phones been ringing non-stop....

though i haven't picked up any calls either.

i like my ringtone so i don't mind.

i am once again full of drama,

drama,

sigh.

ladies ladies... even some fellas....

be fast like this one.

i am so sick of all these drama...

i can't even have a proper fucking conversation with someone.

anyone.

everyone is so full on.

aaaaarrrggghhhh....

bridgette is back and about,...........

and jane is getting all protective of me.......

i feel a very nasty war erupting.

..what do i do... do i just watch?...

do i step in?.... do i defend?..

been thinking about bridgette a lot lately though, and i do miss her.

eh.

ARGH!! I HATE THIS STUPID TABLE!!! keep ramming my knee into it!!

damn table..its so fucking small, I LIKE IT BIG...(...thats what she said...)

mothafuker.

anywho.

a slightly calmer day today...

did the usual .. went to pick up Jeremy from tutor and saw Helen for a couple of minutes..

finally saw who Jeremy's teacher, Miss Jane was, pretty fine...

i asked Jeremy how she is, and he said " oh, she's nice..and she only gets mad when we make too much noise, like you.. yea, she is sort of like you."

that makes me want to know her, should i?

we'll think about it, if he lets me....

Mia came over and we watched 'bride wars' and then she hung out with the kids for a while until she had to go to work... the kids seem to enjoy her company and thats a good sign to me, yes i do let the kids decide on people some times, so if you're important to me then you my friend, have met the kids.

i just think that theres something about how the kids get along or judge people that i trust about, lets face it, the kids are honest so they let me know what they think about the person.. and the fact that they can comfortably get along with the person also shows that the person is not a bitch.

this isn't just with any kids though... keep in mind.

and i don't just introduce the kids to just anyone, only if i feel like its safe for them.

......

haven't renewed my car registration yet, so i can't drive anywhere.. BUMMER.

i feel sad.

.......

i feel like going for a run, though i sprung my back out last night...booo

i feels so nice outside at the moment...

maybe a walk..

who wants to take a walk with me?

this never gets old, i can watch this over and over....fucking hilarious

and yes i fucking hate cats too... and that stupid noise they make, scares the shit out of me!!

why the fuck... am i kept being told off for today!!!

like, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG??!!!

ARGHHHH,

is the sun probing you in the ass or something??!

why am i responsible for every little fucking thing?

since when, and why me, how many people are in this family? like a hundred million and i, only i am responsible for everything.

expect me to do everything, and everyone just sits around like fucking royalties..

do you want me to wipe your ass too?

FUCK!!

it is so hot!!!

the heat is getting to me.

i feel so angry and frustrated...

and no one lets me turn on the fucking air con... waste of electricity is the reason....

let me ask this then... why not just shut off every little stupid fan that every single person seem to be hugging, and turn on one fucking air con??!!!!

ARGH!! FRUSTRATION!!.

adults, always think they're right.... all the stupid little fans are just blowing hot air, and all the fans combined wastes more electricity then one fucking air con.

--------------anyway.

stayed all night at mia's...

had to talk about some things on my mind... didn't know that it took so long, til the sun came up.

seriously getting to know Mia better and she is a pretty collected chick, or maybe we're still new with each other so she can still tolerate me..... time will come.

i feel like its been a long time since i could talk to some one, in the way that i can actually explain in my right pace...

lately i don't feel like what i say has been heard properly.. or has been expressed properly, because people or friends should i say, well... i don't quite know how to say this... give me a minute.

um, ok.

ok, with friends.. there are certain types of friends because i believe that you take on everyone differently.. bonds, trust and etc.

and for some that i do talk my mind to, i do it often so i guess they become a tad careless when listening? i mean like they do listen and take it is but not to full meaning and just be like, yeah yeah oh yeah i know what you mean, without actually thinking about it... and that always seems to cut me off and i don't get to say the rest of the story. and yes i do get frustrated with that.

and for the friends that don't know me too well, i just can't talk to them because of their judgment of me.

and plus, some friends read my blogs so they do know what's going on, and so what is the point of talking about it if they already know, and i don't like to repeat myself, but still, if you read what i write, it still doesn't give you the full effect of what i go through.

you can only understand to a certain point.

----------anyhow.

went to visit Lisa and her one month old son this morning, and he is adorable.

he looks so much like his father, so does that mean that i think his dad is adorable too? lol.

i like kids, at times they can be little brats but i like kids.

i think i enjoy the parenthood-ness.. though i can never do childcare as a career, i guess i can be a tad too rough on the kids so it's not good if it becomes a legal issue.

kids need to be taught,encouraged, punished and rewarded... in the right situations of course.. and not be spoilt little shits because the parents are too nice(or too lazy or cherish them too much or don't give a shit) to teach them a certain thing they do is wrong.

................there you go, i can be dominant at times, only for the right though so i will back down if i'm wrong(or because i am way too lazy to argue about it).

anyways, going to find a way to chill the fuck out.

remember to drink water.

sex is beautiful

hide the heat, not the love.

i cried while on laughing gas, WTF.

i think that the best way of getting me to talk or whatever get in my head, if you want the total truth, the total correct facts... or get in my head or know all my deep dark secrets.... nitrous oxide is the way to go.

add on to weakness : nitrous oxide, but i heart you.... you makes me feel all tingly and numb and floaty, and makes me all free and floaty?

dear psycho stalker: first of all why are you stalking me... secondly... please don't use nitrous oxide on me to your advantages... theres no point, i don't have anything awesome to give away...

i was looking for houses again today...

it feels more official now...

and i found a few that i so far like, it's not too far away from home..

so they are all in the cabramatta, cabramatta west, fairfield, canley heights.. area...

made appointments to check them out soon..

all are 4 bedroom houses, a few double stories and one is a single story houses..

ranging at about 500,000 to 800,000 each..

still thinking about living conditions...

like if i'm going to live with someone in the family or friends or strangers... but no doubt that there will be other people..

ok, maybe not strangers... because i can be extremely paranoid about a lot of things.

and rent, bills.

eh,

i'm hungry.... i want mash potatoes and fried chicken wings...

and when i think of this, i think of Lawrence... blah.

i miss Matt, i miss him so much...

i had a dream that i bought a house and we lived together...

i want to live with him, i want to be around him and i want him to be around me.

it's been so hard without him

i'm sorry... but you sound funny.

http://www.cockermouth.org.uk/

freshly back from watching new moon with the girls!!!

Sara, Cynthia and Helen...

and i loves it. very very loves it!

so many people said it was shit, but i enjoyed it....

funny thing, at the end, a random child answered edward's question to bella, though i think he was excited about his video game, or because the movie was over and he could get the fuck out of there and go home...

OH!, and i was dodging about 5 girls i saw , that was in the same screening as me..

because i don't want to get killed.... not tonight at least.

am currently ripping into a beautiful piece of steak that Jane have left me... she knows the way i likes it.. whoooo

i don't think i should be eating this so late at night... might be sleeping soon.

Jane feels like a wife... she knows how to handle me...

but we get along better with space in between....

i was hanging around at cabramatta today because i was visiting the doctor, the wait was really long so i decided to walk around, did i mention that i saw that same little girl that use to follow me around in school? and a few times out of school? i think i did but i can't remember..

anyway, she wasn't that far away from me, and the expression that she gave when she saw me was that she totally lit up.. i got a bit scared at that point, though she has never done anything to me i'm still creeped out by her because all she does is follow.

like, can you imagine or have you ever had anyone do that to you?

to just follow you around for a long while, lets say about a year?

anyway..

i like new moon.. and i love spending time with the girls...

and i love watching people's reactions in movies ahhaha amusing.

oh a couple of people sitting behind me and Sara kept kicking out seat and the stupid fool was on the phone and the phone kept ringing....ARGH i really wanted to fight but i didn't want to ruin things for cynthia, helen and sara....

speaking of seats....

there was a row of teens sitting in from of us and there was this one girl that, felt like she was demanding where people had to sit, ordering where her friends had to sit... and she was frustrated because some of them did not listen and or too lazy to move.. she looked really mad.

it was hilarious!!

and then this guy and his family came along and said that the teens were sitting in their seats so the teens had to move to their official seat numbers.. i guess that girl had a second chance to arrange the seating again hey?

next year is going to be so different, and i fear it.

there she was.... staring at me at only 5 meters away.....

the face of that young girl, that girl that use to follow me around everywhere i go...

i don't know if i should use the word stalker, because she isn't really a stalker to me, she just follows me around when she sees me... other than that she is unknown...

or she is too good of a stalker that i don't notice the other 60% of the time?

hm.. anyways... she saw me at cabramatta today and yes she did follow me for a little while until i started to turn around and walked towards her and then followed her down the street...

i don't know what she wants?... i've tried to approach, but she just runs away, i call out to her and she just hides away...

hm....

ok, i slept on it and now have come to terms that i was acting very childish towards the twilight thing...because i did not talk to him after i got really fed up, but shit son STFU.

i was just mad because, he didn't just said it sucks...

which is ok because i know that not every one likes twilight.

BUT he kept going on and on and on about it and mocking it.

and i don't understand why he kept doing what he did if he didn't like it, and how he knows everything in the movie...

because if you don't like it, why remember in so much detail?

my point is... stop fucking bitching about it to me because i am one of those who likes twilight.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

ARGH, frustration...

i was calm until i wrote this... now i feel bothered again.. garrr.

shane is dissing twilight....

and i will not talk to him until he says something good about it...

coz if u dont like it.. leave it the fuck alone to the people that do like it, like me...

don't come up to me and keep telling me that you think twilight sucks.

you suck.

ahhaha freaking adorable

i heart commercials...

sitting inside my nicely air-conditioned bedroom...

aunt is having her share of korean dramas...

so its not quiet enough to sleep. blah.

um um....

korean dramas.... always makes me feel something (which means its good acting, storyline etc), like.. it always has some sort of love triangle, or love drama... third wheel, the i love that person but that person loves the other person..... blah too much headache i reckon.

i hate it and feel so bad when the girl gets told of or when having bad times.... it always seems to happen . makes me so mad for her.

.... sorry got drawn into the damn movie....

she turned it off......

should i attempt to sleep now?

..... will end posty tho

why, do you have to cheat on your partner....

if you are more happier with him

if your partner is dying inside

why don't you just break up?

why do you have to cheat on your partner

my computer desk have broken down for a few days now and today i have finally a alternate desk...

so i cleaned up my shit and moved everything over...

now as i sit here... i some how regret changing the desk.

it is smaller and taller and i just can't seem to sit well with it...

need another table.

i found a couple of books/notebooks/scrapbooks... i have kept the last few years, and i feel really sad and upset that i was in such a dark place.

the first one i had, was just a small dairy.. just a simple calender plan type dairies,

and every date, i have a note on it..

i'm just reading through it and a lot of it seems to disturb me, really worries me.

and i remember being very suicidal at that point as well, very negative.

and in need of help i would write things like " in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this is me bleeding before you, this is me on my knees.".

also found this, this is part of one of my many suicide letters,

" i don't want to be part of the problem so i try so hard to get roughed up,

fist on up, it looks that easy, it looks that way to me, it looks that way to you,

but then there's you telling me i can, then theres you screaming "say something".

i want the ocean right now,

i guess i was so jealous that i can't even work...

there i am in the morning, i don't like what i see, i don't know how it's become such a problem, keep you up all night if i try to be calm,

how can they dare ask why i feel so angry?

do you see the problem if i never explain it?

but then theres you asking me how long...say something, it's taken me so long."

and the second one i have is a normal scrap/notebook,

and this one is more of a deeper emotion,

and it shows most of my high school life, the way i grew up, the people i was around and the crowds that didn't want me around, i'm so glad i left that place... high school was a piece of hell for me... and it shows so obviously.

which also made me suicidal, i felt like no one knew how to handle me so it was just easier to exclude me, it was hard from having a lot of friends and people talking to you, to being by yourself in the library trying to hide from the world.

i never wanted to go to school, and i use to always have a lighter and or a pocket knife with me in case i felt it was time, in case i couldn't take it anymore.

i don't mind people not talking to me nowadays, because there are more people in the world, better people.

i'm comfortable with who i am now, and i look back at then, and i just think i was foolish back then for being upset about people... but still i don't blame myself, growing up in a schooling environment, and it is just the same people every single day for 12-13 years of your life... i didn't think that there were 'other people' .. i was just stuck with the few hundred people that all felt the same way about me, everyday.

now i am exposed to millions and billions of people that accepts me and even loves me and might even fight for me, oh and for the people that don't get along with me or hates who i am and such, all of you can blow me.

i can't believe i have so many suicide letters.

will rid of them all in the morning.

oh, and the third one was a scrapbook that had a collection of articles of serial killers and homicide, suicide-homicide, mass homicide, and types of weapons like guns and knives..

cases and things like that in such fine detail, i guess i was researching and studying hard.

i should stop here, feeling too intense.

this disturbs me.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/6495357/teen-murder-suspect-to-be-tried-as-adult/

so, a very hot day today.. and i guess everyone felt a tad moody, OR A LOT!!!

gee, everyone was so angry today, stressed me out so much.

my mum and dad , more of my mum kept telling me off about usage of everything....

like example... she found the mobile phone bill and it was high... so she got mad at me because apparently i don't know how to control my usage, even though i pay the bills...

she and everyone else asks or tell me to call someone else and when the bill comes... no, it was all me.

..blah.

and then she starts going off about the car, payment for the car is coming soon and she's frantic about it, and i don't know why, i pay the bills.

and then she complains about me not having a proper job and is always on my computer and that is not a way of a career, she thinks i just chat to my friends and look at porn all day, no I'm just kidding...

she just thinks i chat to friends all day and not worry or take care of anything...

huni, i work, i pay bills and i put food on the table and the fridge and anywhere else that usually has food, and water... yet she thinks i do nothing.

she wants me to get a proper job, that means that my income will be reduced.

an ideal job for her, for me is from 9 to 5... or shifts.. or i don't know... something that i don't want to do... and pays less.

should i take on a 'proper job' for a while? so she could see that it ain't as great as what we gots right now?

ugh, parents.

so its early right now, like 11pm... and i'm in bed, it is way too hot so i just turned off everything besides the laptop and the fan off, hoping it might cool down a tad more..so far, it's ok.

tried going to sleep, but failed so started blogging now, i'm fairly tired though but it's just too early to sleep for me... i don't know why but i can never sleep before at least 12 midnight.

And if i pass the 'ok i am tired enough to sleep' moment.. then i am up all night because as i said, i am very energetic at night, same with eating, i can be hungry and then starving... but if i pass that 'i seriously need to eat right now' moment, then i'm not hungry anymore and won't be able to eat, even if it's being forced.

tomorrow is going to be a killer hot day, i'm going to find someone's house that has aircon and i will stay there until its ok to step outside again, i'm so serious right now...like, totally.

oh i know, my new house has aircon... hehehe so there.

or, i'll just live in an ice cream delivery truck tomorrow... that's if i can find one... that would let me, i'll probably eat all the ice cream though...any fine ladies would like to join me in this amazingly exotic fantasy?

and yes, it can be an amazingly exotic fantasy if you want it to be, i want it to be so it is. =p your on my turf now son... so whatever i say goes. (didn't even make sense, such a fail!!).

i was thinking, do you know how some people have a normal talking voice and a totally different phone talking voice?

conversationally speaking...

i find it amusing and mind-blowingly hilarious when it happens, like they would be talking to you this second with the normal talking voice of theirs and they would be on the phone in the next with the phone voice... it sounds so formal, and it can be so funny how they can change the tone so quickly... the mind is programed, what can i say.

i think i don't have the phone voice, but i think that i have a written one.

i never really noticed before, but a lot of my friends have pointed it out to me and especially from emails that i send, how i type in messenger and in emails are different of how i type on here, the blogs. they say that the blogs feel more proper, more formal.. and when on messenger and emails i sound more like myself, more casual.. and some find it uncomfortable when i type like this in an email.. and they feel as though something is wrong and am avoiding them(because i'm writing different so its not being myself).

i guess they're right, but it is still just directly from the brain to the fingertips...

maybe i do the fancy ' and " and , and . and full words is because you might not know me, so i try to express me as accurate as possible, knowing how i talk with the pauses and now thoughts, then coming back to thoughts and etc.

i'm not a very grounded person and i tend to be everywhere.

tired...laying down, sideways and typing with one hand.. errr hard and slow.

ok, and up again.

so how was your day fellow readers and bloggers?

uh oh, the batteries are running low...

better stop and send before it cuts off and i lossssssse everything i just let out..

feel the love guys, and care about each other..

OMG on that note, i forgot the mention that yesterday when shane and i were shopping, we were in cotton on in liverpool and being served.. this chick storms in all bitchy and grumpy telling off the service girl because she forgot to take them electronic tags off one of the tops and apparently the chick was beeped and searched in another clothes store...like it wasn't even a full on search!! it was just a 'please open your bag, oh thats the problem' search.

but the point was, the chick was such a bitch to the sales girl that i felt really bad for her... she was trying to hold back her tears is how bad it was...

she could have just been a tad nicer, like i know she was mad that she got a simple "please open your bag, oh thats the problem straight away, oh you have a receipt for it' search, but come on, you didn't have to crush her world for it ( you, chick... probably don't get laid. find yourself a fella, release all that energy and anger and relax a lil bit more, i'm just sayin').

anywho, feel the love, and care about each other...

ok, what happened today was... Shane and i finally went shopping to change his look, he has always been complaining that , how or why he doesn't get picked up or anything, and obviously his looks were some what part of the problem, and this is how it turned out...

(there is he looking all confident and laid back like he should be, but then he didn't want to stand up because he knew i was going to blog it.. )

i always told him that the way you dress is the way you feel, and tried to give him some tips on which kind of clothes that is suitable for him, and he didn't have a clue.

all it took was simple fitted clothing and he looks great, such a fail trying to make him wear jeans.. the dude just doesn't like it... booo...

but at least he tried and liked something else besides his baggy cargo pants.

and casual walking shoes beside the more general joggers,...

i'd say he stepped up big time, but my next goal is to get him to where jeans, and buy a vest.

and better fitting dress pants...

him and his baggy clothes, makes him look unflattering, the man's got body but just ain't complimenting it.

oh, and also showed him how important scent's are, so showed him what he could use for everyday, or casual difference, or a special events and etc... basically what he can work with...or to tip him on how to find whats right for him and not just follow the general typical strong musky "lynx" deo type scents...

overall, success for today.

ok, here we go, i managed to connect my phone to my pc ... and here are some photos i wanted to show you all.. probably from way back.. but still, it's show and tell time kids.

This is the famous cloud 3, saw it while laying at a park with a friend one relaxing day and i thought it was amusing , so i took a photo of it..

(advertisement much 3mobile? you even got god into it. i'm just kidding, relax guys)

those two up there is love served as food, the top is helen's eggplant and chicken parmigiana, and the bottom is an ice cube, or should i say, ice heart( oh no, i think i rather say ice cube shaped as a heart, ice heart sounds so emo...).

from the dinner my friends and i had a few nights ago.. was fun.

ok, i thought this was funny, the same cars are like, OMFG THERES A FUCKING MIRROR HERE!!, oh i look so handsome.

( i may have thought this was funny because i was waiting in the car for a very long time, and it was hot and i may have been hallucinating, but i swear the cars were talking!!)

This is from mr John Mayer's set... can i get a loud moan please? coz this is orgasmic!!

yes i just had to put her somewhere here, she is just too cute to pass...

ahha, sexy stories... i had a kick out of this, this is from a friends room, innocent we swear...

..i checked....

or the books could have been under disguised?

eh, my iced coffee is upset?

why, do i always feel the need to sing at night??... pick up my guitar and rock it out...

i am most energetic when the sun is down.. i would want to go out, have fun, sing.. pump some music.. flash some lights... bite some girls?

no, not a vampire but i do fancy a bite.

??

anyway....

um, what did i get up to todaaaay...?

all i know is that i was surrounded by babies, i was not responsible for any of them, thank god.

my god son was born at 11:28am this morning and he is FUCKING ADORABLE!!! so spent half the day with them...( was in the birth delivery room with rosey and saw the whole thing, now i don't think i'll be having sex for a while, at least until i can get that scary image out of my mind, argh so messy..)

came home and picked up little Mr Harry over to play at my house...

and then my neighbours baby joined Harry as well...

then i went to visit my cousin at the hospital and her newborn!!!! HE IS ALSO FUCKING ADORABLE!!... actually he is a very handsome kid..

baby count for the day: 4...

oh, and also one of my friends gave birth a few weeks back.. and going to go visit them on saturday...

... i was thinking about moving out today, like to either rent a apartment or house, or buy a apartment or house...

but i very much doubt i can last in an apartment, i'm not a apartment kind of person....

i'm a house person, with a back and front yard... grass.. open air... basically, space.

i need my space, and in a house it is important to have yards and etc because if i get sick of one area(or person standing in one area), i can move to the next.. and the privacy, and the noise travel... etc etc, but i enjoy outside.

and Jane suggested that i move in with her in the city...and i just said no to that without even hesitating,

number 1, moving out means i need my own space, and my life/day consist of Jane and family.. thats why i want my own space..

number 2, i don't like apartments

number 3, i don't want to live IN the city... it is expensive and its too busy. i rather live out of the city and go to the city once in a very long while.

now that most people know that i want to move out, especially Jane.. she will try everything in her power to try and make me let her live with me. seriously hun, it ain't gonna happen.

i think it's healthier that we have time apart...

so with that said, i don't know if i am going to have a room or house mate... i might depending on the situation and the person.

still thinking,

let me know if you are thinking about moving out and if you think that you can live with me... you know how i are..

do you mind that i bring people home (probably won't, rather not)?

do you mind that i don't come home so often?

do you mind if i just lay around the house allllll weeeeekkk long?

i can cook... and clean.. and garden... and do handyman work.

do you mind if i'm noisy? especially at odd times... i do have manners though, so if you are sleeping then i'd keep it down..

.. well thats me in a minute, can you handle it? ahhaha...

oh crap, just remembered that i'm getting married.

default roommate right there.

marriage so isn't going to work, i love girls too much, and i can't seem to commit.

BLAH...

sometimes i feel pedo, when i check out those school girls... those pretty looking ones in their school skirts (well not all in skirts.... ).. and then i realise , one that they are not wearing the blue shirts(means they are not yet seniors).. and two, they are still in school.

i am 20, turning 21 very shortly... and it's been 3 years since high school... and it feels wrong for me to be checking school girls out...

some says it was ok because i am just looking, but hey if i didn't feel wrong about it, don't you reckon i'd go for it already and not just look? duh.

and another reason they say it's ok because i am a girl, so not like i can impregnate anyone...(good point, but still).

like, i don't know why.. but i feel weird when i do check out these girls...

they never look their age, and it can be so misleading or should i say, THEY can be so misleading...

i always spin out when i do talk to a girl that is out of uniform and i find out her age....

like, oh i'm 16..... and i'm like.. what?!! 16? huni, shouldn't you be in school?.. no i didn't really say that but thats what i thought, every time.

i get taken back when they say they are under 18, though some times i in part except 17... and i don't know why, like i guess because can be 18 soon and i can get to know them until then... BUT!!!!!!.. no no no.. that never ever happens. teen girls... teen-curious girls..... and boys too i guess, are freaking horny machines.

so i leave.

tell me, how do you find it.

i feel confused.

anyways, off to sleeeeeeep.... my eye is getting better, need more rest.

Charice Pempengco is her name.

i got fucking chills running everywhere watching this clip.... so fucking talented... *faints*

look around for her, her voice blows my mind. so much control!!

love love love

ok, fancy that i came across this....

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/971455/orgasm-overload-woman-meets-her-match

yes you read right, orgasm overload...

it is about a woman that "suffers from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS), meaning she has an insatiable sexual appetite and can climax at any time without warning." so it states at she has over 300 orgasms a day(if it comes naturally, why need a man)...

and saying that she found a bloke for her that can keep up with her..(and if you look at the happy couple's photo, he just looks like a bloke that only has sex on his mind, and she's not a beauty queen herself but i just hope she doesn't get too attached to him, coz he aint showing love from his heart, just from his penis.),

but i think that guy is just horny, all the guys wants to get with it because face it, which guy doesn't want to have have sex at least 10 times a day...

and they leave once they are over worked and exhausted...

ok, to think of this... is there a cure for this? or do people don't want a cure for PSAS...

i'm just saying...

i wonder what it'd be like for them, and thinking if a man PSAS.... it'd be pretty damn messy right?

is it hard to live a normal life since your clock keeps going off?

hm...

still no news from the lovely couple of Mr i am so tough n buff but cries and miss i am so selfish and boring.

i think thats a good thing, and also my point was reached.

*roll eyes*.

anywho....

so far today, went to pick up Jeremy from tutoring and also bumped into Helen while i was waiting.. and bought some food and now is home...

helped a girl out with her car, apparently she left it on DRIVE gear so it wouldn't start, it only starts when you put it in the PARK gear, and i saw her in the car park with her car in hazard lights and hood up and everything, even on the phone with NRMA... so i thought I'd give it a try and help her, and i did and also gave her an interesting fact that your car will not start if its not on the PARK gear.

she was cute about it though, all smiles and embarrassed

went over to mia's last night because i couldn't sleep, and she has a new pet bunni...rabbit.

and she absolutely adores it, him.

am i beaten by this little cute white fluff ball?

i'm half rabbit, so should she be adoring me as much as the rabbit as well?

( by that i mean, i behave like a rabbit already - i'm lazy and i like to be taken care of and shown appreciation and yes i am very sexually active. , and all i need to be now is cute, white, and a fluff ball? oh and i also like carrots.. what a coincidence.)

or am i a dog...or cat...

or just me.

boogars, its hot again today..

i'm going through my music files and boy do i miss the good ol' pop songs... like backstreet boys , N*sync, boyzone, the earlier Brittney Spears (her new album) etc etc...

whats wrong with listening to a song that was 3 years ago... i don't see anything wrong.

with all you " the now" people.. you don't know how to appreciate, just up yourselves.

don't you find nowadays that most songs in their own genres sounds the same?

or always has a preview of another song, maybe from the same artist in the song, maybe self promotion...

or could it be that when they write their albums or songs , they had the same inspiration? so the idea lingers around.

as a dj, i like that the songs are all similar so work is way easy to mix..

but as a listener, it does get kinda boring...

anyway, gotta jet.

ok, i am just a bit frustrated right now because i found out who Sharon was or is...

and i did the exact thing that i said i would do to her... and see what happens with the bloke.

so he comes around in the middle of it and starts yelling at both me and her.. and turns out that he is a complete baby, all talk.... just because he looks buffed and tough, didn't mean he would do anything. he cried. like, i felt ashamed for him and i left because it was just stupid, such a waste of effort.

and no wonder i didn't remember her, her sex is selfish and a complete bore.

so that was a waste of 40 or so minutes.

attended Nao's 21st birthday, and had to leave right in the middle of it, and came back and drove Sara home...

... gotten pulled over by the police twice tonight....

Nao is totally knocked out, i think he drank too much, too fast.... because he was ok one minute then down on the ground the next, probably didn't eat anything either...

and then the party kinda died after he was down...

i'm tired.

yesterday,

came home at about 6 in the morning and slept til 11am, got ready for the day...

Helen called to pick her up at about 1pm, also picked up Sara and Cynthia while we were at it... we all went to coles supermarket to purchase food for our dinner fest.

Helen made a yummy egg plant chicken parmigiana, and i was amused that it was shaped like a heart, until she cut it in half .. aw,emo...

Cynthia made awesome fried chicken wings, so yummy and crispy.... but i was so full that i couldn't eat much of that... aw..

and Sara helped me make mash potatoes, i was disappointed that i didn't get to make it properly because i was missing chives, how can you, supermarket, have everything besides chives, how.

and cookies and cream ice cream for dessert. yum.

we wanted to have a good drinking session, but failed.

the alcohol we bought tastes like Malibu, so it have that coconut oil smell that we are just so sick of, yuck.

and Helen had some cream liquor, like coffee liquor and chocolate liquor...

but fail also.

Sara played her ukulele and i played my guitar, awesome.

she's so cute with her ukulele...

i can't stop singing "i'm yours" by jason mraz .. it's so stuck in my head. good thing i love the song.

i took some photos, but i can't seem to connect my phone to my computer, so fail on the upload and posting.

so anyway, came home at about 10 something and went online for a while...

then went to mia's place to spend the night... because Jane and her girlfriend was teasing me, boosting my already dirty mind, Jane and her girlfriend wanted to get together with me but it was getting too late and didn't feel like a big travel, she lives all the way in the city, so i just went to Mia... which is down my street, walking distance...

now, sometimes i feel paranoid about seeing people i live close to, because i fear that one day, just one day when something wrong happens and they will never leave me alone... and might do bad things.

because i guess i can say that i am no stranger to crazy psychotic girls that can hunt you down, yes its true.

i don't know why or how , but it always happens... it's either i drive them crazy, or i am attracted to crazy girls (because they are sexy freaks?that would try most things?) or i'm just one of those dickheads that make them fall for me and then drop them like a football.

OH!! i was confronted the other night, a huge buffed up dude shows up at my doorstep warning me to stay away from his girl... and the odd thing is, i'm not sure who he is preferring to...

i don't know anyone name Sharon... or i'm not aware about anyone name sharon.

or i don't remember names of girls i see.

i am really bad at remembering names, i am...

so maybe it is someone i have been seeing around...

anyway, this is what he said .. yelled and while pointing to my face, really really close.." are you Tori?, i see you around with my baby and i don't like it. sharon is my girl and i can't let another girl take her away from me, so stay the fuck away from her. i urge you to break whatever the fuck you have with her off and don't you ever see her again or else you'll get it, you will fucking get it, and if i find out that you have touched her, i will break your face!!!"

um, well.. i'd like to see that buster, i will remember who she is.... and you can watch me touch her, oh not only will i touch her, i will lick her, kiss her , bite her here and there and make her scream my name and just be all over her and get her to ride me til the morning sun, or if she has enough energy to keep going, for a couple of days, OH and i'll probably carve my name on her ass too.

because i know, that even if you do break my face... you'll end up being charged, and my face will heal. though, i hope your girl is worth it mate but though i very much doubt it because if she was mind blowing then i would have remembered who she is. take that mr i am so so big , buff and tough, insecure about loosing my girl to another girl man.

... anyways...

time to go play with the kiddies.

hold the phone..... another post has to happen.

relationships... ok.. let me explain why i can't seem to uphold a proper relationship...

it is not because i don't want to be tied down,

it is not because i can't handle it,

it is not because i want to be a player....

to me, ... this is what i find true anyways... is,

when you are with someone... and you are always together... you suddenly just automatically only seem to worry about keeping the other person happy, and in a sense that you loose yourself...

i don't disagree with relationships.....

and i'm not saying that i don't want to be in one because i'm going to loose myself... no.

i'm just saying how i see relationships, from what i've learnt (maybe not enough)...

me, i am a person that rushes into things way too fast, emotionally speaking...

and i literally wear my heart underneath my sleeves, ready to give out.

i trip and get hurt very easy so i tend to have a trust issue until i really know the person, and by that time i am comfortable enough... the whole bond has been set as friends, and i don't get to share my long lasting love for them...

my short relationships are the ones where i tend to fancy... yes.. you know what i mean.

so its either a casual relationship, or everything is squeezed into one time zone. meaning, everything is rushed and it ends quickly.

reasons why it ends quickly for me is because, i feel or find that if sex is involved too early then it will never last.

i think sex should be something rare, like a treat.

if you get to have too much candy, would you crave or want it anymore? i think not.

and

it is so hard to get to know someone if sex is involved, i can only get enough about them during sex, and still it has to be more than one time, you can read a bit from each event...

how can you have the time to get to know the true them, if every time you see them, you want to touch them and to have sex.

and so with that said, sex can get boring after a while, and they don't excite you anymore, so you don't have anything else to hold onto , it's over.

i'm just saying, in my view and from what i've been through... but everyone else? i don't know, i'm sure we are all different.

i just had to post this because people keep bugging my about my personal life...

i don't know why people bug me about it for...

i'm pretty sure i'm a wreck, and there is no way on fixing me... it's just who i became to be.

or i can use the excuse that i haven't found the right person yet....

um excuse me, but i think i am very fond of Lady Gaga's creativities.... and imagination.

and her songs/lyrics...

like this song...

i really fancy it.

Ohh, caught in a bad romance Ohh, caught in a bad romance  Rah rah, ah ah ahh Rah muh, Rah muh muh GaGa, ohh lala Want your bad romance  Rah rah, ah ah ahh Rah muh, Rah muh muh GaGa, ohh lala Want your bad romance  I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything As long as it's free I want your love Love, Love, Love I want your love  I want your drama The touch of your hand I want your leather studded Kiss in the sand I want your love Love, Love, Love I want your love (Love, Love, Love I want your love)  You know that I want you And you know that I need you I want a bad, bad romance  I want your loving I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Ohh) I want your loving All your lovers revenge You and me could write a bad romance  Ohh, caught in a bad romance Ohh, caught in a bad romance  Rah rah, ah ah ahh Rah muh, Rah muh muh GaGa, ohh lala Want your bad romance  I want your horror I want your design Cause you're a criminal As long as you're mine I want your love Love, Love, Love I want your love  I want your psycho Your vertigo stick Want you in my rear window Baby it's sick I want your love Love, Love, Love I want your love (Love, Love, Love I want your love)  You know that I want you And you know that I need you (Cause I'm a free bitch, baby) I want a bad, bad romance  I want your loving I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Ohh) I want your loving All your lovers revenge You and me could write a bad romance  Ohh, caught in a bad romance Ohh, caught in a bad romance  Rah rah, ah ah ahh Rah muh, Rah muh muh GaGa, ohh lala Want your bad romance  Rah rah, ah ah ahh Rah muh, Rah muh muh GaGa, ohh lala Want your bad romance  Walk walk, fashion baby Work it, move that bitch crazy Walk walk, fashion baby Work it, move that bitch crazy Walk walk, fashion baby Work it, move that bitch crazy Walk walk, passion baby Work it, I'm a free bitch baby  I want your love And I want your revenge I want your love I don't wanna be friends  J'veux ton amour, et je veux ta revanche J'veux ton amour, I don't wanna be friends  I don’t wanna be friends (Ohh) I don’t wanna be friends (Caught in a bad romance) I don’t wanna be friends (Ohh) Want your bad romance (Caught in a bad romance) Want your bad romance  I want your loving I want your revenge You and me could write a bad romance (Ohh) I want your loving All your lovers revenge You and me could write a bad romance  Ohh (Want your bad romance),  Caught in a bad romance (Want your bad romance) Ohh (Want your bad romance),  Caught in a bad romance  Rah rah, ah ah ahh Rah muh, Rah muh muh GaGa, ohh lala Want your bad romance 

...yes, i know i'm not normal... but then again, who is.

catherine never fails to make me smile, either when on dailybooth, or youtube...

http://dailybooth.com/Catrific

http://www.youtube.com/user/catrific

just so damn, cute!!!.

oh, also twitter..

http://twitter.com/catrific

yes, i stalk people!!!

i stalk cute interweb people!!!....

all these online networking makes me feel like i stalk. like i can deny all i want, but i know everything about what they do everyday!!!... well, its offered to me but still...

such a hot hot day today........

woke early to take the kids to school, picked up Vivian from pre-school, went banking at Liverpool but something happened to the computer systems when it came to my turn (argh frustration!!) so i had to go down to cabramatta to bank, bumped into Nicky while she was waiting for the doctors since 7:30 AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF man she got so neglected... when i met her it was about after 12 midday... she even got a parking fine because she had to wait for the stupid probably racist doctor (system), Dr James on park rd... is a prick, don't go to him.

anyways... walked around with Nicky after her doc visit... and also bumped into a few other people and two girls from my grade...

i can't believe all that wasted my whole day... it is now about 4:30pm.... i left my house at 7:30am..

am now at home, the kids are going at each other .... it's the girls.. they never ever EVER get along, and i don't know why!!! argh, frustration.

turned on the tv and now they are quiet for now, so i could blog it out.

hot, windy weather makes my eyes all infected from dirty stuffs and it swells, a week ago it was my right, now it's my left... lucky i still have my anti-biotic eye drops with me so i could treat them.

got two free shirts again today... don't know if i should call it free, because it was a gift... and not free from the shop itself. but i got two shirts today... i like them.. one says " i think paranoid people are following me" and the other says " i don't need a tee shirt to tell everybody that i'm gay" ... awesome right? the message when i received it was " this is so you!!!"

why do i keep getting shirts?... do you feel the need to update clothes? am i too behind fashion for ya'll? eh?.. no no, thanks guys i love the shirts, all awesome and quirky for me.

remember the smell i mentioned that was on me yesterday?, i can now smell it in my car...

that smell is now everywhere!!!

either my car is a female, or the girl i was seeing acted like an animal and rubbed her scent in my car so as if she owns me now....

or she wants me to think of her, which is fine, and working.

or it was accidental...

who knows.

i am so exhausted, and so stressed out...

my mind is racing about work, home, health, sex, girls...

and my body is so so tired, walking, driving, waiting, standing.... argh, frustration.

haven't eaten, no caffeine, just one bottle of water for the whole day... fmd.

it's like i'm going through a flush for the last few days....just water.

erm, can't think of what else to say.... um

i like love?

lol. ok.... laters.

today....

stumbled to Jane's to sleep at like 5 or 6 in the morning, bless that girl for opening the door for me... we slept until 11 and she drove me home to shower and etc to get ready for my hospital visit.. Jane came in with me and she was amused that my nurse for the day was named Jane also....

she took me home and i went over to Helen's place for a couple of hours, had a few interesting conversations and vents and wonders...

went home, had dinner... sat around wondering why my left eye area is hurting, feels swollen...

and now i'm thinking if i should shower again(already had shower twice) before i sleep, because i still smell like someone else... i can't seem to get rid of the scent, not that i don't like it... i love a smell of another gal... a pretty gal.

i notice, that every time i have a hospital appointment one day... i would be wasted the previous night or day.... so i always seem to have the biggest hangover on the day of the appointments, i wonder what they think when they test my blood ahha.

anyway, going to sleep super early right now.... so need to catch up on my zzzzzzz's

sweet dreams ladies and gents

sitting on the mac, staring at a fish tank listening to the water flow and with a cup of coffee.... 

i wish it was that quiet, in my mind i have blocked out all the kids screaming and running around, demanding with games they want to play and they are sitting across the house yelling to each other. 

they are still screaming.... 

blasted, i paid attention,

...and now i lost my thought....

argh, feelings.

.... do you think girls can get along without any sense of a competition at all?

actually, do you think anyone can get along that they become sync? complete and utterly sync?

with no competition, or dislike of flaws or envy etc?

with each other...

argh, how do you right click on a mac laptop?

never dealt with a laptop's exploration before, and now i'm thrown a mac... its so different from a pc - windows in general. in time, in time.

i feel so at home with a pc and i'm excited about windows 7, i got to install a demo version and it was so great, not 100% like of the new navigations but the system is great.

by getting a mac, i was hoping to have a great media operation, so i can bring it to work and work on the movie edits... 

but i am so lost, so very lost.. i think all i managed to do so far is open a explorer for Internet and connect to msn... haven't gotten around to other things yet.

fucking fail.

i have finished my coffee, and the kids are friends again... 

what i like about kids is how fast they can be friends again... it only takes a small distraction to get them talking again, a simple fascination. 

i feel messy... haven't gotten ready for the day yet, only just showered... 

i want a power shot, always feeling exhausted. i know why.... or i think its because of it... hahaha oh i'm just thinking naughty again... yea? yea? my thoughts? sex... 

sex is always on my mind,.... i think, but you already know that.

i was watching the thing about a transgendered girl in Germany? name Kim, and part of it they raised the issue on how young or to set an age where the person can choose for themselves if they want to under-go treatment for changing gender, the age is 11 they say... 

what do you think?

at that age, the early stages of their lives it seems that they are not comfortable with who they are and is disturbed by themselves, wanting to be other... and not really noticing their sexual life yet, so i want to know if  they are really born in the wrong body?

at a tiny young age, how do they know if it's wrong, how do they know if having or not having a penis is wrong or right... 

it was mentioned that a 3-4 year old boy tried to cut off his penis, so how does he know?

and when i tell people that i am bi-sexual or gay.... they often ask me if i ever wanted to be a boy... and i say no to that. i am gay, not transgendered. 

people often get confused about gay and transgendered people, and to be honest i was too when i was younger, but i understood the difference and how to identify them.

i was also thinking about something else my friend has sent me, about attractions... and i never knew, never knew that there are scientific reasonings that are involved in ones attraction to another, like, when it happens, some chemical from the body is released and causes something and other things are released and causes something, and after a while that thing that was released has worn out and so you are not attracted anymore.........

interesting though.

i was talking to a girl today, and she shed some light on some of my thoughts and wonders,

she is just a stranger thats sat with me on the train...

what's so interesting about her is her way of thinking about everything...

she's not insane, just very cool.

she doesn't have her head in the clouds nor in the ground, just very cool.

she inspired me, i can't list out everything we talked about but she definitely blew my mind..

... now i'm just in the moment of ponder...

i had a dream, a thought, a daydream, a "i drifted of while staring at nothing and probably was half asleep with my eyes open" moment, that i killed myself, and i only went to say goodbye to one person to have my last talk, just explaining the current feeling and not saying that i will die...

and the mood of things weren't because i felt depressed or stressed or pressured to kill myself, it was neutral... it felt neutral.

i remember the whole thing, i remember saying that "i don't regret anything that happened in my life, nothing at all because it has make me who i am, and i know that what i'm going to do is selfish, but it feels right, i feel peace and i would like to leave on this feeling."

it's like as if something had just happened that finally allowed me to fall.

i feel like, the very last scene of the movie Lost and Delirious, when she finally fall...

it is such a powerful feeling.

i had this moment right before i met the girl on the train, is that a sign?

i feel drifty inside.

i feel like there is now something i have to look for... some sort of meaningful life lesson.

what a freaking superstar!!!....

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-AU&amp;brand=ninemsn&amp;vid=13b13c02-4947-4aac-9734-bf8348470e15" target="_new" title="Little Kid Teaches You To Park">Video: Little Kid Teaches You To Park</a>

i'm sleepy.

poured so much caffeine into the body and still, it does nothing.

maybe i should cram down a few oranges....

are you comfortable when your only passenger seats in the backseat of your car?

discussion time - yes, i like to talk about sex, it's interesting and you can always learn something new.

ok, a friend of mine sent me a link about reasons why women have sex...

i'd like to ask, who decided to think about this?

or how about did they come to think about this..... bored at the office while feeling frisky one day?

but they did a good job...

here's the link, take a read and tell me what you think... because i am thinking a few things.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/927795/the-237-reasons-why-women-have-sex

and i won't deny that, i do it for power reasons...

actually i do it because i want to, and it feels good... and probably because it's a habit and i'm an addict.

but hey... i think i fall under that power motive...

to stay in control and know the heat of things, be the one to have the top hand.

the hand so i can write the story?

i like to tease.

simple.

i'm amused when they said "Some women had sex to get rid of migraines..." and the mention of relieve period pain.... is that true?, because i don't know...

now i'm thinking, what if they only wanted sex because they had their periods or a migraine...

and not because i played some part in it... bummer to think about.

(and yes i would obviously notice when they have their periods, but keep in mind that also before actually having their periods, they can get pretty climatic pretty easy.)

"One of the tests assessing initial attraction proved that eye contact was the first step to the bedroom."

yes, i agree.... i mean, of course it does....

i think that eye contact is the most important to almost everything.

or everything. yea, to everything.

"One study they conducted found that a brief series of face-to-face contacts of 35 seconds without even talking to the person increased positive responses"

does anyone feel awkward that i keep too much contact with you during a conversation?

"Many reported that deep eye contact with an opposite sex stranger created feelings of intense love,"

um, lust? i'm just sayin'.

i like this...."The study found one of the strongest ingredients of sex appeal was "women's acute sense of smell."

Researchers at Brown University back this up in a separate study, finding that women rate how someone smells as the most important sense in choosing a lover — with sight coming second."

"The largest turnoff for women was poor hygiene." .... NO SHIT!!!.

hm, so tell me what you think after reading that article, i am interested to hear it.

i feel like bloggin but also feeling really really tired and lazy

so thats all i'll say for now.. and it gave the satisfaction that i have blogged.

starving for her attention.

after that previous post...

i went out hoping to find my Tila for the night, or moment...

though,

i didn't.

all i could do was think about her the whole time...

what's wrong with me, why am i so caught up again...

i wanted to visit her, but i hesitated and didn't go... if i went, then it would be wrong, i would be feeding the craving for her... i don't want to satisfy that urge because i will say its ok the next time and then the next time and the next... and then i will just be completely sucked into the place i was before.

that place was painful, ouch.

you know what i feel like?, i feel like i'm on a diet...

she is like something i would crave and eat so freely and anytime, suddenly has to be strictly occasionally consumed only.

say for example, you all know i LOVE ice cream...

she is like ice cream to me, and i feel like i'm on a strict diet...

i want her, i crave her.. the frenzy... the withdrawal.. and when shes around, i feel like licking her? because shes ice cream you see, haha...

once i get to have a bit of her, its so gooooood and satisfying and good and great and awesome and ecstasy( edward colin " you're like my own personal brand of heroine", yes from twilight.) liked? then i want more and more and more and more and MORREE.

the addiction roams me.

is it wrong to have a naked photo of her as my phone's background?

and my phone is a touch screen...

nah, i'm only joking... i don't have any naked pictures of her...

honestly.

i dont.

really.

seriously.

ANYWAYS.....

i'm currently blasting music very loudly through my massively bassful headphones...

it feels awesome, though i have a feeling i might regret it in the morning...hm..

LOL, i'm listening to the song " if you see kay" from the script.. and i just drifted off for a little bit and i thought he was spelling F-U-C-K...

i wrote this on my facebook but i would like to repeat it right here... i need to express my mind for the day and it will NOT be completed without this

"all the asian employees of cabramatta centerlink can go fuck themselves. y be so bias for.. y give a hard time for... just coz ur on the other side of the desk, doesnt mean u can be bias, y the fuck are asians in service so hard ass on other asians in need. if u dont like to deal with people, go to another career path. and if u roll ur fucking eyes at me once more i will rip them out."

no, i'm not violent at all....

how i is feeling yo... pop collar.

Hey baby I see you there,
When you looking all cute, attitude to spare,
I seen other boys come & try their luck,
You never paid them any mind,
Never gave a fuck,
But I see you hesitating when you look at me,
Little half-step pull back and see,
Yo, I could be the one you waiting for,
When you get it get it good, coz the game is on
And

I ain't no playground punk, so bet your bottom dollar,
Then I'ma open you up, watch how you shake it for me,
So baby don't be shy, just let your form flow free.

i have a sudden feeling to blog.

i can't sleep....

i feel like singing, which i am doing.... and also ran out onto the streets and sang my heart out ... not strange at all, my neighbours are all probably be used to me by now...

i want to try video blogging soon, just figuring out a system i can easily work with, i have recorded a couple and now its just coming down to editing and posting... which i still haven't got around to.

reason being why i want to vlog?...

because i feel like talking.... talking.

i will always heart writing, because it gives me time to think, to sit here and ponder... well it gives me time to find what i want to say.. and it is way easy.

OH!!! would you look at that, i feel sleepy now.

as you already know i was seeing coop today, or yesterday... um... tuesday.

and we talk about relationships and etc...

she was talking about her sister, like how she is and shes friendly and innocent...

and now i understand why coop wouldn't let me talk to her sister, misunderstanding is easily taken. and also she didn't want me to corrupt her...

on thats note of me corrupting her...

do i? do i corrupt other people?

i know that i do and say dirty things, but do i corrupt?

i am going to start throwing korean words into conversation, like just randomly, because i feel that if i don't use the words that i know... i will forget them,

so, Ahn nyoung ha se yo to you = hello to you. ^_^.v

my eye still hurts...

i'm out of bio-oil.

i heart bio-oil.

i want to buy a new tv....

i want to buy new Dj gear.

i want my holiday now...

i want to feel that fuzzy feeling when i see her, hug her? kiss her? see her smile?

oh, after saying that, i can feel it... now all i'm missing is her.

suppose to be seeing her tomorrow for breakfast, but i have appointments i have to go to... bummer. can't wait til sunday.

i'm craving pringles...

OH!!, i took the train today... and saw all the pretty girls dressed up for the melbourne cup horse races, oh my goodness they are so pretty and colourful (they look like flowers? and smell nice like flowers).

i think only i was on that carriage that wasn't dressed up going to the races...

it was all wonderful... and then the boys came, jerks were so rude and loud. but they did look good in their suits though.

i got to speak to some of the girls, and they are quite nice.

'i havent got a clue if your the one, but i like you, and i like how you make me feel...

i wanna do this right, dont wanna waste this night.. but i'm drowning, drowning in your love..'

haven't eaten all day... not good.

thing was, i didn't realise until just then.

oh well, goodnight....morning.... whatever... good 2:45 in the am... yo.

today is Matt's birthday, 27 he is.

woken up by cooper this morning hassling me to go buy a new tv with her because she finished work early today, and it was the last day of the sale...

i reckon she got a pretty good deal for it.

just a normal 40" sony bravia w lcd tv... also included a bonus ps3!!!.

wicket.

so spent a couple hours with her, buying then taking it in, installing it, setting it up.. and of course testing it out..

ended up watching the whole " goldenboy" anime ... it was awesome, so many bouncy/naked boobs.

we had a deep emotional moment again where we talk about our ex's and and currents, situations , complications... just relationship stuffs.

and talked to Nicky today.... then she invited me over...

so cooper had to go to church, and i left.. and went to Nicky's..

every time i see Nicky, it's like... i get into a frenzy and have that mini shock or blast and as if i have forgotten how great she looks (is it possible to get hotter and hotter?). and im always fond of the scents she has on.

so far, she hasn't failed to excite me.

she's going to enroll her little brother into the same tutoring that my nephew jeremy attends, so i offered to pick up and take her brother home when she is at work, and she joining me when she isn't at work...

well, that means i'll be seeing her more often right? hm... i like that.

we miss us hanging out so constantly.

my cousin ripped , ruined the pair of chucks Nicky gave me...

limited leather addition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my heart hurts =(

. her feet are bigger than mine(only like a size bigger i think), but she insist that she wants to borrow that specific pair, because it's cool so she wanted to wear them to a "cool party"... and she squeezed and struggled and pulled and squeeeeeezed and struggled until she got her bigger than my feet into my shoes.... and when she took that first step, MY HEART SHATTERED and i wanted to cry as i hear the sound of my, perfectly conditioned limited leather addition converse given to me by Nicky, shoes ripped!!... a few tears fell actually.

ugh.

they are so beautiful, and cost so so much!! all ruined by a ' oh no, don't stress, it will fit perfectly, my feet arnt bigger than yours!! relax.."

it was also custom made for me...

so i knew for sure that it would not fit anyone else but me.

*sigh*

ahhahhaha Apple's new logo thing looks like woolsworths logo

check this beat out, the kind i fancy.

are you a believer?

random talk about girls... not worth reading i guess. not unless u want to know what kind of people i fancy.. seriously.

miss Jane and i were talking girls a moment ago...

and i can honestly say that Megan Fox doesn't go the whole 9 yards for me.

oh no, please don't get me wrong, i mean Megan Fox is a stunningly sexy woman, but there is just something that doesn't hit it for me...

she is the kind of gal, that i would just glance by and not approach if i see her around...

that's to say if she isn't a celebrity...

and maybe because i have the crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt thing going,

i will say that i would pick her over Megan Fox any day.

please don't take this personal, and write a complaint like i know a lot of you usually do when i write something slightly offensive to you...you may LOVE Megan Fox but,

i just like girls with "emotions".

i'm just sayin'.

OH, and Angelina Jolie doesn't hit the spot for me neither...

Tila Tequila is my fantasy chick... but i don't think i can stand her for a long period of time....

maybe a come and go chick.

i'll appreciate her more if she isn't always around....

...um....

Jessica Alba, also beats Megan Fox for me.

but a step behind Jennifer Love Hewitt...

Jessica Alba is someone i'd probably get along with but will break up eventually.

simply because she will get bored of me and the relationship.

she looks homey, caring, etc but she will get bored, of me.

she can probably be a friend that i would always have a mini crush on.

someone that tops it all for me would be, Jennifer Beals( not Jessica Biel) .

WOW, whats with all these J's.... hm.

coincidence, i swear.

anyway, Jennifer Beals... apparently none of my friends know who she is!!!

you may know her from the famous "flashdance" she is in "the L word", had a part as Trish in "the grudge 2", and a small part in "lie to me" as the ex-wife of the main guy...

and theres more but its small parts... she has done a few indie/independent films and etc as well.

i just have the HUGEST crush on her, and it has lasted a while and still going strong.

Jennifer Beals is the most gorgeous woman i have ever seen, even though she is in her 40s... damn i will sing her name in a harmony!!

my heart beats for her, sometimes it also stops for her.

dangerous i tell yah.

. i'm also digging Ruby Rose....

i don't fancy her, but i dig her.

did that make sense? probably not, let me try that again...

i like Ruby Rose's image, style, coolness?.

maybe not totally 100%, but 89% i would like to be in her shoes.

shes a cool chick that deals with the world of music, a dj, a host, a vj, and a proud and out lesbian.

shes got a look going, and has a stable life, not too out there but just enough to be in the world.

OH!!, and i'd like to be friends with Boa... cool gal.

i'd like to be buddies with Katherine Moennig, she is just awesome. she is awesome in a creatively emotional inspiring way... i'd say she somehow helped me through tough times, when i was all emo and coming out about liking girls.

Tegan and Sara... the twins are just very earthly people, great people.

oh, pink and ellen... also cool people i wanna meet.

Miranda Kerr... same feeling with Jessica Alba...

i just want to say that,

John Mayer is the shiz. he is sex when with his guitar. thats all i can say.

i'm only saying in the view of what the media gives me....

if i know them personally, my view would probably be way different,

but as it is....that's how i feel.

yea, see.. i told you it wasn't worth reading through...

what have i been up to lately? trying to deal with the trip to vietnam, i think i might have to postpone it...

dealing with work, there is so much going on!!! i never knew we have so many clients!! ugh.

still discovering the world of korean music, my music list is expanding.

the only words i know how to say is 'hello' and 'don't know' in korean... informal/slang ways.

my eye hurts...

very exhausted, if i'm not working or doing something then i would want to sleep...

so very tired all the time.

dating has been sucky... either wrong people or complicated situations... or something i don't like..

my tv is still broken... but also "internet killed television" so i'm not going insane with nothing to watch.

thats about it...

goodnight yall