why can't people just do what you ask......





-______-"



my brother has the only manual car in the family... and he parked it on the entrance of the driveway... and he is going out with mates and is leaving his car at home....



so i asked him to move it into the yard.....



" can you please move your car in so people could get out later?"

" why.. dad can move it later... where you going.. who's gonna be going somewhere"..

"what if mum or i want to go out later"

" tell dad to move it..."

"he is going to be drinking later.... he won't be able to move it.."

" no, just tell him to move it.. I'm going now"



and he left.





JUST MOVE YOUR FUCKING CAR!!!!

WHY CAN'T YOU MOVE YOUR STUPID MANUAL CAR WHEN YOUR STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO IT??!!!!!





now I'm stuck at home... i can't get the car out... maybe I'll just put the car on "R" and push it onto the middle of the road.... yea? sounds good. (lucky for you , i don't have the keys.)



... i need to get out... i can't stand the thought of being stuck... i get edgy when it happens.

as you can see there....



stupid lazy people makes it harder for everyone else... (or but then.. i always see technology these days are like for average lazy people.. everything is made easy... - OK. also for the purpose of time... but everything now.. allows people to get/be lazy...)



my lazy arse brother makes it harder for me, he makes me aggressive because he never does what i ask... nor answer when anyone in the family ask him something...



i think one of us needs a good slapping.



either i need more patients (which clearly i am running out of) or he needs to step much a bit( OR HEAPS!!!).









i feel needy.. I'm pretty sure it shows(I'm sorry to the friends that i have been buggin).

I'm trying to back off from people now(just a bit, or more)... I'm not quite sure how to handle myself lately, I don't know how to moderate myself to apply to the people around me...

too much of me..... too less of me.... hm.. you tell me.



but at the same time, I am trying to seek some comfort... I don't feel like i am stabled right now and so i am seeking help/comfort... in case i happen to do something I'd regret. like hurting me or someone else... emotionally or physically... either way.. it's disfigurements - and i don't want that.



so now I'm not sure how to present myself... how to ask for or seek help/comfort... or just to seek someone that would stop me if they feel like I am going to do something wrong.



rights & wrongs...

... how would they know....

...how would i know...



how do i know if its a wrong or right for the distance future or for the near.. or now...



how would they know if I'm going to do something....

they can't monitor me 24/7... shit son, even I can't monitor myself 24/7.





so how do i know.... so how would they know...



does anyone know I'm in the state in the first place???!!!



i found out a bit late i say.



how do i seek help/comfort.... where i do begin..? who do i go to...?



friends....



family...



family isn't a place i want to go...
first reason is because they don't know my life... - my true life.
my mind, my sexuality, what i want.. what i need.. what i don't like etc...
so i can't just ask for help without explaining myself...



friends... are unpredictable.... like the weather can be.



i do have close friends that i do turn to sometimes.. but i do feel like i am too needy towards them when i feel unstable...
and i feel bad because i feel like i am getting in their way...


most of the time, i don't feel comfortable asking people for help....
(this does not include asking for directions and etc, just the emotional state of mind.)



maybe that's the problem...



i don't make myself open enough for people to help me.. or know what is going on, but then again.. this is what the point of my blog is.. to speak my mind... my heart... to speak about me, from me... my view...
i spend hours typing up a blog post... i don't think anyone can tolerate my lag..

with that said... i think that's probably why i usually don't like falling for friends... especially close/best friends... i don't allow myself to date close friends, because what happens when it ends badly and they are just gone... who will you turn to..? or what happens if they have upset you, who do you turn to..?

i don't like to have to explain myself repeatedly when something upsets me...
most of the time is because i don't understand the situation in the first place...
and maybe because I'm moody...


...

-[Pd]-