here... just wanted to say thanks to those friendly people!!!

relax...

-[Pd]-

well hi there....

how was your day?

i had a pretty ok day today... actually it was pretty good... despite the weather.
i took some time off work today so i could stay home and just... stay home? ahhaha felt bored after half the day so i decided to at least try and finish all or some of the songs i have begun to write, and i managed to finish one...!! which is pretty great ahhaha.. i feel proud, almost.. well anyways...

i youtube-d today.... again... and found heaps of great singer-song writers, but one captured my full attention and funny enough, my heart too... her name is Kina Grannis, her songs and her voice is, just so amazing for me to find words for... so just watch her and you'll know how i feel...

um... remember i spoken about "Tina"... well shes moving to Adelaide tomorrow...
so i guess her and i have come to an end... because i doubt i can hold a distance relationship... i need contact... i sound needy, but its true, i do need contact if im going to be in a relationship with anyone, and dont tell me you dont agree or dont feel the same too... relationships need contact and communication, at least one way or another... and i need physical contact or have them close by... not like i dont trust them.... but for the insecurity of me, i need them close...
so, i dont know what that means for the future of my heart... probably meet someone soon... or i think i need to work out some issues i have with someone that i keep thinking about first... OR impulse?... hm, impulse is tempting me, feeling abit naughty now... hhahhaha....

i just ate some pizza, now feeling alil sick... for the people living around my area.. do you agree with me that Canley vale's pizza hut is becoming really bad? like the service and the food... its just really bad now... and the people that serves you are so freaking snobby i feel like slapping them!!!... but the thing is.. i recognise them .. like most of them are from my high school i use to go too.. and stuffs lol.. so im like... in my head " your lucky i know u from somewhere else i would hit u in the face!!" every time im in there... i sound slack and mean... but its true... very bad bad people...

i was working at the CAT last night... and this guy came up to me and would not stop talking... i never knew a straight guy can talk that much... i mean like... i didnt ask him if he was straight, but he looks very blokey.. rough and tough... pretty good looking too, kinda like how i like my men.. ahhahah, but then he kept talking and that threw me off, heck i didnt even get a chance to talk...
hm, i dont know why but i rather a girl that talks alot than a guy that talks alot... well i guess because of what thay say.. because when girls talk, they random talk heaps and have little cute thinking moments... like silly questions and that can be cute... and when guys talks heaps... it just seems like kinda lame? and also guy's randomness cant expand much as girls can... so you would be listening to the same thing for almost all the time... like the guy at CATs... (hey man.. note to you... find more things to talk about... or talk less and let the girl put a few words in... girls dont like to listen to too much of the same crap!!!) i wonder if he get laid... ahhaha ... or if he talks while getting laid... nah i shouldnt make fun of him... he seems like a nice guy...

damn its so cold... i think this year is like the coldest year i have ever experienced... either that or im not wearing enough warm clothes... ahhaha....
i feel like holding or hugging someone .... all snuggled up... sharing bodyheat... or even creating heat.. ahha if you know what i mean *winks*

anywho... enough randomness for this one...

stay warm people!!!...

-[Pd]-

finally fixed my computer..... finally fixed my computer!!.. well technically my brother did..... i spent like 20 something hours being technical... my brain is actually hurting and at the same time thinking how much i hated IT in high school because the stupid teacher didnt teach anything...

anywhos...... now that my computer is fixed and fine.... i'll be internet active again. yay.
my phone is still being alil shit tho..... still have no credits to contact anyone as well...

(drinking milk-tea.. or.. white tea, or tea and milk.. as some people call it)
(and watching law and order)

well, i think thats it for me tonight..... or for now... i dont know, i might pop on a little later on.

peace yah!!!

-[Pd]-

(watching "house")

ok, so have been having problems with my computer, and only finally gotten it to work... so im going to quickly post something...

yesterday i went fishing with my brother, also went again today... two long days but a good one, got to relax and connect with bro, he told me i talked too much at one point... but then he was too... ahahah...
location for yesterday was our usual place down in lansvale... but today... we went to like a picnic area which was pretty... and at first i knew the place looked familiar but thought, probably because all the picnic areas look the same, so i sat there enjoying the like cool breeze and the light sun, just relaxing... then i remembered why i thought i knew the place, it is because i have indeed been there before and what happened there was a sexual encounter... (yea, sex again...i should have one of those click counters and count how many times i talk about or mention sex... ahhah)
so yea... we caught some fishes which became our dinner... was good.

um, i have been very giddy with my handycam... kinda wish i have something good to tape... might do a short film... might be fun, its fun thinking of it... something intense... maybe with vampires or something, should call up natalie..
hey nat... if u wanna.... call me yea? ahhahaha.... it'll be hot, you get to play with blood!!!

gee, was in the car listening to the radio and i heard " take me on the floor" i think its called, by the veronicas... and i feel alittle baffled by that song... did you know that the mum helped them with that song?... i had a "wtf" moment when i heard that... felt shocked.

(watching basketball, australia vs usa)

i feel like playing sports.... basketball to be more specific... or soocer... i miss playing them, havent played neither for about maybe 3 years? wow, long time..

i was thinking of going to america for about a year, next year for work plus play... location would be in LA....... yes, thats right... hollywood. i hope i get some star sighting... and hoping i would meet the cast of the L word and carah faye from shiny toy guns so i could get them to sign on me and get the all tattooed!!!
was standing outside a body art store... so tempted to just go in and feel some good pain... ahhaha with the piercings and tatts... but then i reckon i would regret it because i wont be satisfied with the designs.. coz i want the signatures!!...

i anywho, am going to jet off... feels like the computer is going to shut on me again... thanks to this "save now" tool on the blogger, saves as i write... cheers blogger!!!

take care...

-[Pd]-

(watching A Knights Tale on tv)



so, since i've been having quite abit of time on my hands... i'd thought i'd blog as much as possible...

so, i'm just relaxing at home watching tv and implusing the net.
( oh that prince/king guy is so hot.... such a hero, comes in a saves the day.. ahhahaha sorry .. random)

um.... so.. let me see what to talk about...
well i major upgraded my computer today... took about half of my day... but it was worth it, now i can work super fast!!! YAY... lol....

so, with work... um.. its been very slow and stressing and messy .... but thats what makes you enjoy the good right?... hanging in there and trying a new sound...

(wow, this is such a good movie!!!)

i met a girl this morning while i was getting coffee, very cute, very kind.. i wish i could have been more , more um... awake? i guess she wanted some chat but i was an idiot and brushed it off... lost an encounter, but in a good way... because i do have my plate pretty full... now thinking about it, i felt like i wanted to jump her (jump is a word i use instead of fuck, sex, hump? u know, sexual stuff) right there at the cafe...
yeah.. i know what your probably thinking.... gee am i that horny like that all the time?... honestly i dont have an answer for that.... it happens when it happens... how do you predict such feeling... like i didnt know i was gonna encounter a very cute girl this morning... see, you never know.

OH, been getting bored heaps.. so i been youtubing heaps... i found an addiction on youtube, its a girl ( yea i know... always talking girls...) and she posts up vblogs, shes very funny because she takes out everyday things that happen(mainly randomness) to her or what she thinks about and talks about it on youtube BUt the clever thing is she does skits also, so its like actually showing you an example on what she is talking about. i enjoy watching her talk, heaps. i can probably listen to her talk to me all day everyday...

oh wow... its 12 something, didnt realise the time... need to work in a couple of hours... or maybe not... nah i should, been too slack to my co-workers. SORRY GUYS AND GIRLS... i will be there soooooon... soon enough anyways

um... what else to say...

nope... thats it...

ahhaha...

stay warm people...

-[Pd]-

feelin talkative

( listening to "Lucky" - by Jason Mraz featuring Colbie Caillat)



so, i just finished talking to a friend of mine, and she got me thinking about alot of things... and now that im thinking, im feeling abit talkative.. so here i go.

recently i mentioned a new lady in my world, well shes been in my world for a while now.... just that i havnt been on here much to mention her properly, her name is (hm, should i name her? ok maybe not.. so lets call her Tina.) Tina, shes a great gal, smart, cute personality, funny and whimpsy like me, caring and must i say shes hot. But i feel like theres something missing between our connection, then i start to wonder what is it.... and everytime i think, i would think of Nicky, and then i would feel a sharp pain in my heart.

now that gets me thinking.
i have been around her for about nearly 4 years.
am i madly in love with her?
or
am i still here, curious about her because i cant have her.
or
am i damn straight obsessed with this pretty lady.

i find her so comforting and gracful, yet i love it when she gets mad/angry. so what does that tell you...
do i love her? or do i love her life.

with all my feelings towards her, either from love, curiousity, or obsession.. whichever it is, its preventing me from letting someone else on my mind and in my heart. i want to let Tina in, maybe time will let her grow in me, but at the same time, my patience is melting short, and come one, we all know a hot girl doesnt stay for long if you dont meet them at least half way... so i'm trying my most hardest to keep her around, i can definatly keep her around for now but emotionally im not around, so i dont think i can stall her for long until she starts going emotional on me and wants more. like my heart. i dont know where my heart is, neither wheres my mind, it's running everywhere.

after all that.. or somewhere in between, i think about the past and the future.
my "past" thoughts included Duyen(remember her?my ex that i oh so loved so much? a few years ago), and my swing times... and in my future, i thought about where posibly my relationship with people can go... who i want to be with, who i probably end up with and will i ever find someone i love without complications? i dunno if that would be humanly posible...
i feel down thinking about that... and just feel how lame and pathetic that i take time to think about all this..... i should be letting it flow and not think so hard about something thats not happening yet...

well enough blah for now.... getting tired... been really sick lately...

ok lastly, i lately have been a total jerk to my friends, and i know i have hurt them and i would like to apologise to them, I'm sorry. i know you all are just being you and worrying about me and trying to be there for me and yea... i'm just not feeling so confident within myself so i'v been feeling heaps insecure with myself and with people... and im having some sort of pyschotic lalas with myself and i didnt wanna pull you lovely people into my pile of shit. because it stinks. so thats why i have been so distance... i am sorry, and i am sorry again... i'm just completely lossing my plot.

especially, i want to say a special sorry to Helen... I'm sorry helen, for last time we talked... forgive me for getting agressive.

-[Pd]-

quick random update

hello there....

sorry i'v been so absent... just alot of things have been happening.. and busy busy busy...

so, first thing i wanna talk about is, well, my recent post.. about words.. i posted that because i find that words can be so abusive when used or misheard... and that often leads to nasty nasty situations..
and for me, i apparently went into a fist fight...

ok um... another thing that has been keeping me busy is working on my music... i have been inside so much poeple look at me and think that i am sick... my skin has not touched the sunlight for the last 2 months... (ok maybe thats a over exaggerated lie, i have been outside... but not for long.. is what i mean), and why have i been working so hard on my music?... in order to succeed of course, expanding overseas... rapidly speaking, its working..

relationship wise... not so great i must say, i've spoken about how i have or have had an addiction, and its hard not get into the habit of things again, i feel like a heavy smoker trying to quit cold turkey style.
trying hard to get over Nicky, but complicated situations pops up and its getting really hard not to seek her.
but overall that, i do have a new lady in my world, playing hard for me to get, but thats fine, the chase for her helps me not linger else where.

i am so broke, investing in heaps of things.. trying to get supporters for work, so my dream of owning my workplace and a house and a car (i am madly in love with the new lancer... coz of the features)would have to hold.

um, what else... oh... and yes.. for the people that keeps asking.... i do wear men or guy's shirts and tops... i just find girls clothes to complicated these days.. with all the strings and lacies and shiny stuffs... and gosh.. the price??!! wtf are they thinking... with a $45 girl top i can buy like 3 guy tops..
anyways...

OH... lol.. almost forgot.... Thao's baby is well and healthy and cute.. and very active for a baby.. i cant even keep up.. i dunno how u mums do it... but my hat comes off to u.


anywhos... i gotta jet back to work....

-[Pd]-

Words are powerful.

We take the things people say to us to heart whether intended to do so or not. Words have ways of sneaking past our defence mechanisms and penetrating deeply into our soul. We might try to disregard or shrug off the things others say to us, yet we find ourselves recalling the hurt, the sting, or the doubt those words stirred up. The words of a friend, neighbour or mere acquaintance can affect us for better or worse. Particularly when someone’s words rub us the wrong way, we need to take these words as light, and we will feel the peace. We will experience the freedom of being released from the hold these words have had on us. Don’t let the words of others inflict unnecessary harm on you. We say things we shouldn’t every day, never realising the mark we leave. And yet, the very thing someone said without thinking can so easily penetrate our hearts forever.

So don't just take someone else's words for it.

-[Pd]-