there's something about the way your hair fall in your face, i love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase, you show me where to go, though i might leave to find, I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hands behind it, and if you want love, we'll make it... swim in the deep sea of blankets... take all your big plans and break em... this is bound to be a while.... your body is a wonderland... your body is a wonderland, I'll use my hands... your body is a wonderland....
damn baby, you frustrate me... i know your mine oh mine all mine... but you look so good it hurts sometimes...
oh sorry.. was i singing?...
i just love that song.
just perfect.
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people are picking me apart..... i feel like a piece of bread being fed to birds.....
or
am i just not in control anymore....
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my mind is so stressed.....
my ex bf... my mate.... my buddy... Matt... is having some sort of.... jealous-fit?
Matt is having a problem with me... having hypes (getting excited-happy-high) for other people...
i don't clearly know how to explain... I'm not even sure whats going on...
actually.. i wont try to explain it now... til i understand...
all it is right now is... i don't like the way he assumes me, it makes me sad and it really hurts me that he feels like he cant trust what i say about my feelings.
i would like to think that i am a pretty straight forward person, and i believe in what i say, or else i wont say anything at all. and if you are someone that knows me(or follow my blog)... you would probably agree with me...
I'm trying to have some cooling off period before heading in again.
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who makes you happy....
how and why do they make you happy...
what happens when they make you cry...
what happens if one day they suddenly walk out of your life?
suddenly not there anymore...
.....................................//
I'm just sitting here thinking,
i feel like crying...
i feel lost,
confused.
i can't seem to understand or figure things out...
i think I'm loosing myself, my control, my mind, my heart.
i see things.... i hear things... but i can't seem to process anything...
...maybe I've changed.
Fragile.
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how longer can you stand beside me...
...listening to me
... holding my hand
... telling me that everything is going to be alright
...telling me everything is ok
will you feel my heart beat?
... if you don't feel my heart beat, how do i know it's still beating...
so how longer can you stand beside me, feeling my heart beat...
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funny thing, i feel like how i was last year. i had the almost exact same emotional rollercoaster as i am having now.... with everything...
friends... relationships... family...
maybe the situations means something really deep, if it keep being brought up and happening over and over again...
or I'm just simply not over them yet... i haven't or can't let go.... i push them down and now they have pressured to rise...
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to be totally random.... i started to think about people.... and then i started to think about high school,
in my grade... there was two odd individual girls that just seem to keep to themselves day in and day out... OR... people didn't seem to care for them much so they didn't have a chance to fit in anywhere.
i wonder how they are... where they are, what they are doing...
i hope they made great friends and enjoying their lives now in the outer world of high school..
to be honest, i did find them to be odd.... i did try many times to talk to them and such.. but i just cant find the bond... but during the time in between... i do find them intelligently fasinating- of course in their own way... but they became odd again after a while..
but i really hope them well... they are nice people....
so either they turn out to be really smart.. and become one that makes a change to this world of ours... or high school and the social bitch got to them... and u know... bad shit happens. god forbid nothing happens.
.... like i have said before many times.. high school was not the greatest time of my life, but i don't regret it.. i have learnt who i am... i learnt the bitches and jerks of the world and how to defend myself against them(by ignoring them and not give a shit because they don't know what its like to live my life- or kicking the shit out of them)... and i have found true(for the rest of them, they can just bugger off) people, my friends.
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how do little kids.... know how to be....
i noticed.... babies... can identify their own gender.... by the toys or clothes or even the colour...
i noticed with all my nieces and nephews... they will always choose their own gender's toy/colour/clothes... and it amazes me... and you can't trick them either.
anyways...
yea.. how do you know how to be.... and when do you realise who you are...
I'm starting to doubt parts of myself.
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wow.. 3am....
..//
-[Pd]-
