It was a very short conversation.
I went out this morning in hope of distractions.
And i stayed in a music store for a very long time, it felt like home. I felt safe there for some reason, maybe it is because Matt and i use to be there all the time.
I felt so safe when he was around...even when he was far away..he would always call, no matter how busy he is, he would call. i miss him so much, so deeply.
I thought about him all day, and of how or what he would say to me if he would still be around,
It made me smile.
I didnt feel angry today.
I got abused today, with a homosexual remark.
But i didnt reach as angry as i would thought or use to be. Maybe i'm getting used to it. It'll never stop.
People will keep hating. I hope she felt good about herself today and get hit by a bus tomorrow.
I called my doctor, and he put me right back on medication. I am currently high on meds. Glory.
I still feel alone, and lost.
Just, more calm.
I want to talk to my friend again but im scared.
I am terrified. I miss her so much, i hope she knows. I havent seen her for about 2 weeks and havent spoken to her properly too...
I dont want to bother her, i dont feel like i am good enough to bother people.
Maybe thats my problem, that i can be too shy to ask..
Not shy... but coward.
It took me 3 days for me to let someone know that im extremely upset, and it didnt even end well.
I do feel a lot of different feelings during a day without notice.. without reason.
And that just ruins everything in front of me.
I feel so ashame towards my friend now.
I miss her.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
