I have been feeling very suicidal, and i was always taught to speak it out, let it be known as part of the prevention.
They tell me that every month for the last two years.
I ended up more confussed and angry, cried a lot more than when i started to talk to her.
She got pissed.
She got pissed.
At least that is distracting.
I thought telling her, letting her know, be aware would be a better option than telling a stranger. Because i feel like she is someone close and someone i trust and heart somehow. I have never felt so depended on any one as a friend.
I dont know what happened. But i was left more dismantled than how i started. And she got pissed.
she got pissed because i couldnt/dont have a reason, and i really dont, nothing has changed since the last month.
"You can't just say shit like that"
Is what she said to me, i felt like she thinks im joking.
It didnt make me feel good. I felt like shit.
i am serious, i never joke about this because i have attempted before.if i wasnt serious then i wouldnt have said anything and treat it as another mood fit.
I called the hotline. The depression and suicide hotline and spoke to a stranger.
I know they dont personally care, but it was nice to talk to someone to calm me down and not yell at me, while im freaking out.
It took a lot for me to speak up and it failed miserably.
I have been off my depression medication for 5 days, and i want to kill myself.
I am out of sleeping medications as well.
I havnt slept for 7 days.
obviously i have calmed down a little bit since, but i still feel it. im just distracted now. Hopefully the distraction stays and the emo goes away.
I found my last sleeping pill, i will take it now and hope for the best.
I dont want to die, my depression just takes a hold of me sometimes. More now than ever though.
I was so close on actually hurting myself yesterday in the kitchen but i was lucky that my nephew came in and i stopped.
I need the medication.
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