i just woke up... not so long ago....

and since i woke up... til now... i have this feeling of nervousness as if i am waiting for something or someone...
its so bad, its causing me to vomit...
i dont know what it is i am nervous about.


i still havent spoken to the four people i had arguments with the other day....
i feel guilty.... for driving those four people away.... they are close people as well...
i want to beg for apology..... not just ask, but BEG for it.... because im just one that has to ask for apology everytime... i cant, not ask for it? even though its not my wrong....
but this time i think i should leave it.. because the sake of the arguments and avoiding it coming up again... i cant handle it everytime the same argument comes up, the tension builds and it turns into nagging.... and i get really argo....
but hm..... i'd probably have to give in... like always, i never get to have my say stay.


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my friend and i were talking last night and because of late i have been struggling with relations... i decided to go cold turkey.
i decided and she tried to trick me to un-decided, but so far my head is strong... but im not so sure about it when im around people... i can talk tough all i want at home.. but when im out.. i cant resist....

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anyways.

-[Pd]-